The Rant
I did warn you.
Two more days of an employee's shit left to put up with. I've never had the experience of being around someone who, by their very presence, cripples my soul. But Christ Almighty does this girl radiate negativity. She finally put in her two weeks notice about two weeks ago. Of course the big boss is out of town and left it to me. And of course this girl hates me with a passion. Problem is, I've lived longer, know more, have done her job longer, and generally have a better idea of what the fuck I'm doing. That's why I have authority over her.
It's ridiculous, absolutely ridiculous. It's infuriating to know exactly how, when, where and why she's wrong. It's infuriating because I can't say a goddamn thing. Not that I can't physically or because I'm not allowed to. No, I can't say anything because I'd have better luck talking to a brick wall. She simply won't listen. This isn't a knock against people in their late teens/early twenties, but my granddad always did say the smartest years of your life are between 18 and 21. She's smack in the middle, stubborn and seemingly incapable of self-examination.
I've talked down brick walls before. It is possible. Even so, there's simply no way of using words to get through to her. I have to let time and experience do their jobs. There's the rub though, I don't know if she'll ever get it. All the experience in the world doesn't matter for shit if you never look back on it, never examine it, never question yourself and your opinions. The lack of self-awareness is shocking. I'm desperately trying to come to grips with it. This ignorance, sheer ignorance, makes me want to go all stabby stabby on her. How does someone live like this? How can someone live in such deep ignorance? Sure, I'm ignorant of a great many things and still have plenty to learn. But I know my ignorance. But how do you get away with living in at a level of ignorance that makes me look like a fucking genius?
This is what I've had to deal with for the last year of her employment. Stupid fucking ignorance and an unwillingness to even countenance the possibility of such ignorance. It's like someone who says they aren't sexist or racist yet makes sexist or racist comments. It's not because they actually are bigoted. It's because they're too unaware to know better. When given the choice between stupidity and blatant disregard of reality go with stupidity. What's worse is when such stupidity comes from someone who is perfectly capable of learning otherwise.
I don't expect many to know what I do. My mind is my own and it's a fucked up fuzz ball of crazy. I do expect someone with a brain to damn well use it. When I witness a brain like that shut down I don't want to throw a chair across the room. I want to chuck the whole bloody room. That's what this girl has done. She steps in and a black cloud comes with her. Jesus Christ, I know I'm cynical and jaded. I know how grumpy I get, how terse or demanding I can come across as. But I don't make everyone around me miserable just because I'm having an off morning or day, week, year. For fuck's sake, usually when I get like that I pull back into my comfy little shell of anger and knives. I'm an anti-social fuck because I'm pretty goddamn pissed off a lot.
It gives me a headache. I want to pound some hundred books into her head and see her handle that. I want to make her watch a dear friend pump death into their own veins. I want to slice open her heart and take a shit in it, just so she knows how it feels. And then I want her to get up the next day and go to work, because that's what you do.
I'm not looking for a cookie just because I've been through all of that. It's life. And I'm fucking well going to live it. I'm not special for that. She, however, thinks she is special, entitled, better by virtue of her existence. She wants easy money when real money, lasting money, money worth having, takes a lot of work. That's how it works. That's the long and short of it. Nothing earth-shattering in that statement. But for her it is. So she won't accept it.
Fuck me I'm going to lie down for a while.
I did warn you.
Two more days of an employee's shit left to put up with. I've never had the experience of being around someone who, by their very presence, cripples my soul. But Christ Almighty does this girl radiate negativity. She finally put in her two weeks notice about two weeks ago. Of course the big boss is out of town and left it to me. And of course this girl hates me with a passion. Problem is, I've lived longer, know more, have done her job longer, and generally have a better idea of what the fuck I'm doing. That's why I have authority over her.
It's ridiculous, absolutely ridiculous. It's infuriating to know exactly how, when, where and why she's wrong. It's infuriating because I can't say a goddamn thing. Not that I can't physically or because I'm not allowed to. No, I can't say anything because I'd have better luck talking to a brick wall. She simply won't listen. This isn't a knock against people in their late teens/early twenties, but my granddad always did say the smartest years of your life are between 18 and 21. She's smack in the middle, stubborn and seemingly incapable of self-examination.
I've talked down brick walls before. It is possible. Even so, there's simply no way of using words to get through to her. I have to let time and experience do their jobs. There's the rub though, I don't know if she'll ever get it. All the experience in the world doesn't matter for shit if you never look back on it, never examine it, never question yourself and your opinions. The lack of self-awareness is shocking. I'm desperately trying to come to grips with it. This ignorance, sheer ignorance, makes me want to go all stabby stabby on her. How does someone live like this? How can someone live in such deep ignorance? Sure, I'm ignorant of a great many things and still have plenty to learn. But I know my ignorance. But how do you get away with living in at a level of ignorance that makes me look like a fucking genius?
This is what I've had to deal with for the last year of her employment. Stupid fucking ignorance and an unwillingness to even countenance the possibility of such ignorance. It's like someone who says they aren't sexist or racist yet makes sexist or racist comments. It's not because they actually are bigoted. It's because they're too unaware to know better. When given the choice between stupidity and blatant disregard of reality go with stupidity. What's worse is when such stupidity comes from someone who is perfectly capable of learning otherwise.
I don't expect many to know what I do. My mind is my own and it's a fucked up fuzz ball of crazy. I do expect someone with a brain to damn well use it. When I witness a brain like that shut down I don't want to throw a chair across the room. I want to chuck the whole bloody room. That's what this girl has done. She steps in and a black cloud comes with her. Jesus Christ, I know I'm cynical and jaded. I know how grumpy I get, how terse or demanding I can come across as. But I don't make everyone around me miserable just because I'm having an off morning or day, week, year. For fuck's sake, usually when I get like that I pull back into my comfy little shell of anger and knives. I'm an anti-social fuck because I'm pretty goddamn pissed off a lot.
It gives me a headache. I want to pound some hundred books into her head and see her handle that. I want to make her watch a dear friend pump death into their own veins. I want to slice open her heart and take a shit in it, just so she knows how it feels. And then I want her to get up the next day and go to work, because that's what you do.
I'm not looking for a cookie just because I've been through all of that. It's life. And I'm fucking well going to live it. I'm not special for that. She, however, thinks she is special, entitled, better by virtue of her existence. She wants easy money when real money, lasting money, money worth having, takes a lot of work. That's how it works. That's the long and short of it. Nothing earth-shattering in that statement. But for her it is. So she won't accept it.
Fuck me I'm going to lie down for a while.