Hey there!
So I figured this totally earned it's own blog. Big moment for me honestly.
I finally got my first tattoo!! This is something I've been waiting for for a very long time! And I'm glad I had a while to think about it, and think about what I really want. I've had the idea for this tat for a couple years now, and just about 8 months ago I had even more reasoning for wanting what I got.
I have a mushroom tattoo on the backside of my right calf towards the middle. I defanitely believe that all tattoos should have some special meaning to the person getting them, not just pointless flash on yourself. For me, mushrooms hold a lot of special meaning. And for more than one reason.
True, I have eatten a lot of psychedelic mushies...and I've had countless amazing trips, and a few not so great trips. But the thing about almost every trip I ever enjoyed, or didn't enjoy...it helped me open a part of my mind and soul that I'd never reached before.
I'll start off with the experiences I had with one of my nearest and dearest friends, Katie. The few times this girl and I had together when we tripped may not have been the highlights of our lives, but it brought us closer together. We were on a level you only get to with people that you share a trip with. It's something words cannot explain. Not only that, but Katie was the one I kicked off my mushroom eatting with. She was around for most of the first few times...and that'll stay with me forever. Something about mushrooms really gets me. I love them more than any other substance out there. If I were to give up everything else on this earth, mushrooms would still be on my menu every once and a while.
Next I must give tribute to Jax...one of the most amazing woman I know...and the first roomate I ever had<3 This girl means the world to me...we had our differences for a little while there...and that while was a long miserable one for me.
Anywho, a little over a year ago is when Jax and I went on our little binge. We got about a half of mushies and ate them all throughout a week and a half span. We isolated ourselves a tad bit...but it was one of the most enlightening experiences I've ever had in my life and I look forward to the next time I can do something like that. I know it'll never be like it was that week though. Nothing will ever compare to those trips we had. In that week and a half, we reflected on the joys of being a child in CDA Park while swinging...and as such. We had a crazy night in her dad's AMAZING home, where we saw Jesus, laughed for hours over nothing and everything, saved me from the couch consuming me, hot-tubbed (then tripped harder), and had the night of our lives. We found an apartment to move into. We cleaned her mom's house after sharing an extremely happy day in the park<3 We discovered the perfect amount, and how amazing it was...and we discovered so much of ourselves in that week. We shared the joys of being independant from our familys (FINALLY)...and so much more. It was the happiest 2 weeks of my life<333
My final, and probably most important ode to mushrooms is this...
About a year ago I hooked up with this asshole named Graham. Graham and I were together until the end of August, then I went on the road for a month and our relationshit quickly deterierated, and I left the end of September for Arizona.
In the few months Graham and I were together...I allowed Graham to fuck so much of my life up so fast. I still feel ashamed for how ridiculous I became over it. I was completely blindsided by my love for him. I fell so hard and so fast...I must've hit my head or somethin'! (lulz)
I let him move into my apartment without discussion, I paid his way for everything, I let him degrade me and actually bought into all of it, I let him alienate me from the people I love and my real friends, I dealt with him being a fucked-off head-case, I let him victimize hisself and played into it anytime he freaked out over stupid shit, I let him talk me into lying for him when he had a fuck up (he fucked up my friends car and I had to lie for him and pay for it), and I even let him talk me into quitting me job and moving out of my apartment, without telling Jacqi and Jeremy until the last minute.
After all that, we had only a few friends we could turn to because he alienated us from everyone else...and we ended up homeless. Graham and I were homeless for 2 weeks because he wouldn't do the things he promised to do. Then we finally gave in and stayed in seperate places. I left for about 3 weeks to visit family...and when I came back Graham had found a new job, a new apartment with some co-workers, and new friends. As soon as I got back he made me out to look like the loser girlfriend that mooched off everyone, even though I was still paying for EVERYTHING for him because he was spending all his money on drugs...even though he still owed me $400 for Jax's car.
While I was visiting family he had promised me (and my mother) that he would find a place for us to live, and even try to find me a job. When I got back I assured my mom everything would be fine, and fabricated some things (like I had been doing, she still doesn't know I was homeless I don't think)...so she left me with some bitch who let me stay at her house whenever I needed to and told me I had a week to get a place with Graham or she'd come get me until the carnival season was over. Of course, Graham hadn't even talked to his roomates about me staying there...and he refused to. I was supposed to be staying at this woman's, but I wanted it to look like things were going as planned with Graham, so I would lie and tell her I was staying the night with him when I wasn't. Luckily I found a warm place to sleep those nights (thanks to my amazing friend Nick and his awesome mom Patty), but it was a close call every time.
Even though I was in such a shit situation...I wanted to have some fun with Graham because I knew he was hating how serious my situation was, and he hated that it was pretty much his fault. To get his mind off it, I got mushrooms for us one Friday. I went to his apartment in the morning, he woke up, didn't brush his teeth, shower, or change...just ate the mushrooms. It had been GOD KNOWS HOW LONG since he had taken a shower, and it was fucking disgusting to be around him. It makes my stomach churn thinking about how vile he was. As our trip slowly kicked in, I kept trying to get him to go somewhere, and he said, "Well where the fuck do you wanna go?! Figure that out then maybe. I don't just wanna wander around though."
So we sat there in his apartment and I watched him play video games (like I did everytime I went over there). At one point he got up to go to the bathroom, took for ever in the bathroom, and when he got out.....no rancid smell can compare to the smell that followed him from that bathroom. And I finally saw him for what he really was...and how everyone else did, and how I should have from the beginning. I saw his dark brown green yellowish aura, I saw the horrifying smell that filled the apartment, and I saw how pathetically miserable, fucked up, uncaring, and disgusting he was. That's when I realized, "Oh my fucking God...I can't stay here! I can't stay with him. Look at him. He doesn't give two flying fucks about himself, how could he possibly care about me at all? This has to end."
From that point on, my trip was awful...worst trip I've ever had. I could barely talk because it felt like my heart and soul and mind was being eatten. Then it got even worse, and gave me another stab of reality when his roomates came home wandering why we were still there (kind of pissed off really)...and Graham blamed the whole thing on me while I was in the bathroom. He said shit like, "Yeah dude, I dunno what the fuck's wrong with her, she just hasn't wanted to get off her ass all day. She just wanted to hang out here. I kept trying to get her to leave but she wouldn't." It made me fucking sick.
Then we left, went to the park and I told him and bawled my eyes out and he cried and we ended up in a church and he made me bad trip all about him and turned the whole situation around and cried about hisself and how he hates his dad and blah blah blah. I WAS FUCKING HOMELESS BECAUSE HE REFUSED TO HELP ME!
God. Just writing about it pisses me off.
Anyways, in conclusion... If it wouldn't have been for that trip...I think it would have taken me a very long time to realize that I was in love with the laziest, most self-centered, selfish, careless, manipulating, ungrateful, vile, headfucked, drug addict prick I think I know. And I grew up on a carnival people, so that's sayin' a lot. One of the most fucked up parts is how in denial he is about what kind of person he is. It's disgusting honestly. People like him make me physically sick to my stomach.
If it was not for mushrooms...I wouldn't have had the strength to leave him when I needed to. It hurt so bad...but it was the best thing for me. He didn't even come close to deserving my love or me at all.
Now, anytime I find myself in a relationship where I giving all the sacrifices, I can look at my mushroom and remember.
I'll remember true happiness, true friendships, newly found freedom, and having the strength to let myself maintain that, no matter what the cost is. Even if I have to get a broken heart, or break a heart...I will NEVER do that to myself again. And it's all thanks to mushrooms.
<33333
My Ode to Mushies
My Life Savers<3
(I will defanitely get some pics up soon!!)
So I figured this totally earned it's own blog. Big moment for me honestly.
I finally got my first tattoo!! This is something I've been waiting for for a very long time! And I'm glad I had a while to think about it, and think about what I really want. I've had the idea for this tat for a couple years now, and just about 8 months ago I had even more reasoning for wanting what I got.
I have a mushroom tattoo on the backside of my right calf towards the middle. I defanitely believe that all tattoos should have some special meaning to the person getting them, not just pointless flash on yourself. For me, mushrooms hold a lot of special meaning. And for more than one reason.
True, I have eatten a lot of psychedelic mushies...and I've had countless amazing trips, and a few not so great trips. But the thing about almost every trip I ever enjoyed, or didn't enjoy...it helped me open a part of my mind and soul that I'd never reached before.
I'll start off with the experiences I had with one of my nearest and dearest friends, Katie. The few times this girl and I had together when we tripped may not have been the highlights of our lives, but it brought us closer together. We were on a level you only get to with people that you share a trip with. It's something words cannot explain. Not only that, but Katie was the one I kicked off my mushroom eatting with. She was around for most of the first few times...and that'll stay with me forever. Something about mushrooms really gets me. I love them more than any other substance out there. If I were to give up everything else on this earth, mushrooms would still be on my menu every once and a while.
Next I must give tribute to Jax...one of the most amazing woman I know...and the first roomate I ever had<3 This girl means the world to me...we had our differences for a little while there...and that while was a long miserable one for me.
Anywho, a little over a year ago is when Jax and I went on our little binge. We got about a half of mushies and ate them all throughout a week and a half span. We isolated ourselves a tad bit...but it was one of the most enlightening experiences I've ever had in my life and I look forward to the next time I can do something like that. I know it'll never be like it was that week though. Nothing will ever compare to those trips we had. In that week and a half, we reflected on the joys of being a child in CDA Park while swinging...and as such. We had a crazy night in her dad's AMAZING home, where we saw Jesus, laughed for hours over nothing and everything, saved me from the couch consuming me, hot-tubbed (then tripped harder), and had the night of our lives. We found an apartment to move into. We cleaned her mom's house after sharing an extremely happy day in the park<3 We discovered the perfect amount, and how amazing it was...and we discovered so much of ourselves in that week. We shared the joys of being independant from our familys (FINALLY)...and so much more. It was the happiest 2 weeks of my life<333
My final, and probably most important ode to mushrooms is this...
About a year ago I hooked up with this asshole named Graham. Graham and I were together until the end of August, then I went on the road for a month and our relationshit quickly deterierated, and I left the end of September for Arizona.
In the few months Graham and I were together...I allowed Graham to fuck so much of my life up so fast. I still feel ashamed for how ridiculous I became over it. I was completely blindsided by my love for him. I fell so hard and so fast...I must've hit my head or somethin'! (lulz)
I let him move into my apartment without discussion, I paid his way for everything, I let him degrade me and actually bought into all of it, I let him alienate me from the people I love and my real friends, I dealt with him being a fucked-off head-case, I let him victimize hisself and played into it anytime he freaked out over stupid shit, I let him talk me into lying for him when he had a fuck up (he fucked up my friends car and I had to lie for him and pay for it), and I even let him talk me into quitting me job and moving out of my apartment, without telling Jacqi and Jeremy until the last minute.
After all that, we had only a few friends we could turn to because he alienated us from everyone else...and we ended up homeless. Graham and I were homeless for 2 weeks because he wouldn't do the things he promised to do. Then we finally gave in and stayed in seperate places. I left for about 3 weeks to visit family...and when I came back Graham had found a new job, a new apartment with some co-workers, and new friends. As soon as I got back he made me out to look like the loser girlfriend that mooched off everyone, even though I was still paying for EVERYTHING for him because he was spending all his money on drugs...even though he still owed me $400 for Jax's car.
While I was visiting family he had promised me (and my mother) that he would find a place for us to live, and even try to find me a job. When I got back I assured my mom everything would be fine, and fabricated some things (like I had been doing, she still doesn't know I was homeless I don't think)...so she left me with some bitch who let me stay at her house whenever I needed to and told me I had a week to get a place with Graham or she'd come get me until the carnival season was over. Of course, Graham hadn't even talked to his roomates about me staying there...and he refused to. I was supposed to be staying at this woman's, but I wanted it to look like things were going as planned with Graham, so I would lie and tell her I was staying the night with him when I wasn't. Luckily I found a warm place to sleep those nights (thanks to my amazing friend Nick and his awesome mom Patty), but it was a close call every time.
Even though I was in such a shit situation...I wanted to have some fun with Graham because I knew he was hating how serious my situation was, and he hated that it was pretty much his fault. To get his mind off it, I got mushrooms for us one Friday. I went to his apartment in the morning, he woke up, didn't brush his teeth, shower, or change...just ate the mushrooms. It had been GOD KNOWS HOW LONG since he had taken a shower, and it was fucking disgusting to be around him. It makes my stomach churn thinking about how vile he was. As our trip slowly kicked in, I kept trying to get him to go somewhere, and he said, "Well where the fuck do you wanna go?! Figure that out then maybe. I don't just wanna wander around though."
So we sat there in his apartment and I watched him play video games (like I did everytime I went over there). At one point he got up to go to the bathroom, took for ever in the bathroom, and when he got out.....no rancid smell can compare to the smell that followed him from that bathroom. And I finally saw him for what he really was...and how everyone else did, and how I should have from the beginning. I saw his dark brown green yellowish aura, I saw the horrifying smell that filled the apartment, and I saw how pathetically miserable, fucked up, uncaring, and disgusting he was. That's when I realized, "Oh my fucking God...I can't stay here! I can't stay with him. Look at him. He doesn't give two flying fucks about himself, how could he possibly care about me at all? This has to end."
From that point on, my trip was awful...worst trip I've ever had. I could barely talk because it felt like my heart and soul and mind was being eatten. Then it got even worse, and gave me another stab of reality when his roomates came home wandering why we were still there (kind of pissed off really)...and Graham blamed the whole thing on me while I was in the bathroom. He said shit like, "Yeah dude, I dunno what the fuck's wrong with her, she just hasn't wanted to get off her ass all day. She just wanted to hang out here. I kept trying to get her to leave but she wouldn't." It made me fucking sick.
Then we left, went to the park and I told him and bawled my eyes out and he cried and we ended up in a church and he made me bad trip all about him and turned the whole situation around and cried about hisself and how he hates his dad and blah blah blah. I WAS FUCKING HOMELESS BECAUSE HE REFUSED TO HELP ME!
God. Just writing about it pisses me off.
Anyways, in conclusion... If it wouldn't have been for that trip...I think it would have taken me a very long time to realize that I was in love with the laziest, most self-centered, selfish, careless, manipulating, ungrateful, vile, headfucked, drug addict prick I think I know. And I grew up on a carnival people, so that's sayin' a lot. One of the most fucked up parts is how in denial he is about what kind of person he is. It's disgusting honestly. People like him make me physically sick to my stomach.
If it was not for mushrooms...I wouldn't have had the strength to leave him when I needed to. It hurt so bad...but it was the best thing for me. He didn't even come close to deserving my love or me at all.
Now, anytime I find myself in a relationship where I giving all the sacrifices, I can look at my mushroom and remember.
I'll remember true happiness, true friendships, newly found freedom, and having the strength to let myself maintain that, no matter what the cost is. Even if I have to get a broken heart, or break a heart...I will NEVER do that to myself again. And it's all thanks to mushrooms.
<33333
My Ode to Mushies
My Life Savers<3
(I will defanitely get some pics up soon!!)
altaria:
Thankyou lady. Its made a real difference having support from my friends, and people on SG. I'm ok now, just was so crushed when it happened. He made up several excuses, guess he just wanted out! Dick 
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