obliviousfocus

Saving this as I go along cause its long.

Yes it has been a long time since I related to you in prose form my adventures. Dan and I have been keeping it quiet since the incident with the snipe (which shall be recorded later for posterity.). But I must purge myself of recent turn of events. I was privy to a most insidious plot. A great amalgamation of deviltry. A complex and convoluted journey into the madness known as SGKY. For those of you unaffliated with this particular organization let me just say that it houses a rough necked crew of angels and degenerates(mostly with me being the degenerate). At a simple request I was brought full force into their world known as Poison's Pool Party *key the cheesy dun dun dun music*. Before you stroll down this path with me first take into acount this simple rule. There is truth and there is fiction. Sometimes truth is stranger than fiction, and sometimes fiction is just fucking funny. So bear that in mind that not all said here is true or that it might be an embellishment. The wine is speaking into the cockles of my soul and demands with serious impetuousness that I write out my confession of this ordeal. So without further adieu I welcome you into the fold.

Friday. June 3rd. Time is 5:07pm. These are the voyages of oblivion and ... *smacks annoucer*. Sorry about that continue on.

I decided to go to Poison's pool party this friday. I hooked up with nikonphoto80,derelict,and throwabomb. I am getting ahead of myself though so we shall backtrack. I met nikon at eku parking lot so we could have a mutual cohabition of vehicles to derelicts house. It was quiet, and not particularly ominious, but friends that is where we are often mislead. With song in our hearts and visions of merriment in our head we set forth on our journey.

Let me step aside for a moment and give thanks to the holy thing known as map quest. For those that have not come upon this ingenious little invention let me clue you in to is wonderful properties. No longer must you toil in the days of turn right at the one legged peruvian midget with halitosis. Nor must you fall prey to the evils of the white house. There are a lot of white houses out there my friends. Map quest tells you how to get to wherever you want to go. Its like visa; everywhere you want to be except it tell you where you are. The only time that you might get lost is when it tells you to follow the roundabout straight through until you reach the supposed location of the punk concert. WTF is a roundabout I ask you. I think its like a walk about except you have a gimp leg and go in circles. But I digress. I digress.

We used directions given to us by derelict to find our way to her humble abode. Now if you have ever driven through parts of Kentucky the drive itself is the experience not the actual destination. Adult bookstores right next to churches whom I believe have created their own little war. Perhaps you'll see the occasional small plastic environments that house CHICKENS OF DEATH littered in some remote country location. But I'm speaking of things which I didn't see. I just thougth I would give some dramatic development. The ride was particularly smooth except for the feeling we were lost at some point. Our only frame of reference was The Coon Club(draw your own conclusions.). We eventually arrived at Miss Derelicts place a tad bit late but without any particular damages.

Nikon and I entered her domicle unprepared for what awaited us. There she stood, red headed and a devils smile. Oh she played well the part of angel but I was not fooled. The cross I held in my hand for luck burned with a deep fire. I tried to play it cool like I couldn't sense some underlying evil. I made jokes. I did my little dances. I think I had them fooled into believe they had fooled me but oh dear readers I could tell what was going on in this reality. She was running late( no doubt held up by the last poor soul she had devoured.) and required that we have some patience. I wandered about the room slowly yet methodically. I was checking for evidence of demonic possession. I never did find any but I won't let that throw me off the trail. She kept us beyond what time we had alloted by being coy and doing her hair. Her performance was immaculate and I think deserves an oscar. If I had known. If I had known.

With her stuff packed we hopped into the car. Not just a car, but the car. The car my legs would meld with and become an amalgamation of man and machine. The car that I think possessed its own Christine. It was a precise instrument of death. And it was yellow. Once again we followed the direction formulated by mad men. A hill. A yellow house. A white house. My god the colors. We had to pick up throwabomb and we were losing time. It was now 7 and we were supposed to have already captured her for the trip.
We found her running out from her house as we pulled into the driveway. Wasting no time on trivialties we strapped in and burned rubber. Time was fleeting and we had to get our drink on. You know how it is with these types of ordeals. If you arrive too late then you miss the main event. Our mission was clear and it was to make it to the pool. If we made it to late then all would be lost.

I shall not bother you with the trivialties of the trip to our destination henceforth. Needless to say we arrived at the auspicious time of 10:15. We had made it and we were not too late. There were just one problem. No one answered the door. This was a ritzy neighbor hood. If yours truly walked into the wrong house he might have been mistaken for a terrorist and shot on site. I was not too keen on this idea so I did what was necessary. Send the women in first!!!! But I worried for nothing. We were where we needed to be at last.

I was wary at first of everyone at this particular party. I knew them not and they could be serial killers in disguise. Playing it safe I acted insane. I did the normal chit chat and talked about Rabies. It is the new in thing. All the kids are doing it. I met our lovely host Poison. Sweet girl. Really. You wouldn't think of her being on this site if you met her in person. But I guess that is the assumptions of a madman. I continued the chit chat avoiding the pool. I felt that there in lied my destiny but I was not sure of what that would entail. Eventually I sucked in my breath and braved it into the outside.

The first soul that I met was the lovely Melly. Dearest Melly had had quite bit before I showed up so she was waxing philosophical. Sensing a kindred soul I sat down and proceeded to talk. Our conversation turned to Star Wars. Now for those of you who are uninformed, Melly is a Star War afficiendo. She knows and and is all when it comes to Star Wars. I spoke of ewen mcgreggor and how he was Obi Wan and the quintessential jedi. We got along marvelously. It was quite a joyous conversation until I made a fatal error. Melly tried to sway my opinion in a particular category with her Jedi Mind trick. I laughed.

"You are not a Jedi." I replied laughing.

"I am so." she answered her tone changing.

"Jedi's aren't real." I retorted back.

"I am a Jedi!!!" she spoke back in a louder voice.

Now friends. A smart man knows when to just give it up and let the wookie win. But I never claimed to be a smart man. I had to be right. I must be right and so with this thought I pressed onward.

"Jedi's are fantasy Melly." I slurred to her half drunk.

"I am a Jedi bitch!!!" Melly reached back and cold cocked me square in the nose.

Falling over to the ground I saw her particular point of view to be in fact truth, but she had not made her point. Reaching over to the side she pulled out some object that sprang to life and had a bright green glow.

"I'll show you Jedi" she screamed as she reared up and held the light saber above my head.

Now friends. I am like any other man. Faced in the odd of what is truly the impossible. Most men have one of two reactions. They tend to fight back with their every breath. They shall not give in to the fear. They are manly men. I chose the other option. I screamed like a little bitch and ran. In circle as a matter of fact. All around the pool. I ran and ran avoiding her weapon of death. Eventually she grew tired of the game and walked across the water to my location. No one told me Jedis could walk on water. I missed the memo. I was trapped. I was dead. I had no escape. I was prepared to meet a very disturbing end.

"Look ewoks." I heard someone say.

Melly turned to pet these fuzzy and loveable creatures. I ran to the side into the safety of the house. This is where I met Pyrate, and Valkyrie. They seemed like a nice couple though I was slightly disappointed. He wasn't wearing an eyepatch and she didn't talk of taking my soul to Valhalla. Needless to say I took no chances. I held on to my wallet and didn't commit myself to any battles that would end up in my death. You can never be too careful in these times.

Poison had disappeared at this point. I didn't know where the hostess had run off. Someone told me that a white rabbit had showed up and claimed about being late for a very important date. Then he brought along his friend with this HUGE hat who was quite mad. They said that they needed Poison to come through the looking glass with them. She obviously denied and hid from the odd pair.

Speaking briefly I went back outiside hoping Melly had come off of her Jedi tangent so that I didn't have to fear for my life. I snuck into the hot tub and tried to relax for a bit. My relaxation was not to last for long though. Several of the girls slipped into the pool and started chatting.

"No dick in the pool was all i heard."

I knew not to argue this point and slipped out quietly. What came next was something out of a dionysian orgy. Several girls were playing find the article of clothing in the hot tub. A brief interruption occured when someoen threw Poison's bikini top out of the pool.

"It's okay I've already seen you naked." I said as I handed her the top back.

The better part of valor told me to leave the young ladies to their folly and retreat inside. I had already consumed much wine and was well on my way to a new reality. It was at this point that Derelict showed her true colors. I did not know she was a master of savate(for the uninformed this is a french version of kick boxing). She and I got into a minor scuffle over her not dominating my thought processes. At this point she kicked the cigarette out of my mouth in a way that was almost erotic. Her feet were alive and a fury of toes and smacks to my forehead. It ended with her having me pressed against a door agreeing to everything she said including me having killed jimmy hoffa. She eventually let me go and I ran for the safety of the outside.

Now I have ignored one person in this entry. That would be the CHICKEN MAN, nikonphoto80. He had many disciples waiting in the wings for his miraculous talents. When the grill was lit and the chicken offered in sacrifice many ooos and ahhhss were given. Like some sadistic sexual frenzy of chicken and fire they gathered around his grill. There was much chicken to be had.

Now dear readers at this point your narrator was very tired. He had been beaten, scuffled, and abused. I decided that in the interests of self preservation it was best for me to retire to the down stairs. And it was good. I became one with Somnus god of sleep and the days events faded like a bad manicure.

All in all. It was a kick ass party. I enjoyed meeting everyone that I did. I appologize to anyone i might have givent he impression i was crazy too. To griffith I am still trying to figure out why I looked at your penis. To Poison. Thank you for putting up with us all. To everyone else. You rule.
*bows out*