Another tale from the LGD.
After a long day/night of driving the cab I met up with a friend at the Mayfair. He was drunk and having issues with his girlfriend. After half a pitcher the bartender kicked us out and I drove his drunken ass home. I thought of stopping by one of the two bars that are within 50 ft of my apartment but decided to just go home and read.
Around 5:30am the passing road was finally starting to fade from my head. I thought it possible to sleep at that point. I laid down and shuffled through the files on my mp3 player looking for "The Adventures of Phillip Marlowe" - I'm a nerd for old radio shows.
I heard the clinging of my fence in the backyard. It was probably a cat, I thought. A few minutes later I heard what sounded like a girls voice. I thought nothing of that also. I live next to a notorious late night bar so there is almost always some stupid hussie blathering about something or another in front of my house. The girls voice continued though, along with the clanking of of the fence. Only the girl wasn't talking. It was a moan and it was incredibly in sync with the clanking of the fence. Hmm. The fence is in the backyard and the... wait a minute.
I walked to my backdoor and sure enough, someone was having sex in my backyard. I thought for a minute to just let them be. But really, the crowd at this notorious late night dive has changed and I figured it was a couple of yuppie shit heads so I changed my mind.
I opened my back door expecting to find them going at it against my fence but there was no one there.
"Oh, Oh" she moaned.
I flipped the light on in my shed and noticed the wall of my shed being pushed in at the same rhythm of the moans.
I walked over to the side of the shed and peaked my head around the corner.
A guy was in what had to be the most awkward squatting position for fucking. Think Elvis style leg lunge. The girl was on a chair I had left in my backyard with her legs spread wide open. I couldn't imagine the sex was any good for either of them.
I interrupted in mid Elvis thrust.
"Sorry to ruin things for you. But I think you guys should find a place to fuck that isn't my backyard!"
"Oh, shit," the girl uttered.
The guy looked up at me.
"Shit."
I hid my laughter.
Right as I turned to walk back in the house I heard the guy say,
"Shit. I think I know that guy."
I had to bite my tongue to keep from laughing.
I did know the guy. Had I known it was him I wouldn't have cared. I felt a little guilty afterward.
The next afternoon I was at my local coffee shop and ran into a friend. I told her the story and she laughed.
"Wait, what did the guy look like?" She asked.
I described him and she let out another yelp.
"Ha, I know who the girl was. She's my friend. I saw them walking down your driveway."
"Well, you saw them right after I did then."
"She's actually on her way over here to meet me. I can't wait to tell her." She said with glee.
I didn't bother to stick around to see what the girl looked like in daylight.
After a long day/night of driving the cab I met up with a friend at the Mayfair. He was drunk and having issues with his girlfriend. After half a pitcher the bartender kicked us out and I drove his drunken ass home. I thought of stopping by one of the two bars that are within 50 ft of my apartment but decided to just go home and read.
Around 5:30am the passing road was finally starting to fade from my head. I thought it possible to sleep at that point. I laid down and shuffled through the files on my mp3 player looking for "The Adventures of Phillip Marlowe" - I'm a nerd for old radio shows.
I heard the clinging of my fence in the backyard. It was probably a cat, I thought. A few minutes later I heard what sounded like a girls voice. I thought nothing of that also. I live next to a notorious late night bar so there is almost always some stupid hussie blathering about something or another in front of my house. The girls voice continued though, along with the clanking of of the fence. Only the girl wasn't talking. It was a moan and it was incredibly in sync with the clanking of the fence. Hmm. The fence is in the backyard and the... wait a minute.
I walked to my backdoor and sure enough, someone was having sex in my backyard. I thought for a minute to just let them be. But really, the crowd at this notorious late night dive has changed and I figured it was a couple of yuppie shit heads so I changed my mind.
I opened my back door expecting to find them going at it against my fence but there was no one there.
"Oh, Oh" she moaned.
I flipped the light on in my shed and noticed the wall of my shed being pushed in at the same rhythm of the moans.
I walked over to the side of the shed and peaked my head around the corner.
A guy was in what had to be the most awkward squatting position for fucking. Think Elvis style leg lunge. The girl was on a chair I had left in my backyard with her legs spread wide open. I couldn't imagine the sex was any good for either of them.
I interrupted in mid Elvis thrust.
"Sorry to ruin things for you. But I think you guys should find a place to fuck that isn't my backyard!"
"Oh, shit," the girl uttered.
The guy looked up at me.
"Shit."
I hid my laughter.
Right as I turned to walk back in the house I heard the guy say,
"Shit. I think I know that guy."
I had to bite my tongue to keep from laughing.
I did know the guy. Had I known it was him I wouldn't have cared. I felt a little guilty afterward.
The next afternoon I was at my local coffee shop and ran into a friend. I told her the story and she laughed.
"Wait, what did the guy look like?" She asked.
I described him and she let out another yelp.
"Ha, I know who the girl was. She's my friend. I saw them walking down your driveway."
"Well, you saw them right after I did then."
"She's actually on her way over here to meet me. I can't wait to tell her." She said with glee.
I didn't bother to stick around to see what the girl looked like in daylight.