onida

And I'm grindin' til I'm tired
Cuz They say "You ain't grindin' til you tired
So I'm grindin' with my eyes wide
Looking to find
A way through the day
A light for the night
Dear Lord, done took so many of my people
I'm just wonderin' why you haven't taken my life
Like what the hell am I doing right?
My life

i don't know where i've gone and i don't know where i'm going. i am feeling more internal doubt than ever before. everything is bleak. the stiff swirls of emotions during the comedown, the realization that the euphoria isn't real, it's just your mind tricking you over and over again. i wonder why my heart doesn't just stop beating. the rhythm the pulse the inertia of the flow of blood through my veins. why isn't it coming to a halt? why doesn't my brain start to bleed and seep scarlet through my eyes. why do i keep blinking? why am i seeing what isn't real.

i am at the depths of the throws of my addiction. i can feel it. the bottom is bottomless. free falling. i just want to land, either somewhere in the soft dirt or in the fluffy clouds. i just don't want to keep falling anymore.

but maybe i can last one more day.