onie

in hot water

i just took the most spendid bath. there are few things as fantastic as sitting in hot water. i cant remember the last time i took a bath but i really got to look at my legs while in the tub and i noticed something.. my legs resemble that of an albino (sp?)... yet.. my arms and feet (flip-flops to blame) are super tan.. well.. im not sure how but somehow my stomach is tan too.. (there is really no explination for this)... so basically i should just say my whole body is tan except for my legs... so im searching for my tan-in-a-can shit and cant find it... my body will be uniform in color so help me god.
ahh. i love how my legs feel right now.. super smooth... ahhh.... so now if i can pull focus off rubbing my legs i will be able to finish this post.

office space

i hate my job. and yes.. im doing something about that too.. but i still feel the need and do break into song at least 4 times a day at the office singing "i hate this fucking job" or "this is the worst fucking job in the world" or "id rather be having dry anal sex the be here".. oh yes.. i am that classy. my co-workers have learned to ignore my singing but on occasion one will chime in with "me too".

profile'n

if anyone has a digital camera they want to loan me for an hour or so that would be great cause i look like a tard in my profile pic.. yes i am aware i have been going on about this for some time and yes i am ready to do something about it. as i would love to post some pix of my newest hair i cant but soon i will buy a camera and you will be overloaded with pix of things similar to .. my pastie ass legs.. my back piece.. my new hair.. um.. what im eating for dinner. whatever.

such a FUCK-UP

so i fucked some guy the other night... big mistake.. i wasnt in the mood and was more preoccupied with listening to Aqua Teen which was playing in the background then to having emotionless sex. i havent had sex in a month. maybe longer. ive had no desire cause i just cant bring myself to be intimate with anyone.. and as i stated earlier.. emotionless sex is just a workout with the risk of pregnancy.. and i dont like those odds. the guy was really nice and all but im sure he wasnt feeling it just as much as i wasnt feeling it. *secret* i even tried pretending he was someone else.. someone i could feel intimate with and my brain wouldnt buy it. its not that he was bad in bed.. it was nothing like that.. but i should have known better cause i had the same thing happen with that random guy i picked up in that bar.. he was a good lay but i guess that doesnt mean shit if there is no connection. to make the situation worse he didnt inform me when he got off.. (some guys are hard to tell... he was kinda quiet)... he kept going... and i think we all know thats not a good idea... upon grabbing my clothes and heading to the bathroom i am informed that the condom is MIA. FUCK FUCK FUCK!!! all i could think was 'heads will roll if this leads to any unexpected life changes' .... me and this kid are better off friends. we both agree.

the in and outs of on-the-outs

i hurt someone. someone who loves me. they ask why im so guarded. why i wont open up. sadly sometimes i think they suspect its something they lack.. its not. i avoid intimacy. my heart is hurt, but im letting that hold me back from the love thats being offered. this person loves me. not many people in life do, but this person does. i need to work on myself. thats what im gonna do.

wow.. im tired... its amazing how that can happen. i think ill write before i go to bed tho.

aggressivly passive

and for anyone who gets tiresome of what i write about.. as lauren would say 'eat a dick and die' .. fuck off.. dont read my shit. if anyone is expecting me to say something like..' oh im sorry your bored.. what would you like me to write about'.. your sorely wrong.. and you look like a passive-aggressive control freak..

X
Onie