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When we moved into our current house, we had a mouse problem. We were catching two or three a day with those glue traps, which are just fucking awful. Usually, when we found them, they had already died, but on a few occasions, they were still breathing, moving, struggling to escape.

The first one I found like that was just looking up at me, so...
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It has been suggested, in a somewhat taunting manner, that the way to make "friends" is not, in fact, to lament the lack of friends but, instead, to "blog" about something "interesting."

This is a possibility, I'll admit.

However, I have also noticed that those with many friends are often found to use emoticons in their blogs and messages. Being of a scientific mind, I...
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Seven months have passed since I last gave an update on my popularity. I still have 8 "friends." But, none of these "friends" have ever offered to lend me money or help me move a refrigerator. I'm beginning to doubt the sincerity of their friendship. Not that they aren't lovely people. Some of them even have naked pictures of themselves for general perusal. And, yet,...
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Well, it's been over two months since a sudden uptick in my number of friends led me to believe that I was entering a new golden age of fame and fortune. So far, both fame and fortune have failed to materialize. On the upside, I haven't lost any friends, so at least I'm still not back to being the least popular. However, the difference between...
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Well, my meteoric rise in popularity seems to have stalled out. I'm still one person shy of the magical "top eight." I'm considering signing up for a second subscription, under an assumed name, so that I can friend myself. However, I'd still need one more friend so I could have someone to discriminate against.

I am the least popular.

Every once in a while -- a couple times a year or so -- rich people, it seems, get a little worried that the rest of us have forgotten about them. This leads them to do things that basically scream, "hey! Remember us? We're still here! And we're still dicks!"

Which leads me to the fact that some huckster has come out with a $1,000...
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