I feel rather ugly right now.
I've lost somewhere in the ball park of 30 pounds since the end of December and I know I'm starting to feel better and I notice that I'm looking thinner, but no one else notices unless I make it clear to them that I'm working on it. Even my best friend, who I hadn't seen since very early January (read January 2), didn't say anything or seem to notice I've lost weight. I know I have, the scale keeps going down and I'm at least a size smaller than I was in all my clothes, but I want to hear it, to have it recognized. My internal motivation steers wildly off course when I think what I'm doing is without results.
John, whether or not he meant to, has said some things recently that came out *very* badly and has shoved his foot deeper into his proverbial mouth a time or two too many in the last week. On top of that, it seems the only times he calls me "sexy" or anything positive in regards to my appearance he is half kidding or joking around. He used to tell me I was cute or looked nice far more often than this. I still tell him when he looks cute or looks nice all dressed up but he seems to always only manage to mumble a "I don't know. I'm a guy and not metro," response. It's getting to me. He said one of the things that got to him about his ex before me was that she had to seek out validation of her attractiveness to men with guys besides him, as if she wasn't happy with just his attention. I'm starting to think I might get why she was like that (to an extent because, let's be honest, I like and have hung out with her a number of times, but she is rather vain and needing of the lime light.) because I'm starting to feel like I need to do it. I don't want to, trust me on that, because I know that it can only lead to accusations of cheating or guys thinking I'm leading them on, but a part of me really craves to know that I look good (at least sometimes) and hear it from people other than close friends or family, people who might be attracted to me.
Is this wrong of me, this craving some kind of validation in my appearance? Is it wrong of me to be really upset in this moment by any and all of this?
I honestly don't know.
I've lost somewhere in the ball park of 30 pounds since the end of December and I know I'm starting to feel better and I notice that I'm looking thinner, but no one else notices unless I make it clear to them that I'm working on it. Even my best friend, who I hadn't seen since very early January (read January 2), didn't say anything or seem to notice I've lost weight. I know I have, the scale keeps going down and I'm at least a size smaller than I was in all my clothes, but I want to hear it, to have it recognized. My internal motivation steers wildly off course when I think what I'm doing is without results.
John, whether or not he meant to, has said some things recently that came out *very* badly and has shoved his foot deeper into his proverbial mouth a time or two too many in the last week. On top of that, it seems the only times he calls me "sexy" or anything positive in regards to my appearance he is half kidding or joking around. He used to tell me I was cute or looked nice far more often than this. I still tell him when he looks cute or looks nice all dressed up but he seems to always only manage to mumble a "I don't know. I'm a guy and not metro," response. It's getting to me. He said one of the things that got to him about his ex before me was that she had to seek out validation of her attractiveness to men with guys besides him, as if she wasn't happy with just his attention. I'm starting to think I might get why she was like that (to an extent because, let's be honest, I like and have hung out with her a number of times, but she is rather vain and needing of the lime light.) because I'm starting to feel like I need to do it. I don't want to, trust me on that, because I know that it can only lead to accusations of cheating or guys thinking I'm leading them on, but a part of me really craves to know that I look good (at least sometimes) and hear it from people other than close friends or family, people who might be attracted to me.
Is this wrong of me, this craving some kind of validation in my appearance? Is it wrong of me to be really upset in this moment by any and all of this?
I honestly don't know.
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But I think us men can be quite ignorant when it comes to supporting our partners. My wife suffers from depression and, as she nears her 50th birthday, feels even more the need for reassuring words. And it doesn't take much to be honest. Just the odd 'Wow, you look nice tonight', or something. I try to be honestly critical too. Not just blanket compliments, but saying when an outfit doesn't work, or participating in the clothes shopping, rather than sitting looking glum in a corner, or buggering off to the music store.
But part of sharing our life with another person is supporting them (even though at other times we might have some real humdinger rows, we're still a team). Frankly, if your parnter can't be arsed to pay the odd compliment now and then, I'd withdraw my attentions from him, and start lavishing them elsewhere!
But then I am quite metro!
Well done on losing the weight by the way! I know how hard it is. Keep it up.
Though, usually, by the time we do, our girls are more interested in validation from other women than they are from their man!