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onlyoblivion

Member Since 2004

Followers 21 Following 81

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Thursday Oct 07, 2004

Oct 7, 2004
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It's been getting harder and harder to haul myself out of bed lately. I was entertaining hypotheses about seasonal changes or my abysmal sleeping habits, but I think I've discovered a better explanation.

Nothing in the world is worse than living an entire day you wish you could erase. Your alarm doesn't quite wake you up, or you smash the snooze button a dozen times. The only thought of which you are capable is a strong urge to stay in bed, but eventually you acquiesce to the accursed alarm when another thought imposes itself: "I have shit to do today". But it's all downhill from the very second you throw back the covers. You cut yourself shaving or otherwise manage to physically injure yourself. You break something expensive. You manage to lose a sizable amount of money to stupidity or misfortune. You miss appointments or deadlines. Work piles up and you can't seem to make any headway. You make new enemies and lose old friends. You not only get more bad news but somehow manage to make the news worse just by hearing it. You nevertheless try to maintain a positive outlook but are greeted with the worst situation yet, and realize it would have been completely prevented if youd been focused on paranoia and worst-case scenarios. You feel the first real chill in the air and accidentally unravel your warmest sweater.

Each negative event has its own sting, of course, but the individual events are nothing compared to the realization you face when you get back into bed at the end of the day: My God, if I had just stayed in bed this morning, if I had unplugged the alarm clock like I wanted to, rolled over, and gone back to sleep for 24 more hours, my life would be better in every conceivable way.

Ive been encountering days like this with accelerating frequency. Im looking forward to the point at which they completely break my spirit and I just stay in bed indefinitely. Maybe completely losing hope wont make my life any better, but at least at that point it wont get any worse.
VIEW 26 of 26 COMMENTS
odette:
yes yes. i hate drugs but its another thing to be jailed for using them. the problem i see with that is that most "correctional" facilities lack the proper drug rehabliltation programs, let alone the principle of doing time for something like USING drugs. selling in large amounts and what not though. thats different.

one veil dance comin up.

a hobbit hole would rule huh? thats what i went with although i like the airyness of a nest. im slightly wigged out by heights
Oct 22, 2004
malloreigh:
aw, no, that's totally normal!
Oct 24, 2004

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