MY SCARS
Okay, so anyone who has seen my sets can see that I have a lot of self-inflicted scarring. With the most recent set going live I have been getting a lot of messages asking about my scars. To save myself the task of answering the same questions over and over I'll just refer prople to this blog.
-Hope this answers your questions and concerns
First off, I'll start by saying this; I am not, by any means proud of my scars, but at the same time I am not ashamed of them either.
I was I guess what most people would refer to as a "cutter" for 8 years, starting when I was 12. I've delt with Obsessive Compulsive Behavior since a young age and I felt a lot of misguided frustration because of it. I would get very upset and stressed and both mentally and physically tense when things would not be or happen in a certain pattern or "just so" way. I found cutting to be something I could "control". It was a way of making pattern and structure for me where it couldn't be helped around me. I felt a sense of control and comfort cutting in threes when I couldn't handle what I felt was chaotic. It was an outlet. It was not a productive or logical outlet, but it was the one I found.
I spent a lot of time from my adolesence to my late teens seeing therapists, trying medications and figuring myself out. Having OCD usually leads to several other "disorders" such as anxiety, depression and eating disorders (for need of pattern and control); all of which I had my battles with. I was admitted to long-term hospital care on several occasions. The last time I was admitted was last January around first-term exams. I was cutting heavily for the first time in months and I needed a change of meds and to take a rest.
I am happy to say that I have not cut even ONCE since last January; making it the longest amount of time I've gone without self-harm in 8 years. I feel like I have finally moved past that part of my life and that I have a much better sense of self-control and understanding. I am happy and content and have a more developed sense of self-awareness. I have decided that if I hit a one-year mark I am going to do something special. I don't know what yet, maybe a small get together with close friends and family, or maybe I'll treat myself to a new tattoo; something to reward myself because I'll be very happy if I can hit that mark
Anywho, I'm not writing this for pitty or sympathy, or as a "woe is me" kinda thing; I just wanted to answer some of your questions with one shot. My scars are not there because I think they are beautiful or artistic, but they are also in no way meant to offend. They're a part of my past and a part of me. I don't love them, but I don't hate them. Others have the right to their own opinions, but this is my story.
Hope this answers everyone's questions; thanks for your suppot <3
xoxoxo
Okay, so anyone who has seen my sets can see that I have a lot of self-inflicted scarring. With the most recent set going live I have been getting a lot of messages asking about my scars. To save myself the task of answering the same questions over and over I'll just refer prople to this blog.
-Hope this answers your questions and concerns
First off, I'll start by saying this; I am not, by any means proud of my scars, but at the same time I am not ashamed of them either.
I was I guess what most people would refer to as a "cutter" for 8 years, starting when I was 12. I've delt with Obsessive Compulsive Behavior since a young age and I felt a lot of misguided frustration because of it. I would get very upset and stressed and both mentally and physically tense when things would not be or happen in a certain pattern or "just so" way. I found cutting to be something I could "control". It was a way of making pattern and structure for me where it couldn't be helped around me. I felt a sense of control and comfort cutting in threes when I couldn't handle what I felt was chaotic. It was an outlet. It was not a productive or logical outlet, but it was the one I found.
I spent a lot of time from my adolesence to my late teens seeing therapists, trying medications and figuring myself out. Having OCD usually leads to several other "disorders" such as anxiety, depression and eating disorders (for need of pattern and control); all of which I had my battles with. I was admitted to long-term hospital care on several occasions. The last time I was admitted was last January around first-term exams. I was cutting heavily for the first time in months and I needed a change of meds and to take a rest.
I am happy to say that I have not cut even ONCE since last January; making it the longest amount of time I've gone without self-harm in 8 years. I feel like I have finally moved past that part of my life and that I have a much better sense of self-control and understanding. I am happy and content and have a more developed sense of self-awareness. I have decided that if I hit a one-year mark I am going to do something special. I don't know what yet, maybe a small get together with close friends and family, or maybe I'll treat myself to a new tattoo; something to reward myself because I'll be very happy if I can hit that mark
Anywho, I'm not writing this for pitty or sympathy, or as a "woe is me" kinda thing; I just wanted to answer some of your questions with one shot. My scars are not there because I think they are beautiful or artistic, but they are also in no way meant to offend. They're a part of my past and a part of me. I don't love them, but I don't hate them. Others have the right to their own opinions, but this is my story.
Hope this answers everyone's questions; thanks for your suppot <3
xoxoxo
VIEW 25 of 48 COMMENTS
mcgnat:
This store is very familiar ... it is me with a few different angles. I commend you for your honesty about your scars and willingness to share your story!
freebird999:
with scares, tattoos, piercing ..you are and always will be one of the most beautiful SG ever...