I am mildly addicted to "So You Think You Can Dance?". I was watching it a couple weeks ago and heard a song that I liked...but kind of went "meh"...and forgot about it. They were doing little recaps tonight and the song came on again and I actually started to catch it. I looked it up and started listening and just started bawling
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Sigh... I have spent lots of time lately reading books and articles about how you separate yourself from the FOG (fear, obligation, and guilt) after your life has been tampered with by mental illness. It sucks. It is REALLY hard. I realized that I am scared of touch lately. I am not sure why. A co-worker, a very nice super-mom type lady put her arm around my shoulder just to give me a little pat on the back and I jumped and jerked away from her. When I realized what I had done, I was so ashamed of myself. I used to be so huggy and affectionate. I used to love any kind of tactile contact with a friend...hugs, holding hands, patting on the back. My sex life is most likely kind of going to suck if I can't stand being touched...(haha...my lame attempt at being funny). Actually, looking back, I was SO uncomfortable when I was getting tattooed last week. Don't get me wrong...my artist and I are pals. We talk. He took me to dinner before he started causing me pain. Haha. But as much as I wanted the tattoo, I just wanted him to stop touching me. Which, well, is really hard for a tattoo artist to do when they are tattooing. This had damn well better go away quickly. I would like to be touched at some point again in my life.
Yes, the new tattoo. On my thigh. Big. I have only shown one person a picture so far. I am waiting for the color before I really show it off. I should be getting that done early next week. It is going to be amazing. Josh drew it all by hand and I was SO pleased with it when I saw it. If you've never had that drawing that you see, and suddenly you just say "this is so perfect for me and it will be amazing looking on me...i love everything about it", you picked the wrong artist.
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Sigh... I have spent lots of time lately reading books and articles about how you separate yourself from the FOG (fear, obligation, and guilt) after your life has been tampered with by mental illness. It sucks. It is REALLY hard. I realized that I am scared of touch lately. I am not sure why. A co-worker, a very nice super-mom type lady put her arm around my shoulder just to give me a little pat on the back and I jumped and jerked away from her. When I realized what I had done, I was so ashamed of myself. I used to be so huggy and affectionate. I used to love any kind of tactile contact with a friend...hugs, holding hands, patting on the back. My sex life is most likely kind of going to suck if I can't stand being touched...(haha...my lame attempt at being funny). Actually, looking back, I was SO uncomfortable when I was getting tattooed last week. Don't get me wrong...my artist and I are pals. We talk. He took me to dinner before he started causing me pain. Haha. But as much as I wanted the tattoo, I just wanted him to stop touching me. Which, well, is really hard for a tattoo artist to do when they are tattooing. This had damn well better go away quickly. I would like to be touched at some point again in my life.
Yes, the new tattoo. On my thigh. Big. I have only shown one person a picture so far. I am waiting for the color before I really show it off. I should be getting that done early next week. It is going to be amazing. Josh drew it all by hand and I was SO pleased with it when I saw it. If you've never had that drawing that you see, and suddenly you just say "this is so perfect for me and it will be amazing looking on me...i love everything about it", you picked the wrong artist.
Hope the no touch feeling isnt affecting woody.Hed be a pretty sad puppy if it did.
Tats rocks.More so when you have no idea what your going to get.