Anissa, your sleeping pills are great, they make me talk funny about funny ideas:
<font size=3>I have many great and wonderful friends whom I love dearly and would no doubt fight for, or take a bullet for. I am the <strong>richest</strong> girl in the world. For my family, I would die without regret. I am also one of the most <em>masochistic</em> women in the world. We all suffer from a martyr syndrome. Perhaps we are all addicted to the pain. You all know what I mean, you all can relate, you've done it and you've felt it on purpose at one point or another in your life. Only most of you (not all) did it for the attention and to pride yourself for self sacrificial reasons. I did before too, but not anymore and i have been living a rich, full, and good life free of vices. but as for the masochism, I will again. But because my heart is screaming at me. I cannot contain this feeling inside of myself any longer. To do the right thing could possibly mean to wrong myself, but as long as i stay strong, I can still take care of what matters to me. I can be dead again, and still be a live and one of hte richest people in the world. Only this time i fear I will not let myself die and be reborn like the phoenix, and that is the masochism in which i speak of. because if i do, my heart will never recover completely and in the end i will marry for money. My rationality.
The irrationality speaks and has spoken. But i cannot, will not let it stay because when you truly love, you can hold back what you feel for them to let go because it is better for them to do so.
My child was sacrificed so that I may give my full potential to aid those most important in my life. I do not care if i have to do waht is painful and difficult, as long as those i love will benefit, and my mind is sane, i have nothing to lose.
Love is not rational. You can't always choose, and often it robs you of your riches, but that is just how it is. You can't stop. But if you have as much control as I have. You can pretend like there is nothing there. Unless. ..</font>
... unless...
<font size=5>I can still remember what it was like once upon a time... in childhood</font>
and this was what it was like...
<font size=4>
and this is the dilema of which i speak...
... if we truly love, we let go and give them the least pain possible, have i ever loved so unselfishly? because if i let go, then i lose. maybe. more than likely. or... perhaps, its all for the better, that is the mystery in itself. and i am beyond caring if i choose to reside in my mind. but my long frozen heart has decided to beat once again.</font> but how do u let got what you don't have. water will fall through your hands if you don't cup carefully.
what i say makes no sense even to me. goodnite! ^_^ (i just felt like bs-ing for a bit)
-<em> or perhaps i have been sane for the 1st in my life in a long time</em> <strong> perhaps</strong>
<font size=3>I have many great and wonderful friends whom I love dearly and would no doubt fight for, or take a bullet for. I am the <strong>richest</strong> girl in the world. For my family, I would die without regret. I am also one of the most <em>masochistic</em> women in the world. We all suffer from a martyr syndrome. Perhaps we are all addicted to the pain. You all know what I mean, you all can relate, you've done it and you've felt it on purpose at one point or another in your life. Only most of you (not all) did it for the attention and to pride yourself for self sacrificial reasons. I did before too, but not anymore and i have been living a rich, full, and good life free of vices. but as for the masochism, I will again. But because my heart is screaming at me. I cannot contain this feeling inside of myself any longer. To do the right thing could possibly mean to wrong myself, but as long as i stay strong, I can still take care of what matters to me. I can be dead again, and still be a live and one of hte richest people in the world. Only this time i fear I will not let myself die and be reborn like the phoenix, and that is the masochism in which i speak of. because if i do, my heart will never recover completely and in the end i will marry for money. My rationality.
The irrationality speaks and has spoken. But i cannot, will not let it stay because when you truly love, you can hold back what you feel for them to let go because it is better for them to do so.
My child was sacrificed so that I may give my full potential to aid those most important in my life. I do not care if i have to do waht is painful and difficult, as long as those i love will benefit, and my mind is sane, i have nothing to lose.
Love is not rational. You can't always choose, and often it robs you of your riches, but that is just how it is. You can't stop. But if you have as much control as I have. You can pretend like there is nothing there. Unless. ..</font>
... unless...
<font size=5>I can still remember what it was like once upon a time... in childhood</font>
and this was what it was like...
<font size=4>
and this is the dilema of which i speak...
... if we truly love, we let go and give them the least pain possible, have i ever loved so unselfishly? because if i let go, then i lose. maybe. more than likely. or... perhaps, its all for the better, that is the mystery in itself. and i am beyond caring if i choose to reside in my mind. but my long frozen heart has decided to beat once again.</font> but how do u let got what you don't have. water will fall through your hands if you don't cup carefully.
what i say makes no sense even to me. goodnite! ^_^ (i just felt like bs-ing for a bit)
-<em> or perhaps i have been sane for the 1st in my life in a long time</em> <strong> perhaps</strong>
LOVE
BUT THEN AGIAN IM SO JADED
I'D MAKE A NICE PEICE OF JEWLRY.
BE CAREFUL W/ SLEEPING PILLS.
night. night.