I feel as though I have been straight out for the last seven days. This is good and bad. Good because being busy and always on the go is always good for a small amount of time, however, I don't know how people who live their lives this way do it. As a result the bad is that it throws my whole life out of wack. I have realized that I am the kinda person who needs all their ducks in a row before they accomplish anything. For someone as unorganized and sloppy as me you can see why I never accomplish anything. So now that I have taken care of there being something really wrong with my computer, I am ready to get back to regular pursuits. Here is how the last seven days of my life have been. Fair warning, this whole entry is going to be a long one.
Wednesday August 18th
I got up early in the morning to go into Boston and meet my friend Sean. I wrote something on the way up on the commuter rail. This is the rough draft:
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
August 18th 10:39am
Framingham/Worcester Line
Inbound
Anti American Dreamers
They came from broken homes
And busted out milltowns
Delusions of grandeur in their eyes
Hearts filled with the anti American dream
Some wrote soaring melodies
That lyrically crawled under the skin
Others put paint to canvas
Jarring free lost emotions
Locked away long ago
Still more could catch an image on film
Capturing everything you have ever hoped and dreamed
But grandeur was not to be
Their vision had no place
In this world of American dreamers
Some would trade their dreams
For pursuits more traditional
Others would never give up
Spending a lifetime trying to change their environment
All to make their dream that much more accesable
Still more would see people living the dream elsewhere
And make that their destination
This story has no ending
And will continue through the years
As long as the American dream is mass marketed
There will always be a small few
Who have seen the sadness and desperation in America
And yearn for something else
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I think Sean and I had a miscommunication where I thought he was going to bang out of work early and meet me and he thought he was meeting me after work. We will get together soon. However I don't know how soon it will be. I don't know how soon I will be entering Boston city limits, without very specific reasons and plans again. I wrote about it:
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
August 18th 2:02pm
North Station
Boston MA
OUR FREEDOM IS DEAD
I capitalized this. I did so because this is very important. I have been in Boston for two hours so far and I am getting the hell out. We are not truly free here. Sure, the majority are. However the establishment imprisoned the minds of the majority long ago. Fear has built bars around the American public and when you realize there is nothing to be afraid of you better believe there will be some sort of official to tell you that you should be.
This how we are controlled. We are controlled by fear. We ARE a terrorist state. Ask yourself about everything in your life you have ever wanted. Whether it is considered practical or not. What warnings have you recieved from figures in advisement roles, parents, teachers, lawyers, doctors, accountants. Their warnings don't mean shit. There is nothing you can do that you can't get yourself out of as long as you don't hurt someone else. THERE IS NOTHING TO BE AFRAID OF! We are free to pursue the American Dream. That is for sure. Are we free to not pursue the American Dream? Are we psychologically free to not pursue the American Dream? The world has to stop seeing constraints as only physically and realize that the brain makes you act and if your mind is imprisoned then YOU CAN'T MOVE. Americans exist in a mental prison of fear run by the American public themselves. If you try to break out Americans will try to bring you back in by placing as much mental anguish on you as possible. When you learn to recognize this only then are you truly free. However in a city as large as Boston authority at every turn the mental prison actually becomes a physical one. Where a simple look at something inspirational is not allowed.
I was told four times in these two hours that I could not do something. Two of which just involved me getting a small glimpse of something in this city made by man that is beautiful. No, no, sir. Go back to where the colors are dark and the edges are hard and everything is unclean. Do you realize what years and years of looking at greys and blacks and rough edges and general drabness does to someone's psyche? It is very oppressive!
I am going to Rockport. America has yet to make that ugly.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So off to Rockport I went. What a treasure Rockport Massachusetts is. The only indication of corporate handiwork I found was the Dunkin Donuts when you got off the train. Other than that just amazing. I wonder how long it will last before Walmart comes in.
Thursday August 19th
I took the train back on Wednesday and got off in Westboro and napped in the truck until dispatch time. I did my route and got back to the 'boro and took the train home. I have been doing alot of walking. I really really like it. Damn good excersise and it leaves me feeling outstanding. I got home checked my email and found one from Dawn saying I could ride up to the camping with her and her brother. This was good news. A camping trip had been in the works for a few months and it set for the 20th-22nd and as of the 19th I didn't know if I had a ride. So now I had about 24 hours to prepare. I promptly went to bed. I would be needing the rest.
Friday August 20th
I had a really stress free day in Connecticutt and got home to find out I would be leaving at 5:30. I had already done most of my running around before I got home so that just left two hours to do all my laundry and packing. I find out there are tornado warnings. What am I getting myself into I thought.
Dawn's brother is none other then one of the two people from AM Gold night that I didn't know. It was good to meet him and get to know him on the ride up. We actually listened to the 1st set and discussed it on the way up. Good stuff.
We get to the site to find everyone scurrying about trying to get everything set up. It is very apparent that it is going to rain and a screen house is being set up for some common area shelter.
A good thing because it poured. Charlene and Dawn's friend Brie was kind enough to let me sleep in her tent. It leaked. I slept in a cold wet tent in nothing but my cold wet underwear while my cold wet clothes lay bundled up in the corner. Let's hope Saturday would be better.
Saturday August 21st
I woke up at who knows what time to find that Duncan and Roger had already gone to town and gotten some firewood. Can I just say that Mr. Henry has entered into my top five cutest dogs. I was asked who I thought was cuter, Mr. Henry or Podunk. What an awful question. They are both adorable as hell. It rained on and off but I was able to take a quick hike around the campground. I stumbled upon an emu farm at one point, chilled with the emus, got treated rudely by the campground director and went back. Just after I got back it downpoured again stayed that way until maybe 5:00. We all went down to the shore to watch the sun set over the river and that was fun. And then we went back and sat around the fire and talked and sang songs and drank and laughed. More good times.
Sunday 22nd
After a delicious breakfast of pancakes, eggs and kielbasa we spent a good deal of time playing bocci. Holy shit is bocci a good time. I think there may be some in my future this weekend also. After bocci we spent the entire rest of the day lounging in the water at Barton's Cove. What a nice time. I feel old saying that but that is exactly what it was. A nice time. A got to spend alot of out of the bar time with a bunch of people I like and that was great. I packed up and left with Duncan and Jess around 6:00 and after a brief stop in Fitchburg returned home around 8:30 did some shit, unpacked, watched Da Ali G Show and then went to work.
Monday August 23rd
Worked. Came home and slept. Got up went back to work. So it goes. Those are my Monday's and Thursdays. GSMS practice is going to fucking kill me.
Tuesday August 24th
Worked came home and lounged around my dirty apartment. Everything is a mess. My newly discovered OCD would need to get everything straightened out and all my stuff I was behind in caught up before I could begin moving forward again. That would wait until Wednesday because my computer was severely fucked and above all else I need to write.
Wednesday August 25th
So here I am. I got my computer straightened out, got my backlog of writing in and posted all of this. I am semi caught up. Time to clean up my surroundings so Ican think straight. I am reading Mall by Eric Bogosian right now and that is calling me, however I have found that reading is ten times better after you have all your duck's in a row. Everything is better when you have all your ducks in a row. When you can concentrate fully on pleasurable activities without having other tasks hanging over your head. I am glad I have figured this out after almost 32 years on this planet. Horray for delaying your gratification!
Wednesday August 18th
I got up early in the morning to go into Boston and meet my friend Sean. I wrote something on the way up on the commuter rail. This is the rough draft:
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
August 18th 10:39am
Framingham/Worcester Line
Inbound
Anti American Dreamers
They came from broken homes
And busted out milltowns
Delusions of grandeur in their eyes
Hearts filled with the anti American dream
Some wrote soaring melodies
That lyrically crawled under the skin
Others put paint to canvas
Jarring free lost emotions
Locked away long ago
Still more could catch an image on film
Capturing everything you have ever hoped and dreamed
But grandeur was not to be
Their vision had no place
In this world of American dreamers
Some would trade their dreams
For pursuits more traditional
Others would never give up
Spending a lifetime trying to change their environment
All to make their dream that much more accesable
Still more would see people living the dream elsewhere
And make that their destination
This story has no ending
And will continue through the years
As long as the American dream is mass marketed
There will always be a small few
Who have seen the sadness and desperation in America
And yearn for something else
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I think Sean and I had a miscommunication where I thought he was going to bang out of work early and meet me and he thought he was meeting me after work. We will get together soon. However I don't know how soon it will be. I don't know how soon I will be entering Boston city limits, without very specific reasons and plans again. I wrote about it:
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
August 18th 2:02pm
North Station
Boston MA
OUR FREEDOM IS DEAD
I capitalized this. I did so because this is very important. I have been in Boston for two hours so far and I am getting the hell out. We are not truly free here. Sure, the majority are. However the establishment imprisoned the minds of the majority long ago. Fear has built bars around the American public and when you realize there is nothing to be afraid of you better believe there will be some sort of official to tell you that you should be.
This how we are controlled. We are controlled by fear. We ARE a terrorist state. Ask yourself about everything in your life you have ever wanted. Whether it is considered practical or not. What warnings have you recieved from figures in advisement roles, parents, teachers, lawyers, doctors, accountants. Their warnings don't mean shit. There is nothing you can do that you can't get yourself out of as long as you don't hurt someone else. THERE IS NOTHING TO BE AFRAID OF! We are free to pursue the American Dream. That is for sure. Are we free to not pursue the American Dream? Are we psychologically free to not pursue the American Dream? The world has to stop seeing constraints as only physically and realize that the brain makes you act and if your mind is imprisoned then YOU CAN'T MOVE. Americans exist in a mental prison of fear run by the American public themselves. If you try to break out Americans will try to bring you back in by placing as much mental anguish on you as possible. When you learn to recognize this only then are you truly free. However in a city as large as Boston authority at every turn the mental prison actually becomes a physical one. Where a simple look at something inspirational is not allowed.
I was told four times in these two hours that I could not do something. Two of which just involved me getting a small glimpse of something in this city made by man that is beautiful. No, no, sir. Go back to where the colors are dark and the edges are hard and everything is unclean. Do you realize what years and years of looking at greys and blacks and rough edges and general drabness does to someone's psyche? It is very oppressive!
I am going to Rockport. America has yet to make that ugly.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So off to Rockport I went. What a treasure Rockport Massachusetts is. The only indication of corporate handiwork I found was the Dunkin Donuts when you got off the train. Other than that just amazing. I wonder how long it will last before Walmart comes in.
Thursday August 19th
I took the train back on Wednesday and got off in Westboro and napped in the truck until dispatch time. I did my route and got back to the 'boro and took the train home. I have been doing alot of walking. I really really like it. Damn good excersise and it leaves me feeling outstanding. I got home checked my email and found one from Dawn saying I could ride up to the camping with her and her brother. This was good news. A camping trip had been in the works for a few months and it set for the 20th-22nd and as of the 19th I didn't know if I had a ride. So now I had about 24 hours to prepare. I promptly went to bed. I would be needing the rest.
Friday August 20th
I had a really stress free day in Connecticutt and got home to find out I would be leaving at 5:30. I had already done most of my running around before I got home so that just left two hours to do all my laundry and packing. I find out there are tornado warnings. What am I getting myself into I thought.
Dawn's brother is none other then one of the two people from AM Gold night that I didn't know. It was good to meet him and get to know him on the ride up. We actually listened to the 1st set and discussed it on the way up. Good stuff.
We get to the site to find everyone scurrying about trying to get everything set up. It is very apparent that it is going to rain and a screen house is being set up for some common area shelter.
A good thing because it poured. Charlene and Dawn's friend Brie was kind enough to let me sleep in her tent. It leaked. I slept in a cold wet tent in nothing but my cold wet underwear while my cold wet clothes lay bundled up in the corner. Let's hope Saturday would be better.
Saturday August 21st
I woke up at who knows what time to find that Duncan and Roger had already gone to town and gotten some firewood. Can I just say that Mr. Henry has entered into my top five cutest dogs. I was asked who I thought was cuter, Mr. Henry or Podunk. What an awful question. They are both adorable as hell. It rained on and off but I was able to take a quick hike around the campground. I stumbled upon an emu farm at one point, chilled with the emus, got treated rudely by the campground director and went back. Just after I got back it downpoured again stayed that way until maybe 5:00. We all went down to the shore to watch the sun set over the river and that was fun. And then we went back and sat around the fire and talked and sang songs and drank and laughed. More good times.
Sunday 22nd
After a delicious breakfast of pancakes, eggs and kielbasa we spent a good deal of time playing bocci. Holy shit is bocci a good time. I think there may be some in my future this weekend also. After bocci we spent the entire rest of the day lounging in the water at Barton's Cove. What a nice time. I feel old saying that but that is exactly what it was. A nice time. A got to spend alot of out of the bar time with a bunch of people I like and that was great. I packed up and left with Duncan and Jess around 6:00 and after a brief stop in Fitchburg returned home around 8:30 did some shit, unpacked, watched Da Ali G Show and then went to work.
Monday August 23rd
Worked. Came home and slept. Got up went back to work. So it goes. Those are my Monday's and Thursdays. GSMS practice is going to fucking kill me.
Tuesday August 24th
Worked came home and lounged around my dirty apartment. Everything is a mess. My newly discovered OCD would need to get everything straightened out and all my stuff I was behind in caught up before I could begin moving forward again. That would wait until Wednesday because my computer was severely fucked and above all else I need to write.
Wednesday August 25th
So here I am. I got my computer straightened out, got my backlog of writing in and posted all of this. I am semi caught up. Time to clean up my surroundings so Ican think straight. I am reading Mall by Eric Bogosian right now and that is calling me, however I have found that reading is ten times better after you have all your duck's in a row. Everything is better when you have all your ducks in a row. When you can concentrate fully on pleasurable activities without having other tasks hanging over your head. I am glad I have figured this out after almost 32 years on this planet. Horray for delaying your gratification!