oktavia

Holy frijoli .. it's been a long time since I posted anything. D: My bad? A lot of stuff has happened recently and things have been a little crazy. First off, a few weeks ago I started having really bad panic attacks again, bordering on psychosis. I had to stay in the mental ward for a night. I'm on all kinds of medicine, lithium, prozac, ect. I do feel better now, but it's kind of a constant battle to keep myself from having a panic attack from hell. It's a relief each night just lying down to sleep, because my dreams are usually happy, and I don't feel that constant pressure in my chest from anxiety.

A little bit later my brother had a big accident at work. He's a police officer, and a couple of punk ass fucktards ran over him. Twice. He was okay, but when they got to the doctor and did X-rays they found a mass on his kidney which turned out to be cancer. So in a way the punks really saved his life. They probably had little angel wings under their shirts. xB

He's going to be okay, I hope and pray. I don't know when we're going to get it taken out. Hopefully soon. D:

My fiance got a new car finally, it is really pretty. The bills are getting really tough here and I need to get a job, badly. All this stress coupled with a bad diet has caused my skin to go haywire and break out really bad. I feel so terrible about my complexion I can't even model or take pictures. I'm going to try going off dairy, especially milk. I've heard that sometimes can clear up your skin. If it doesn't work I'm going to get on accutane. Which is really expensive and takes forever to work. And I don't really have the money so I have to get a job.

Which has turned out to be really hard. I almost got hired at Lowes but because my mom works there they couldn't take me. I've tried little places around here, I'm hoping Krogers will come through. There's going to be a job faire next week and I'll get to have an interview.

I'm feeling excited about that, and also about the fact that my brother might take us to Scarbourough Faire in a couple of weeks. It's the best rennaisance faire EVAR. I have a new costume so I'll get lots of pics and cam footage, since my bro also bought a new video recorder. <3

Another thing I'm excited about is a modeling oportunity that has come my way. I'm not sure if it will all go through but I'm going to try to be there and look good for the photographer. Please God let my skin heal up. I bought some new lipstick-gloss stuff that I really love. I haven't gotten all dressed up for a shoot in a long time so I can't wait. <3 My fiance is coming with me and he might do some shots of his own for his personal collection and/or for suicide girls. He takes really good pictures as well but we never have a good set and lighting to work with. xD

Anywhoo, sorry this was so long. I don't think anyone even reads this so oh well.

xoxoxoxo
Oktavia