nysa

I don't get your games. I come back here and I try to be civil and participate in a positive way at first, but then it begins all over again. Nasty comments, veiled parodies, trivial criticisms, and very in depth judgments on parts of my life that I have never posted on any of my blogs. I've only written about these things in my personal computer, yet somehow it's spoken of as if I exposed it out of a need to be dramatic. I didn't ask anyone to come in and read stuff on my computer, or talk to my ex and then trash me for it. So I respond with anger and attack back, because I never brought it to the public table and I am being attacked and burned at the stake for the same things many of you here do yourselves. The whole fucked up human race does. If anyone of you would just answer me why you're doing this?

Obviously there's the issue of how to?

I am not the same person I was 5 years ago. I was a fucking crazy drug addict and I made a alot of mistakes and didn't really know what was going on. Fear and delusion being expressed in anger.
So, do I apologize for being fucked up? Yet at the same time this same shit was going on then? Why?

Yeah, I'm socially retarded. I'm trying and I'm not leaving to go hide, but I can't sit idly by and take it for reasons I don't understand, by people I do not know and should not know the things they talk about and judge.

Fuck it. You don't have to like me. I'm not going to be a cunt just to be one, but I'm not going to sit around reading all this crap and not respond. Obviously, it makes me angry and then I go into my own judgmental tirades, trying to point out that neither one is perfect.

Each time I come to the table and try to explain myself. No matter how I try to approach this I'm the fuck head. No! And I'm done explaining. I am how I am and I've done the things I've done and how you know them is just there. The details of my last relationship and whose to blame and la dee. What the fuck? How is that the whole fucking sites business, how is my getting a throat infection and being sick for a month a topic to ridicule. Every fucking thing I say or do is judged as though its done with some false attention seeking drama manipulative shit. Fuck me, how many times do I admit to fucking up, but I just try to talk about whatever is going on in my life at the time. Being fucked up sick was one it sucked, it fucked up my classes and will affect my grades at school. So it just sucked.

I don't even know what to say. Honesty is obviously only going to earn me more threads tearing apart the latest revelations. How can I even want to or try to be friendly to a whole site of people I don't know, who know too much about me and them shits on me. You expect me to not get mad? You've never meet me. I'm not going to go running away in fear or shame. I'm who I am and I'm not always right and sometimes I'm a bitch, sometimes I exaggerate, pretend, lie, crave attention, misunderstand, misspell, and a whole lot of other shit. Fuck it and fuck you all for thinking you know me. Fuck you for expecting me to be ok with it, to not respond. Fuck you for putting my private life and personal habits down to biting my lip up before the holy fucking court of fucking strippers who also admit to being attention whores. Fucking judge away. I'm not going to beg for your fucking understanding or friendship or apologize in a situation so fucking skewed and unfair that it isn't even funny.

This is me, and I'm all those things and a bunch of other shit too and fuck it, I can accept it love it, and if you don't I'm so sorry. I've never even meet you or do anything to you other than be me and if that pisses you all off so fucking much that you have to put me on trial every day then I guess that's what you got to do.

I don't need you to like me, accept me, or love me. I just don't understand how all this got up before the court and how that's fair. How I'm such a fucking cunt whore for posting some pics and liking that someone liked them. Or for posting what I did that day, which is what you do on a blog? Why all this shit? Fucking drama what the fuck did I do to you people? I hardly fucking post anything or get involved because just reading threads on the boards I get shit.

No.