I really want to write something positive, and the best writers can draw from all kinds of scenarios, real or imaginary.
I lack that level of intelligence...so I'll try and make this as un-me, as possible?
I just want to say thanks to everyone on Chat, I don't have the best life (I don't have the worst either I know, but when you're so anger...
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I lack that level of intelligence...so I'll try and make this as un-me, as possible?
I just want to say thanks to everyone on Chat, I don't have the best life (I don't have the worst either I know, but when you're so anger...
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Fuck my life. it sucks, has always sucked, will always suck hereafter. Fuck it all, fuck everything.
I apparently have no soul, I'm still pondering if that empty void is actually empty or if it is filled with bile and human excrement which would explai nthe rest of my lacklustre existence.
I was not made for this earth, if I was I would have had...
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I apparently have no soul, I'm still pondering if that empty void is actually empty or if it is filled with bile and human excrement which would explai nthe rest of my lacklustre existence.
I was not made for this earth, if I was I would have had...
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kaikai:
I hope you're feeling a bit more positive. I'm glad you're back to
Omaru and I'm sorry you get so down on yourself. Have you ever tried to see someone about this all? I know it may sound silly but it has helped me during hard times in the past. <3
Omaru and I'm sorry you get so down on yourself. Have you ever tried to see someone about this all? I know it may sound silly but it has helped me during hard times in the past. <3
omaru:
No, I went to a doctor once around 10 years ago and said "I was depressed" I got one psychotherapy session and a months supply of ciprimil and I never got called back, so I've never really trusted doctors since then. I'm usually good and it only annoys me I guess every six months or so. Most of the time I don't fret about my ugliness and I don't usually care about social awkwardness cause I'm not overly fond of the people I work with, somedays it would be nice to get on with people better but 98% of the time it's nicer to just be able to sit down and read uninterrupted.
I guess I'm more worried about the long term, I was never smart enough to go to uni so I've never lived alone or have any semblance of what it is to be self reliant. But my mom will be 71 this year so I always feel like I have that biological clock ticking away before the rug gets pulled from under me, When my brothers moved out it was pretty much because they had partners to move in with so I guess I feel like maybe I'm not living up to the the 'standard' but also don't really know what I should be doing to change.
I guess I'm more worried about the long term, I was never smart enough to go to uni so I've never lived alone or have any semblance of what it is to be self reliant. But my mom will be 71 this year so I always feel like I have that biological clock ticking away before the rug gets pulled from under me, When my brothers moved out it was pretty much because they had partners to move in with so I guess I feel like maybe I'm not living up to the the 'standard' but also don't really know what I should be doing to change.
Back to work... for 3 weeks, 3 long miserable weeks, then off work for 2 weeks, 2 weeks that will probably just fly by.
*sigh*
And shortly after that my account here will be up, and I feel like it's not worth renewing. And I might be so fortunate that other aspects of my life might also come to such an abupt end, I refuse...
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*sigh*
And shortly after that my account here will be up, and I feel like it's not worth renewing. And I might be so fortunate that other aspects of my life might also come to such an abupt end, I refuse...
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kaikai:
false!
Gotta get myself connected.
Okay this is pissing me off, I keep connecting to SG chat and I just keep getting timed out or stuff, cnd it must be this ned because there are people in the chat itself.... I just wanted to show my face (not literally) because I've been absenst for so long.
A week ago I attended my first real gig, I...
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Okay this is pissing me off, I keep connecting to SG chat and I just keep getting timed out or stuff, cnd it must be this ned because there are people in the chat itself.... I just wanted to show my face (not literally) because I've been absenst for so long.
A week ago I attended my first real gig, I...
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maryjay:
<3 Im always here when you need me <3
I'm sitting here right now with a slightly heightened sense of awareness, my palms are sweaty and all other attempts to find something to do are proving useless. No I'm not my usual self depreciative self (well I am... sorta, but we'll get to that later.) So why the excitement...
My brother, my half brother who I've known and been raised with for the last...
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My brother, my half brother who I've known and been raised with for the last...
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I'm done, I will never fit in, be part of the crowd, I'll never be part of the alternative crowd either, "tooo boring, too tame, too straight edge"
There is no place for me, and I see no point in hanging around once my account expires, I have no idea what I hoped to achieve by joining this place but it's just another pit stop...
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There is no place for me, and I see no point in hanging around once my account expires, I have no idea what I hoped to achieve by joining this place but it's just another pit stop...
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I have subhuman features and I'm not photogenic, the typeof guy who might appear on some crime show... so it's only natural that I have tendancies to want to kill right?
Maybe not, but I do, rest assured this isn't walk into a playground and unload round after round into pupils and teachers kind of craziness, just all the bad shit I hear on the...
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Maybe not, but I do, rest assured this isn't walk into a playground and unload round after round into pupils and teachers kind of craziness, just all the bad shit I hear on the...
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lavender_:
Hey Oma,
Yeah that's the reason I broke in chat on Monday and have been down pretty much all week. Yesterday was the funeral and the reality hammersmackdown came around again.
Thank you for your kind words.
Yeah that's the reason I broke in chat on Monday and have been down pretty much all week. Yesterday was the funeral and the reality hammersmackdown came around again.
Thank you for your kind words.
kaikai:
I like you!
Tomorrow I turn 30, and the world will suck a little more, I'll be a littler older, a little bittereer and my life will be one step closer to becoming a Judd Apatow movie or something.
Still while I have another hour and 3 mins before tomorrow strikes I can talk about the crapfest that today has been.
Work sucked, we had a lot of...
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Still while I have another hour and 3 mins before tomorrow strikes I can talk about the crapfest that today has been.
Work sucked, we had a lot of...
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I've had my account for 16 months and I'm writing my first blog.
Why wait this long, good question, why write one at all????
I dunno the need to vent I guess. if I wanted a blog that no one will read I still have a myspace account set up somewhere.
I don't know what i'm doing here, I have no idea why the fuck...
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Why wait this long, good question, why write one at all????
I dunno the need to vent I guess. if I wanted a blog that no one will read I still have a myspace account set up somewhere.
I don't know what i'm doing here, I have no idea why the fuck...
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VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
maryjay:
Thank you again <3 Hope you had sweet dreams <3
omaru:
Gini: it's not deep, it's extrememely shallow and I'm laying my one trick card of "everyone hates me." Something I do a lot because I very often believe it to be true.
Favourite superhero... well from a non established viewpoint I relate to the Crimson Bolt from the movie 'Super' more his pathetic nature than his need for wanton violence over the pettiest crimes.
As for the known ones, I guess Batman (DC) cause he's moody and brooding but always tries to do the right thing, some of the events he's been through I thought weakened him until he gave his sppech to the previously dead robin aboout the Joker "No. God Almighty, no. It'd be too damned easy. All I've ever wanted to do is kill him. A day doesn't go by I don't think about subjecting him to every horrendous torture he's dealt out to others and them end him." That won me back some respect.
And for marvel, Spider-man cause that's who Iwatched growing up on saturday mornings and though the animation was a little bad, he always had problems in his real life that his 'work' got in the way of, no other cartoon or superhero had those kind of issues. When you're 12 years old (as I was in 1994) that makes all the difference.
Favourite superhero... well from a non established viewpoint I relate to the Crimson Bolt from the movie 'Super' more his pathetic nature than his need for wanton violence over the pettiest crimes.
As for the known ones, I guess Batman (DC) cause he's moody and brooding but always tries to do the right thing, some of the events he's been through I thought weakened him until he gave his sppech to the previously dead robin aboout the Joker "No. God Almighty, no. It'd be too damned easy. All I've ever wanted to do is kill him. A day doesn't go by I don't think about subjecting him to every horrendous torture he's dealt out to others and them end him." That won me back some respect.
And for marvel, Spider-man cause that's who Iwatched growing up on saturday mornings and though the animation was a little bad, he always had problems in his real life that his 'work' got in the way of, no other cartoon or superhero had those kind of issues. When you're 12 years old (as I was in 1994) that makes all the difference.
Hello!
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
loretta:
I've seen all of it all ready and I even own them 
Great series.
Great series.
loretta:
Ah yes Limbo is fantastic, I need to play through that some time soon 
Find something you like doing and give it ago. For the record I didn't go to Uni either and chat is a good release.