OK, so now that the last journal entry is in the right place. Todays..
Today I realised how old I was, and I watched masterpiece theatre.
I also had kickass german food again, love that place. I'm not sure what else to say, other then I don't want to be a bitter old man, but I'm definately headed down that path.
I'm gonna drink some more beer, how did I get here? and where am I? I used to look at people my age and look up to them, married, with kids, older, wiser. This cycle has happened every year I grow older, one day I will be of white hair and think the same thing... Am I older? wiser? or have I just lost touch with that which made me something, and became like everyone else.
What is everyone else? that which lives, loves, gets a house, settles down, works in some career job until they have kids, grows old and dies. I guess I'm only partially like everyone else, trying to become like them, trying to become like society wants me to become.
Maybe I don't want to become like that, am I alowed to not want those things? My dreams were built up in my youth with tales of adventure only to grow older and realise tha thet most adventure adults have is when they go on vacation, or give their car a bit of gas.
Why is everyone so damn boring? Why can't we all just explore until we run out of things to explore? then build vehicles to explore farther and farther... Why can't we all be like the crimson and blue flame that licks up at the bottom of your dinner and then ceases to be. Why can't life be more then just providing service to other people that provide service to other people... I know the answer, because we need it in order to exist, but is existing so damn important when it accomplishes nothing? We'll all be dead one day, and our claim to fame will be that we helped make everyone exist during this period of time when we were alive.
I'm not older or wiser, my ideals are still youthfull and unsettled, I'm still dreaming like I did as a child, I'm just older now, with more expectation being placed on me to perpetuate the cycle that we call life. I'm just really really, unhappy about it.
Today I realised how old I was, and I watched masterpiece theatre.
I also had kickass german food again, love that place. I'm not sure what else to say, other then I don't want to be a bitter old man, but I'm definately headed down that path.
I'm gonna drink some more beer, how did I get here? and where am I? I used to look at people my age and look up to them, married, with kids, older, wiser. This cycle has happened every year I grow older, one day I will be of white hair and think the same thing... Am I older? wiser? or have I just lost touch with that which made me something, and became like everyone else.
What is everyone else? that which lives, loves, gets a house, settles down, works in some career job until they have kids, grows old and dies. I guess I'm only partially like everyone else, trying to become like them, trying to become like society wants me to become.
Maybe I don't want to become like that, am I alowed to not want those things? My dreams were built up in my youth with tales of adventure only to grow older and realise tha thet most adventure adults have is when they go on vacation, or give their car a bit of gas.
Why is everyone so damn boring? Why can't we all just explore until we run out of things to explore? then build vehicles to explore farther and farther... Why can't we all be like the crimson and blue flame that licks up at the bottom of your dinner and then ceases to be. Why can't life be more then just providing service to other people that provide service to other people... I know the answer, because we need it in order to exist, but is existing so damn important when it accomplishes nothing? We'll all be dead one day, and our claim to fame will be that we helped make everyone exist during this period of time when we were alive.
I'm not older or wiser, my ideals are still youthfull and unsettled, I'm still dreaming like I did as a child, I'm just older now, with more expectation being placed on me to perpetuate the cycle that we call life. I'm just really really, unhappy about it.