I realize that I haven't updated in a while, which i think is interesting because i've been visiting the site for the boards at least once a day. Now, I've wondered why exactly that was the case, and I think I've figured it out.
Really there hasn't been anything worth of an updates in terms of my life. Not to much has changed in that aspect, however I've done more frequent updates in the past. Basically my level of reflection has gone down a lot. And while in some ways i suppose you could see it as me growing up, but really i think i'm just trying to avoid my problems.
Because for the truth of the matter this is the most lost I've felt in a long while.
Living at home has been a drag, not so much as i can't do what I want to do, because in a technical basis I've actually got more money from living at home and thus able to do more things. But really, the reason why I hate it is because I become so fucking apathetic in this house it's insane. There really isn't a good, productive influence around me in this house. I can prettymuch say with certainty that my parents are two of the laziest people i know. Put it this way; I grew up eating dinner between 8:00-9:30 pm. This wasn't because my family were just naturally late eaters and the thought that this was the best time to consume dinner, it's just that they considered it such a hassle that they'd always put it off for other things. It's gotten even worse since all of my siblings and I have graduated high school. So being in this type of environment has not been good for me at all.
Academically and intellectually I've really gone down the shitter. I haven't read a book for fun in a long time, and overall my studying skills have greatly suffered from me being around this environment. I was a lazy kid growing up, and I'm a lazy kid when i'm around my parents. I don't go to the gym.
And that's just the short term.
In terms of long term issues I'm really fucking clueless.
1. I'm a sophomore and I still haven't declared my major. I wish I had an idea, but the reason why I haven't declared is because lately I've come to the realization that I have NO IDEA as to what I want to do. My Dad is an eletist and when i started college we both agreed that it was all about transfering into a good school. Getting a bullshit undergrad and then a law degree afterwards. I'm realizing now that it's a bullshit plan. You can't go through the whole education process not having any idea of what you want to do. I mean right now i can't chose between being an anthropologist, philosopher, biologist or economics/finance/anything related to the business world. I'm so fucking indecisive about these issues that while i should have schedualed my classes about 3 weeks ago, I still haven't gotten around to it because I'm so lost, which is detrumental to me on several levels. I tried talking to my parents about this issue and they're not helping because my dad thought I was going to transfer to william and mary in the spring. But what he doesn't know is that I don't want to go to a school that's know to have snobby rich students (a subject of great debate between my father and I, I went to highschool with those type of kids, I hate them and want to avoid them at all costs, meanwhile my dad says that I'm being prejudice for doing that but i believe its just because due to his private school upbringing, he actually likes those people). FURTHERMORE, THE DUE DATE FOR APPLICATIONS WAS A WEEK AGO. I found out that little jem tonight, and am stricken with fear about telling him that.
GAHHHHH.
IF ANYONE HAS ANY ADVICE AS TO WHAT I SHOULD DO ABOUT MY COLLEGE/CAREER. I'M IN DESPERATE NEED OF SOME GUIDENCE. HELP.
Really there hasn't been anything worth of an updates in terms of my life. Not to much has changed in that aspect, however I've done more frequent updates in the past. Basically my level of reflection has gone down a lot. And while in some ways i suppose you could see it as me growing up, but really i think i'm just trying to avoid my problems.
Because for the truth of the matter this is the most lost I've felt in a long while.
Living at home has been a drag, not so much as i can't do what I want to do, because in a technical basis I've actually got more money from living at home and thus able to do more things. But really, the reason why I hate it is because I become so fucking apathetic in this house it's insane. There really isn't a good, productive influence around me in this house. I can prettymuch say with certainty that my parents are two of the laziest people i know. Put it this way; I grew up eating dinner between 8:00-9:30 pm. This wasn't because my family were just naturally late eaters and the thought that this was the best time to consume dinner, it's just that they considered it such a hassle that they'd always put it off for other things. It's gotten even worse since all of my siblings and I have graduated high school. So being in this type of environment has not been good for me at all.
Academically and intellectually I've really gone down the shitter. I haven't read a book for fun in a long time, and overall my studying skills have greatly suffered from me being around this environment. I was a lazy kid growing up, and I'm a lazy kid when i'm around my parents. I don't go to the gym.
And that's just the short term.
In terms of long term issues I'm really fucking clueless.
1. I'm a sophomore and I still haven't declared my major. I wish I had an idea, but the reason why I haven't declared is because lately I've come to the realization that I have NO IDEA as to what I want to do. My Dad is an eletist and when i started college we both agreed that it was all about transfering into a good school. Getting a bullshit undergrad and then a law degree afterwards. I'm realizing now that it's a bullshit plan. You can't go through the whole education process not having any idea of what you want to do. I mean right now i can't chose between being an anthropologist, philosopher, biologist or economics/finance/anything related to the business world. I'm so fucking indecisive about these issues that while i should have schedualed my classes about 3 weeks ago, I still haven't gotten around to it because I'm so lost, which is detrumental to me on several levels. I tried talking to my parents about this issue and they're not helping because my dad thought I was going to transfer to william and mary in the spring. But what he doesn't know is that I don't want to go to a school that's know to have snobby rich students (a subject of great debate between my father and I, I went to highschool with those type of kids, I hate them and want to avoid them at all costs, meanwhile my dad says that I'm being prejudice for doing that but i believe its just because due to his private school upbringing, he actually likes those people). FURTHERMORE, THE DUE DATE FOR APPLICATIONS WAS A WEEK AGO. I found out that little jem tonight, and am stricken with fear about telling him that.
GAHHHHH.
IF ANYONE HAS ANY ADVICE AS TO WHAT I SHOULD DO ABOUT MY COLLEGE/CAREER. I'M IN DESPERATE NEED OF SOME GUIDENCE. HELP.
You seem like you have pretty diverse interests. I'd say that's a good thing. When I came to college I had tunnel vision. I came here to do graphic design and I knew if I started considering all of the possibilities I'd get overwhelmed and confused and never make up my mind. Now I'm a senior and I've been realising that I may not want to be a graphic designer, so I've started taking as many animation/film classes as possible to see if that's something that I wanna do. For me my undergrad degree is just a springboard for me to learn other mediums. This may not be as easy for you to do, or maybe it's even easier. My school has a pretty rigid system. I have 15 hours of in major studio time per week plus 3-6 hrs of lib arts...not to mention the time consumed by projects outside of class. If you can, pic the major that allows you to persue your other interests.
If you are sure you are going to grad school do what you love now while you're figuring out what you'll need to do in grad school in order to turn what you love into a career.
As for not wanting to go to a snobby school, I know how you feel. A lot of people told me not to go to risd because it's "full of rich snobs" etc., but I followed my instincts and I couldn't be happier. Usually "snobby" schools have good reputations for a reason. I couldn't be getting a better education then I am anywhere else. I am even more sure of this after going to UMass and Merrimack college this summer. I felt like I was in highschool. The students didn't seem very engaged or motivated and all of the tests were based on memorization, which is truely the most superficial way of "learning." Say what you will about snobby art school kids, but I have never met so many hard working people in my life. I am constantly blown away by the work created by other students.
There are snobs everywhere. Don't let that effect your decision. I went to a wealthy private school for ten years. Then I went to a catholic highschool that was more middle class and did a really great job helping people of different incomes pay for an education there. I found that the kids here were actually more snobby and image concious, because they were trying to act like they had more money then they really did. In private school I felt like most of the kids were almost embarassed to come from wealthier families.
A name can also open a lot of doors. You can't turn down opportunities in life.
Just my humble opinions. Goos luck!
If all else failes, just crank some Bob Marley and light up a fat spliff.
you could also just say the fuck with school and then your dad will dis-own you and you can be left alone. you really need to ndo what you want withought worrying about your dad. what can he really do about it all? you ae legally an adult.
as far as not knowing what you want to do wit your life, i don't think any body really knows. try not to be so hard on your self, wich is hard, i know, i do it too. if you need a hug or something give me a call.