nullandvoid

You really should pick up your feet when you walk, the shuffle from your shoes is drowning out my thoughts of you and I in a clean world.
Whats a boy like you doing in a dump like this?


I drag my feet at a pace that makes constant lines in the dirt, follow me, thats what i am trying to tell you. I want you to go where ever I go, I should never be without you. Cleanliness would only mask the real world. Everyone is dingy, nothing is perfect. I have been here waiting for you.

I can write you letters in the dust settling on the tops of your furniture. White gloved tests would fail miserably. But I don't think you seem to care.

I carefully read every single well thought out letter and curve you cast upon my things. I take pictures of them, even though they will remain there until you choose to wipe them away. But you are right, I don't care, I like you all around me.

Those lamp shades are trying awfully hard to be that pretty white shade they were born for. I suppose grey looks better on everything anyhow. Drowns out the emotion, makes everything seem still.

Still like those one pictures I took of you? You looked like you were trying awfully hard to not show me you loved me still. Don't worry silly, I know you do. The photobooth film strips never lie. You kissed me, you kissed me good.

I almost feel like I am talking to myself sometimes, perhaps I am. Do you mind that I pace around while telling you that I dreamed of an ocean last night? Well, I did. It was glorious. It washed away all our worries, even the ones I take upon myself. But ofcourse darling it was just a dream.

I had a dream that water was flowing like verbal rivers from underneath my bed and you were riding on an old trunk of my grandfathers.. You looked so innocent. i think our worries were inside that trunk. I think it was going to europe. We should have went there, I would have loved to see you royal.

Nothing is ever as it seems.. isnt that how that old coinage goes? I am not who people think I am. I still cry at night, I still wish my mom was around. I still wish that I could be 5 again. I sometimes wish you were asleep with me. Dreaming solo can be quite lonely ya know? But like I said, it doesn't really matter anymore. You never seem to pay much attention to the likes of me anymore.

Why would you want to quote people we will never really know. Lets go out grand, lets make our own coinages, lets be 5 again. Ill make you crowns with grass flowers and we can dance around like fools. Ill roast marshmallows with a lighter and you can squeeze them between your fingers. You can borrow my mom, she is great like that. I will always be there with you in some way shape or form. We will always dream together, ill always meet you right where I say I will. Next to the willow trees across from the pond. Let's have our first kiss every day.

Everything has changed, rearranged and made something else. I just wish I would have waited, savored everything that I had ever experienced. I wish I would remember what holding your hand felt like.

Memories are amazing. I promise. My hand feels the same, perhaps a little colder. It has been soo long since I have felt your breath in my palms. Lets dance darling.

I wish I could feel anything anymore.

I wish I could feel anything anymore.