My original title for this post was, ' The No Scalpel Vasectomy Experience, Or How Having a Hole Punched in my Balls and a hook and Soldering Iron Taken to Them Wasn’t So Bad, But Also Wasn’t that Great Either.'
Joking aside, what this post is not, a scare story. It is meant to be a down to earth telling of my own experience for when and why I chose to have a vasectomy. Every person who possess a functioning dick capable of contributing to reproduction of the species will have their own values, and concerns, when choosing what is without argument the most effective method of birth control available to a man.
So what exactly is the No Scalpel Vasectomy?
1, They after pre surgery prep, use a thing like a knitting needle to poke an opening into your scrotum.
2, Going into that hole with another tool, they hook the tubes that bring sperm to the semen from both testes, and partially pull it out the hole.
3, They cauterize those tubes.
4, They put it all back, and let the hole close, doing a suture.
So, you are awake for all this. They apply a numbing agent, and a local to your sack. You will feel the procedure, but outside the initial putting a giant needle into your balls to poke a hole in them, nothing that uncomfortable. I wouldn’t say there was anything even moderately painful during the procedure itself. But you will smell the smoke when they cauterize the tubes. This is when your urologist, if they are comedians like mine was, will make a joke about you having ‘balls of fire.’
The only really uncomfortable moment was the pre-surgery prep. This is when they will shave you down, and sterilize the ‘manland’ area. For me, this whole experience was awkward as Hell. The nurse is sitting there, fooling about with your junk, and trying to make conversation to make it less awkward, and failing horribly. There is just no way that getting an unwanted hand job (yes, they exist), from a stranger, in a completely non-sexual context, while mentally readying yourself to have your balls poked open, will not have you rather wishing you were being mauled by a wild animal with radioactive rabies at that moment.
Post surgery? No jerking or sex for at least three days. Then only if you feel better, and stop if you are not ready. The rest of the day after the surgery? It basically will feel like someone is setting a 100lbs sack of Portland Cement mix down on your balls, and leaving it there. There is a constant sensation of pressure on the testes during this time with the swelling, and about the best you can do is ice, and lay still. To compare it to another medical procedure I have had though, post op is nowhere near as bad as lathroscopic hernia surgery on both sides was.
In my case, I developed a rare condition post procedure (like 1 in a 1000), usually known as PVPS, which unimaginatively stands for Post Vasectomy Pain Syndrome. I have a moderate case, where at times I experience a good deal of pain upon ejaculating. It every so often feels as if I am receiving a very forceful kick to the balls as I cum. It leads a man to an odd place where he is getting ready to cum, and he actually has to ready himself for the most enjoyable physical sensation, or the most enjoyable physical sensation along with the pain of being kicked in the balls simultaneously. Being the simple creature I am, I’ll still take cuming with a side of ball ache over not at all any day though.
Now, the why did I chose vasectomy.
Less risk, less cost, less recovery and pain, and less to ask of my wife after giving birth to my two children, versus what tubal ligation offered. As a husband there just was no case where upon me and my wife agreeing that two children was enough, that there was a case for her to undergo tubal ligation, or start some other birth control regime when I had this option. Even having PVPS, I would still decide to have the procedure done as it turned out for me versus the other alternatives for birth control available to me and my wife.
Some of the actual negatives?
Many women will find you less ‘mate worthy’ i.e., less physically desirable, upon knowing you have had a vasectomy. Sounds crazy, but in the sense of the ‘mating game’ which evolution has us all playing by, a male no longer capable of reproducing is out. It is hard wired into the species, and goes both ways. A man, upon finding out a woman is physically incapable of bearing children, even if he does not cognitively desire to reproduce, will find them less attractive for partnering. This decrease in attraction can also happen with your current partner. Now is it a deal breaker for a significant percentage of women? No, obviously not. But it must be appreciated that on a physical level, a system evolution has built into us is at play here, it doesn’t matter how we feel, or what we wish or willed ourselves to think, natural instincts can be as assured of having consequences as gravity. All I am saying is, be prepared to do the work for dealing with how this will alter your relationship, it won’t be ‘out of sight, out of mind’ despite how much you both may pretend it is if it happens.
Psychological consequences from having a vasectomy are real, and need to be prepared for. There is no guarantee of it being reversible, and it is impossible to undo the development of sperm antibodies once you start producing them. So it is a very dramatic alteration to the body in this sense, affecting one of its primary functions, participation in reproduction and passing down of your genes. It is not something to go into with doubt, or being unprepared for the finality of its consequences.
So, that is really all I have to share on this. I just was looking for something to blog about, and decided it was a topic I had direct experience with, and did not see much shared on. I really wish that there had been a few ‘This is what I experienced’ tellings of what vasectomy was like before I had mine. I do not think they would have changed my mind for getting it done, but they would have better prepared me mentally for some of the more psychological factors and consequences I mention above.