2am:
i just woke up from a dream about a guy that i dated when i was 19. i want to smash my face into a wall for the way i treated him.
i was his first girlfriend. i still have a tape that he made for me. he was brillant and beautiful and sweet and fun, and he didn't deserve the shit that i put him through.
we broke up because i got really drunk and cheated on him. i was 19, drunk out of my mind at a bar, and somehow ended up going home with a much older guy that i had just met. i don't even remember it really.
i can never make up for that. i can't take it back. this was 7 years ago and i still can't forgive myself. i wish i could go back and do things differently.
it was a nice dream until i woke up and thought about how awful i was to him. i don't know where it came from though, i haven't seen him in years. i wonder if he still hates me, or if he even remembers me? if so, i hope that he remembers more about us than just the end. i want him to remember the good parts, too.
i just woke up from a dream about a guy that i dated when i was 19. i want to smash my face into a wall for the way i treated him.
i was his first girlfriend. i still have a tape that he made for me. he was brillant and beautiful and sweet and fun, and he didn't deserve the shit that i put him through.
we broke up because i got really drunk and cheated on him. i was 19, drunk out of my mind at a bar, and somehow ended up going home with a much older guy that i had just met. i don't even remember it really.
i can never make up for that. i can't take it back. this was 7 years ago and i still can't forgive myself. i wish i could go back and do things differently.
it was a nice dream until i woke up and thought about how awful i was to him. i don't know where it came from though, i haven't seen him in years. i wonder if he still hates me, or if he even remembers me? if so, i hope that he remembers more about us than just the end. i want him to remember the good parts, too.
another girl i dated, serveral years ago. when i was 15-16. i wasnt just her first boyfriend, i was her first everything. first kiss even. we dated about a year and a half and i probably would have ended up marrying the girl except that she was way too jealous. so i broke up with her. even still, i broke her heart, and i hate having to hurt people.
anyway, i wouldnt worry about it too much. unless you still have some feelings for him hiding in there somewhere. i know that theres one girl tht i never actually dated but ws very close with. and i stil think of her all the time.
in any case, i thinkall this means is tht you are a good person. people make mistakes. obviously you felt guilty. and obviously hurting him hurt you. this means youre a good person. dont forget that.