Now that 'normal' is within sight; I'm really embarrassed how I've acted for the last couple of years. I guess I just put myself in one unhealthy situation after another. I was talking to a friend and we're catching up. She was an old g/f from college now in a lesbian relationship. We're just catching up and I'm hoping she'll introduce me to some of her friends so I can at least get out more.
I'm actually talking to a girl online who I'm really digging. We only talk on msn and it is very friendship based right now which I'm cool with. We're getting along pretty good but I'd like to fast track to a cup of coffee or whatever
This year has really thrown me on my head. I really lost sight of myself and I am returning. I really can't wait to talk to a shrink and get better. My ex; well I wish I could resolve stuff with her. I guess its one of those things I'll always wish. I hate the feeling that someone hates me. I really do. I also hate that I'm now only looking at the negatives of our relationship and can't see the positive. I don't know how my view has shifted; but I really am happy it has. I wish I could not hate her but it is simmering underneath the surface.
Its been like that with other people. People I ended making a mortal enemy. I really hope it doesn't get that way.
The biggest thing I'm dealing with is "what do we do now". I finally got my apartment back; someone is no longer leaching off me. I gotta tell ya that really hurts. I mean someone just totally taking advantage of you; it hurts. Its family so I can't do much about it. That has been weight on my shoulders. I feel free again and I've started working on my making my apartment comfortable again. I hope the stupid bed bugs are gone.... grrrrr
My heart longs to find love again. I just hope I don't fuck up.
I'm actually talking to a girl online who I'm really digging. We only talk on msn and it is very friendship based right now which I'm cool with. We're getting along pretty good but I'd like to fast track to a cup of coffee or whatever
This year has really thrown me on my head. I really lost sight of myself and I am returning. I really can't wait to talk to a shrink and get better. My ex; well I wish I could resolve stuff with her. I guess its one of those things I'll always wish. I hate the feeling that someone hates me. I really do. I also hate that I'm now only looking at the negatives of our relationship and can't see the positive. I don't know how my view has shifted; but I really am happy it has. I wish I could not hate her but it is simmering underneath the surface.
Its been like that with other people. People I ended making a mortal enemy. I really hope it doesn't get that way.
The biggest thing I'm dealing with is "what do we do now". I finally got my apartment back; someone is no longer leaching off me. I gotta tell ya that really hurts. I mean someone just totally taking advantage of you; it hurts. Its family so I can't do much about it. That has been weight on my shoulders. I feel free again and I've started working on my making my apartment comfortable again. I hope the stupid bed bugs are gone.... grrrrr
My heart longs to find love again. I just hope I don't fuck up.
I can tell you, I really do empathize with you. I really, really do. I am pretty much in the same boat- still bailing out water so to speak.
things will get better with time.
xx