That weekend went well. I went cottaging, built a fire, got to an altered state of mind. Got some great pictures. Hung out with lots of dogs include a pit-boxer cross I am falling in love with.
My dog was very protective of me.
I can't wait for my doctors appointment next week.
I've booked a sky dive jump for the 19th. Sadly some people who I was hoping would make it to watch me can't because of a sunday wedding. Its strange but it makes sense knowing who the people are.
This week, I've been having troubles re-burying feelings for my ex. I saw a picture of her and saw some guy with his arm around her. I assumed it was her b/f so I made a comment on the photo.
My friend who I told not to tell me about her status was like "They aren't dating". I got the feeling the whole discussion I had with them back in July went over their heads.
I told him "It doesn't matter if they are dating or not, in my crazy mind they are fucking either way so it don't matter". Its very hard to be logical person with this irrational side that just puts these ideas in my head. My irrational side is still in love with her obviously but I don't love her. I want to quell my irrationality by knowing what I did to deserve the silent treatment. I mean the last civil email I got from her she called me a friend. I was harsh back, but it was well deserved because I hadn't heard from her in so long I assumed we weren't.
Do they not get that I don't want to be back with her? Why do they always want to tell me her relationship status? They don't understand that it was her not treating me like a person is the problem I have and not trying to be back with her. I feel like there is something people aren't telling me. This is why I still think she cheated on me. I feel like everyone is trying to protect my feelings or lie'n to me.
Its also funny because I am always getting these life messages of people who say more and more "The more stories you tell the more this girl sounds totally crazy" (to that effect). I agree now.
I can't wait to talk to a shrink. I just feel like no one gets me. Am I just so normal that people just assume I am a certain way?
I've been depressed all week. Not mentally but psychically. I woke up early, always tired, never hungry.
I am having a really hard time with my feelings these last 2 years.
I would have never had guess that after becoming an adult I'd spend so much time and energy just dealing with my feelings.
My dog was very protective of me.
I can't wait for my doctors appointment next week.
I've booked a sky dive jump for the 19th. Sadly some people who I was hoping would make it to watch me can't because of a sunday wedding. Its strange but it makes sense knowing who the people are.
This week, I've been having troubles re-burying feelings for my ex. I saw a picture of her and saw some guy with his arm around her. I assumed it was her b/f so I made a comment on the photo.
My friend who I told not to tell me about her status was like "They aren't dating". I got the feeling the whole discussion I had with them back in July went over their heads.
I told him "It doesn't matter if they are dating or not, in my crazy mind they are fucking either way so it don't matter". Its very hard to be logical person with this irrational side that just puts these ideas in my head. My irrational side is still in love with her obviously but I don't love her. I want to quell my irrationality by knowing what I did to deserve the silent treatment. I mean the last civil email I got from her she called me a friend. I was harsh back, but it was well deserved because I hadn't heard from her in so long I assumed we weren't.
Do they not get that I don't want to be back with her? Why do they always want to tell me her relationship status? They don't understand that it was her not treating me like a person is the problem I have and not trying to be back with her. I feel like there is something people aren't telling me. This is why I still think she cheated on me. I feel like everyone is trying to protect my feelings or lie'n to me.
Its also funny because I am always getting these life messages of people who say more and more "The more stories you tell the more this girl sounds totally crazy" (to that effect). I agree now.
I can't wait to talk to a shrink. I just feel like no one gets me. Am I just so normal that people just assume I am a certain way?
I've been depressed all week. Not mentally but psychically. I woke up early, always tired, never hungry.
I am having a really hard time with my feelings these last 2 years.
I would have never had guess that after becoming an adult I'd spend so much time and energy just dealing with my feelings.