nyghtwish

Argh. I could not be more done with that boy. I honestly don't even want to talk to him anymore. Somehow, I always end up looking desperate or like a dumbass when we're talking. Since we broke up, we've still been sleeping together. It was okay for a while. Then I decided I didn't want to anymore (this was the week before Halloween). Well he somehow convinced me to keep it up, probably because I knew that it would most likely happen anyway and I didn't want to be mad at myself after it did happen. So we continued for two more weeks.

Then last night we're working together and I asked him to come over after work, because for once, I actually want to do it. And he's like, "No, I don't think it's a good idea." What the fucking hell??? We can fuck as long as he wants to but when I want it, it's a bad idea?? I can't even tell you the times I just resigned to sleeping with him because he wanted it. That's such a fucking cruel thing to do. So now I look like the one that can't let go.

Fuck him. Fuck him to hell.

*Edit* Well we just had a huge fight and things are officially over. The relationship, the sex, the friendship. It feels like shit right now, honestly. But I know this is how it has to be. I was more miserable being with him. So why can't I stop crying?