Lesbian Dating 101 (plus other advice for picking up a chick at a bar, and.. other Lesbo oddities)
The Lesbian world of dating, also not to excluding picking up women at gay bars is a very piculiar thing. Let me start by saying Saffron came into town (another paragraph on that to follow) and I had the privledge of taking her out on the town... since Im only familiar with one bar/club thats not Lesbian/Gay.. and you are bound to have 100 times more fun at a gay bar then a straight one.. I opted to take her to The Red Chair on Amsterdam Walk.. Also joining us was my good friend Jenny and boyfriend Steven. Now you have the background.. soo.. on with the stories of last night/ this morning...
After throwing back some drinks and watching a drag king show we dance floor officially opens.. me and Saffron and Steven are dancing.. then we opt for a cigarette break.. While standing on the back porch we start taling to some girls.. then this one I clearly recongize walks over.. oh yes.. yes.. Ive seen this face before.. as a matter I fact I saw this face last time I was here (almost 4 months ago).. she is beautiful.. but I remember my last experience with her all to well.. she doesnt remember me.. and she starts out by saying the same things she did to me last time we met which include such hit favorites as.. 'youre hot', ' i love your lip ring', 'your lip ring is hot', 'i miss my lip ring'... all the while Im like.. 'uh huh', 'i know'... 'you obviously dont remember me but ive heard all this before'.. "she says.. 'i really want to kiss you with that lip ring" .. I say "well then why dont you" .. she says "cause my exgirlfriend is around'.....(insert sounds of cars skretching to a hault).. 'you wont kiss me cause your EX gf is around'.. i say.. she says 'yes' .. I was like.. 'uh huh.. alright'.. I think this is the best time to give you some background info on my last experience with her... as you will find it more than benefical at this time.. so.. the background fades and you are taken to my last memory of her... There I am.. at the Red Chair dancing with Steven and Aaron.. she walks up to me on the dancefloor.. says.. 'youre really hot' .. i say 'thank you'... she says 'i love your lip ring' .. 'thanks' i say (this is all seeming like deja vu' , eh?!).. she says .. 'can i buy you a drink?' .. i say "sure" so we head to the bar.. she buys me a drink.. she starts kissing on my neck.. we walk outside to smoke.. the she unleashes the Ex files... 'my ex gf just left me 2 weeks ago and went to florida and bla bla bla.. shes here right now.. shes standing over there.. bla bla bla.. will you walk past here with me.. bla bla bla.. she this and she that.. and i cant believe her.. and bla bla bla.. after all our history.. bla bla bla.. should i go talk to her? .. should i? .. maybe i should just go talk to her" .. oh yes.. within 10 minutes of meeting.. i get to hear her and her ex's life history.. so i say 'Look if you want to talk to her.. go talk to her.. but Im not gonna tell you what you should do.. how the hell should i know that" .. so she goes to talk to her.. and leaves me with the girl she actually came with.. as i found out shortly after by.. you guessed it... the girl she came with... so then she comes back.. asks for my phone number (which honestly i reluctantly gave her due to her insanity.. which i tried to brush off because the relationship was so freshly over).. but now we are brought to the current moment.. around 4 months later... standing at this club.. and she says she cant kiss me cause her EX girfriend is somewhere around.. (i would like to point out her exgf got my phone number.. along with half her friends.. except the one girl i wanted.. which ill go into later).. i think to myself 'oh shit.. i really dont want to hear about her ex again' .. and let me say her ex is hot... and shit.. i enjoyed talking to her more than ive enjoyed talking about her with this chick who she dumped.. I started talking to the ex while the Crazy chick was buying me a drink.. oh how history repeats itself.. soo.. in summary.. first lesson in lesbian dating do not talk about the ex.. no one wants to hear about it.. especially not 2 times.. 4 months apart when they are just trying to have a good time at a club.. This is leading up to the second assult on my faith in lesbian sainity.. while the above situation is taking place i notice this girl.. she was the hottest shit Ive ever seen with my own 2 eyes.. and from the moment I saw her I fucking knew I wanted her.. and as it turns out.. shes friends with the Crazy Chick.. so .. apparently there is some unwritten law that if person A (crazy chick) likes person B (myself).. but person B (myself) doesnt like person A (crazy chick) .. (aside from her hotness).. but person B (myself).. like person C (her friend).. and person C (her friend) thinks person B (myself) is hot.. then person C (her friend) cannot "talk" to person B (myself) because person A (crazy chick) apprently called dibs on me.. its apparent that person B (myself) has no say in who she wants to talk to.. so her friend.. whom i will refer to as Friend came up to me and was like B***k really likes you (i will be referring to B***k as 'Crazy').. I said "Thats nice.. I really like you" .. at which point she gets this smile that makes me want to rip her fucking cloths of and devour every inch of this girl.. and she says.. 'yeah, but Crazy really likes you and I think you should talk to her' .. so i said " I have talked to her twice.. once four months ago and once tonight and all she talks about is her exgf".. and she was like "no.. shes a really good person and shes not hung up on her ex (bullshit).. and I think you should talk to her" .. I repeat.. "well.. Im trying to talk to you" .. and she was like "you dont understand.. I think your really hot but my friend likes you so I can only look at you" .. (I like to take this moment to say what i wanted to say then GOD FUCKING DAMNIT.. FUCK THE WORLD FUCK YOU ALL... FUCK THIS.. FUCK ME YOU HOT FUCKING BITCH.. MOTHER FUCKING SHIT.. WHAT THE FUCK) .. wooh.. so.. after attempting to persued her to understand that nothing was gonna happen with me and her friend I realized it was futile and that there is some sort of thing amongst lesbians where you can call someone.. like shoot gun for a car.. and you have rights to that person.. wtf. Now let me fast forward this shit.. Crazy chick (and shes not crazy.. but more than i have intrest in dealing with) wants to come with us.. so.. at Jennys request we swing by local Adult Novelty shop.. we are all running around having a good time.. (id like to note that there is a 'sex' toy called Anal Ring Toss.. where you stick the rod in the butt and throw rings on it.. its supposed to be a game i think.. and it wasnt in the gag gift section.. end side note).. Then.. me being desperate to find a pool to break into and skinny dip we found one.. which brought us to Crazy girls friends house... and low and behold her other hot friend whom Id briefly talked to at the club pulls up at the same time.. Crazy girl decided she was just gonna hang out at the apartment.. so me, Steven, Saffron, and hot mohawk girl (offically named Emily) go skinny dipping... me and Emily start kissing a little bit.. then she says.. "I dont want to piss off your girlfriend" .. now my first assumption was that she thought me and Saffron were together due to us bumping and grinding at the club all night.. so I said "oh actually we are friends.. we just met for the first time earlier today.. so.. she is not my girlfriend" .. she says 'No 'Crazy girl'" .. Now in my head its really hitting me how crazy this whole thing is.. now me and this hot mohawk chick cant make out cause Im Crazy girls girlfriend??? .. I was like..' um.. no'... so finally we start to kiss a bit again and she says something about making her jealous (crazy girl that is).. I was like "look.. the only person that could have the right to be jealous is that man over there (pointing to Steven).. and he doesnt care.. so this is really bullshit" .. she said.. "you and him are together?" .. i said.. "yes.." .. she said.. "youre dating or hes 'your boy'.. I said.. we are together".. i think this put thing in prospective for her as things then got pretty fucking hot in the pool.. and now her concern was not offending Steven.. which I assured her she wasnt.. and then I asked him if he felt intruded upon and as Steven would say.. sounding completely oblivious 'huh.. what are you talking about?' most genuinely said.. so.. we continued our fun.. which as she has my number i hope she will call.. altho she might not remember i dont have her number and she kept saying.. 'look.. if you actually want to see me you can give me a call, but i dont know what to think about you.. i mean.. shit.. youve got a boyfriend.. so if you want to hang out just call'.. i told her i dont have her number and i need her to call me.. lets hope she will as she was hot..
Finally we leave.. we get home a little after 6am.. we crash... we wake up and meet Llona for brunch and stroll around Little 5 Points..
so.. insummary.. of my Lesbian Dating 101 dont talk about your ex.. and can we do something to change this 'shot gun' policy on calling dibbs on people.. its not cool and who really wins?
The Lovely Saffron
Saturday Saffron came to town.. I would love to say this about her.. shes funny and sweet and amazing.. and we have come to the decision that she needs to come to Atlanta more often..
Saffron highlight moment of the evening.. (for me anyways) was having her dancing on the tables at the club.. then the worker coming over to tell her she had to get down.. Shes such a fucking riot.. I love this girl.. Thats right.. new in town yet stills jumps on the table and shakes her hot ass.. Id also like to say she has perfect pin-up tits.. where is the smilie with the drooling face?
okay.. 12 pages later. Ill end on that note
x
Onie
The Lesbian world of dating, also not to excluding picking up women at gay bars is a very piculiar thing. Let me start by saying Saffron came into town (another paragraph on that to follow) and I had the privledge of taking her out on the town... since Im only familiar with one bar/club thats not Lesbian/Gay.. and you are bound to have 100 times more fun at a gay bar then a straight one.. I opted to take her to The Red Chair on Amsterdam Walk.. Also joining us was my good friend Jenny and boyfriend Steven. Now you have the background.. soo.. on with the stories of last night/ this morning...
After throwing back some drinks and watching a drag king show we dance floor officially opens.. me and Saffron and Steven are dancing.. then we opt for a cigarette break.. While standing on the back porch we start taling to some girls.. then this one I clearly recongize walks over.. oh yes.. yes.. Ive seen this face before.. as a matter I fact I saw this face last time I was here (almost 4 months ago).. she is beautiful.. but I remember my last experience with her all to well.. she doesnt remember me.. and she starts out by saying the same things she did to me last time we met which include such hit favorites as.. 'youre hot', ' i love your lip ring', 'your lip ring is hot', 'i miss my lip ring'... all the while Im like.. 'uh huh', 'i know'... 'you obviously dont remember me but ive heard all this before'.. "she says.. 'i really want to kiss you with that lip ring" .. I say "well then why dont you" .. she says "cause my exgirlfriend is around'.....(insert sounds of cars skretching to a hault).. 'you wont kiss me cause your EX gf is around'.. i say.. she says 'yes' .. I was like.. 'uh huh.. alright'.. I think this is the best time to give you some background info on my last experience with her... as you will find it more than benefical at this time.. so.. the background fades and you are taken to my last memory of her... There I am.. at the Red Chair dancing with Steven and Aaron.. she walks up to me on the dancefloor.. says.. 'youre really hot' .. i say 'thank you'... she says 'i love your lip ring' .. 'thanks' i say (this is all seeming like deja vu' , eh?!).. she says .. 'can i buy you a drink?' .. i say "sure" so we head to the bar.. she buys me a drink.. she starts kissing on my neck.. we walk outside to smoke.. the she unleashes the Ex files... 'my ex gf just left me 2 weeks ago and went to florida and bla bla bla.. shes here right now.. shes standing over there.. bla bla bla.. will you walk past here with me.. bla bla bla.. she this and she that.. and i cant believe her.. and bla bla bla.. after all our history.. bla bla bla.. should i go talk to her? .. should i? .. maybe i should just go talk to her" .. oh yes.. within 10 minutes of meeting.. i get to hear her and her ex's life history.. so i say 'Look if you want to talk to her.. go talk to her.. but Im not gonna tell you what you should do.. how the hell should i know that" .. so she goes to talk to her.. and leaves me with the girl she actually came with.. as i found out shortly after by.. you guessed it... the girl she came with... so then she comes back.. asks for my phone number (which honestly i reluctantly gave her due to her insanity.. which i tried to brush off because the relationship was so freshly over).. but now we are brought to the current moment.. around 4 months later... standing at this club.. and she says she cant kiss me cause her EX girfriend is somewhere around.. (i would like to point out her exgf got my phone number.. along with half her friends.. except the one girl i wanted.. which ill go into later).. i think to myself 'oh shit.. i really dont want to hear about her ex again' .. and let me say her ex is hot... and shit.. i enjoyed talking to her more than ive enjoyed talking about her with this chick who she dumped.. I started talking to the ex while the Crazy chick was buying me a drink.. oh how history repeats itself.. soo.. in summary.. first lesson in lesbian dating do not talk about the ex.. no one wants to hear about it.. especially not 2 times.. 4 months apart when they are just trying to have a good time at a club.. This is leading up to the second assult on my faith in lesbian sainity.. while the above situation is taking place i notice this girl.. she was the hottest shit Ive ever seen with my own 2 eyes.. and from the moment I saw her I fucking knew I wanted her.. and as it turns out.. shes friends with the Crazy Chick.. so .. apparently there is some unwritten law that if person A (crazy chick) likes person B (myself).. but person B (myself) doesnt like person A (crazy chick) .. (aside from her hotness).. but person B (myself).. like person C (her friend).. and person C (her friend) thinks person B (myself) is hot.. then person C (her friend) cannot "talk" to person B (myself) because person A (crazy chick) apprently called dibs on me.. its apparent that person B (myself) has no say in who she wants to talk to.. so her friend.. whom i will refer to as Friend came up to me and was like B***k really likes you (i will be referring to B***k as 'Crazy').. I said "Thats nice.. I really like you" .. at which point she gets this smile that makes me want to rip her fucking cloths of and devour every inch of this girl.. and she says.. 'yeah, but Crazy really likes you and I think you should talk to her' .. so i said " I have talked to her twice.. once four months ago and once tonight and all she talks about is her exgf".. and she was like "no.. shes a really good person and shes not hung up on her ex (bullshit).. and I think you should talk to her" .. I repeat.. "well.. Im trying to talk to you" .. and she was like "you dont understand.. I think your really hot but my friend likes you so I can only look at you" .. (I like to take this moment to say what i wanted to say then GOD FUCKING DAMNIT.. FUCK THE WORLD FUCK YOU ALL... FUCK THIS.. FUCK ME YOU HOT FUCKING BITCH.. MOTHER FUCKING SHIT.. WHAT THE FUCK) .. wooh.. so.. after attempting to persued her to understand that nothing was gonna happen with me and her friend I realized it was futile and that there is some sort of thing amongst lesbians where you can call someone.. like shoot gun for a car.. and you have rights to that person.. wtf. Now let me fast forward this shit.. Crazy chick (and shes not crazy.. but more than i have intrest in dealing with) wants to come with us.. so.. at Jennys request we swing by local Adult Novelty shop.. we are all running around having a good time.. (id like to note that there is a 'sex' toy called Anal Ring Toss.. where you stick the rod in the butt and throw rings on it.. its supposed to be a game i think.. and it wasnt in the gag gift section.. end side note).. Then.. me being desperate to find a pool to break into and skinny dip we found one.. which brought us to Crazy girls friends house... and low and behold her other hot friend whom Id briefly talked to at the club pulls up at the same time.. Crazy girl decided she was just gonna hang out at the apartment.. so me, Steven, Saffron, and hot mohawk girl (offically named Emily) go skinny dipping... me and Emily start kissing a little bit.. then she says.. "I dont want to piss off your girlfriend" .. now my first assumption was that she thought me and Saffron were together due to us bumping and grinding at the club all night.. so I said "oh actually we are friends.. we just met for the first time earlier today.. so.. she is not my girlfriend" .. she says 'No 'Crazy girl'" .. Now in my head its really hitting me how crazy this whole thing is.. now me and this hot mohawk chick cant make out cause Im Crazy girls girlfriend??? .. I was like..' um.. no'... so finally we start to kiss a bit again and she says something about making her jealous (crazy girl that is).. I was like "look.. the only person that could have the right to be jealous is that man over there (pointing to Steven).. and he doesnt care.. so this is really bullshit" .. she said.. "you and him are together?" .. i said.. "yes.." .. she said.. "youre dating or hes 'your boy'.. I said.. we are together".. i think this put thing in prospective for her as things then got pretty fucking hot in the pool.. and now her concern was not offending Steven.. which I assured her she wasnt.. and then I asked him if he felt intruded upon and as Steven would say.. sounding completely oblivious 'huh.. what are you talking about?' most genuinely said.. so.. we continued our fun.. which as she has my number i hope she will call.. altho she might not remember i dont have her number and she kept saying.. 'look.. if you actually want to see me you can give me a call, but i dont know what to think about you.. i mean.. shit.. youve got a boyfriend.. so if you want to hang out just call'.. i told her i dont have her number and i need her to call me.. lets hope she will as she was hot..
Finally we leave.. we get home a little after 6am.. we crash... we wake up and meet Llona for brunch and stroll around Little 5 Points..
so.. insummary.. of my Lesbian Dating 101 dont talk about your ex.. and can we do something to change this 'shot gun' policy on calling dibbs on people.. its not cool and who really wins?
The Lovely Saffron
Saturday Saffron came to town.. I would love to say this about her.. shes funny and sweet and amazing.. and we have come to the decision that she needs to come to Atlanta more often..
Saffron highlight moment of the evening.. (for me anyways) was having her dancing on the tables at the club.. then the worker coming over to tell her she had to get down.. Shes such a fucking riot.. I love this girl.. Thats right.. new in town yet stills jumps on the table and shakes her hot ass.. Id also like to say she has perfect pin-up tits.. where is the smilie with the drooling face?
okay.. 12 pages later. Ill end on that note
x
Onie
VIEW 25 of 31 COMMENTS
But making out in the pool with a hot chic surely makes up for crazy chic