I remember at Christmas last year, being back at home with my family, thinking about how excited I was for the upcoming year and how it was going to be "my year". I began planning all of the things I wanted to do for the year, whether it was people I wanted to see, things I wanted to do, or places I wanted to go. The beginning of January was magical. We celebrated the new year with close friends, my husband and I celebrated our 3rd anniversary, and we found out a couple days later that I was expecting a child. We were excited, scared, happy, and looking forward to adding a new heartbeat into our family. As the month went by and we went to our first ultrasound at the beginning of February, we thought things were going to continue to be as magical as they were in January.
But we were wrong.
I stared at the ultrasound monitor in disbelief as the doctor was explaining to me and my husband that our baby didn't have a heartbeat. There was no way this was happening to us. AGAIN. Our 3rd miscarriage. I couldn't believe it. I refused to believe it. I zoned out as the doctor was telling me my options. I cried at the doctors office. I cried in the car. I cried for the rest of the evening. But no matter how much I cried or tried to be in denial, I had to come to terms with what had happened. As the world continued to move forward with no idea what had happened to me, I had to try to act normal when my friends asked how I was doing, or I saw another damn pregnancy announcement on Facebook. Life was shit as far as I was concern, so I started to dip back into depression. I hated getting out of bed. I either didn't want to eat at all, or ate everything in site. It was a tough time that I'm still going through, and soon I will be going in for a blood panel to try to figure out what the hell is going on with my body.
When I thought things were going to start getting better, they didn't. After a night of being out with a dear friend I hadn't seen in a while, I drove home to get some sleep. In my tired driving, I realized a little too late that I was speeding in a construction zone. I thought I was going to get a speeding ticket and that would be the end of it. Wrong again. Instead, I called my husband 2 hours later to inform him that I had just received my first DUI. Now, if you knew me, you would know I don't get behind the wheel if I even THINK I'm drunk. So, this entire ordeal hasn't made sense to me. I was shocked, and I still am. I was so looking forward to beginning to turn the shitty start of the year around, and now here I wait for my impending court date. I never thought in my life I would be in this position. But, here I am, and here I wait.
Now, even though it seems like the world is against me, I still have some optimism as I look into the month of March. Maybe it's because it's my birthday month, or just because it's a new month. Whatever the reason, I still have hope that it can turn out to be a great month, and hopefully turn into an even better rest of the year. I am surrounding myself with nothing but the best people I can to motivate me to be strong and stand by my side. I am going to work my ass off to build my Perfectly Posh business and create my empire. I'm going to start treating my body better and hopefully lose some weight while gaining back the self confidence I worked so hard to achieve. Oh, and did I mention we adopted a puppy? He basically has my heart.
I'm excited to move forward with my life. I'm excited to be the best person I can be. I'm excited to start working towards someone that my family, my friends, my husband and myself can be proud of. It's going to be a tough journey, but I can't wait to see where it takes me. Hopefully it'll be putting me in front of a camera very soon! ;)
Thank you for reading this, and for all your never ending support, you will never know how much I appreciate you!
Xoxo, Odyssey♥
