Y'all are gonna keep fuckin' around with me
And turn me back into the old me
What follows is directed at no one in particular. If you see something you've done listed here, don't imagine you're the first person that's done it. Don't feel that I'm mad at you, because I'm not. Rather, if you see something in the following that reminds you of yourself, please take a moment and wonder if you can learn something.
I often tell people that I'm rarely very generous, and yet I'm often known to pick up a check or go completely out of my way to help a friend. This dichotomy is often noticed by someone and remarked on at the absolute wrong time, and I give up and turn into the old me--the not generous me. Why?
Because I'm saddened by the way most people handle gratitude.
Once when trying to explain this, I told a woman that being able to accept kindness was the hallmark of a truly enlightened individual. Accepting malice is simple, but few ever master accepting kindness. Ironically, she didn't see the positive in what I was trying to say, but rather focused on the negative and snarled, "Are you saying I'm not enlightened?"
If I do something nice for you, I only would like two things: a thank you and that you not take my generosity for granted. Everything else is unnecessary and often makes the person being generous regret their largesse. The person is being nice to you because they want to not because the have to. The only polite thing is to not make them rethink wanting to.
So please, if someone does something nice dont do things like the following:
- Tabulate how much you "owe" them. If this were a billing situation, you'd be given an invoice. Instead, just remember they did something nice for you and show some consideration for them someday. I'm pretty sure that's called being friends.
- Make a huge spectacle out of the generosity if they're being quiet about it or vice versa.
- In the case of a split check being picked up, do not slap a bill down on the table between you and attempt to use your mind powers to make them take your money. That's a good way to inadvertently leave a bigger tip.
- Continually remind them that they were nice to you and you owe them. It makes the person want to scream, "That martini was five dollars and forty-one cents. You'd better be at the front door with exact change in hand when I get there."
- Try to repay their generosity with cash unless they specifically state they need the cash for something like gas to get you to the airport. If makes them feel like the cheapest taxi/movers/painters/whatever in the Yellow Pages. Otherwise, buy them a coffee or some pizza or a beer--that'll be more appreciated.
- Bring up how they're not usually generous or say they aren't. You might find out that there's a reason they aren't usually generous.
Do:
- Say thank you or raise your glass or show that the act has been acknowledged.
- If you absolutely must remember the score, keep it to yourself until you can make it right.
Truthfully, I'd gladly pay to watch someone eat her first meal in a nice restaurant. I'm happy to pick up a check wherein my meal was 60% of the bill anyway so that we won't be late to a sold out movie. Hell, sometimes I pick up a check because I always do that at least once during my birthday season. I don't mind staying up till four in the morning to drive you to the airport when that makes me a footnote in a cute love story. I don't mind coming over for you to talk to when you need it. As far as I've ever known things like that are what being a friend is about.
Before anyone points it out, I know I'm not perfect about this. My hatred of compliments shows that. However, I do recognize my flaw and try to combat it.
Thank you for reading.
And turn me back into the old me
What follows is directed at no one in particular. If you see something you've done listed here, don't imagine you're the first person that's done it. Don't feel that I'm mad at you, because I'm not. Rather, if you see something in the following that reminds you of yourself, please take a moment and wonder if you can learn something.
I often tell people that I'm rarely very generous, and yet I'm often known to pick up a check or go completely out of my way to help a friend. This dichotomy is often noticed by someone and remarked on at the absolute wrong time, and I give up and turn into the old me--the not generous me. Why?
Because I'm saddened by the way most people handle gratitude.
Once when trying to explain this, I told a woman that being able to accept kindness was the hallmark of a truly enlightened individual. Accepting malice is simple, but few ever master accepting kindness. Ironically, she didn't see the positive in what I was trying to say, but rather focused on the negative and snarled, "Are you saying I'm not enlightened?"
If I do something nice for you, I only would like two things: a thank you and that you not take my generosity for granted. Everything else is unnecessary and often makes the person being generous regret their largesse. The person is being nice to you because they want to not because the have to. The only polite thing is to not make them rethink wanting to.
So please, if someone does something nice dont do things like the following:
- Tabulate how much you "owe" them. If this were a billing situation, you'd be given an invoice. Instead, just remember they did something nice for you and show some consideration for them someday. I'm pretty sure that's called being friends.
- Make a huge spectacle out of the generosity if they're being quiet about it or vice versa.
- In the case of a split check being picked up, do not slap a bill down on the table between you and attempt to use your mind powers to make them take your money. That's a good way to inadvertently leave a bigger tip.
- Continually remind them that they were nice to you and you owe them. It makes the person want to scream, "That martini was five dollars and forty-one cents. You'd better be at the front door with exact change in hand when I get there."
- Try to repay their generosity with cash unless they specifically state they need the cash for something like gas to get you to the airport. If makes them feel like the cheapest taxi/movers/painters/whatever in the Yellow Pages. Otherwise, buy them a coffee or some pizza or a beer--that'll be more appreciated.
- Bring up how they're not usually generous or say they aren't. You might find out that there's a reason they aren't usually generous.
Do:
- Say thank you or raise your glass or show that the act has been acknowledged.
- If you absolutely must remember the score, keep it to yourself until you can make it right.
Truthfully, I'd gladly pay to watch someone eat her first meal in a nice restaurant. I'm happy to pick up a check wherein my meal was 60% of the bill anyway so that we won't be late to a sold out movie. Hell, sometimes I pick up a check because I always do that at least once during my birthday season. I don't mind staying up till four in the morning to drive you to the airport when that makes me a footnote in a cute love story. I don't mind coming over for you to talk to when you need it. As far as I've ever known things like that are what being a friend is about.
Before anyone points it out, I know I'm not perfect about this. My hatred of compliments shows that. However, I do recognize my flaw and try to combat it.
Thank you for reading.
VIEW 10 of 10 COMMENTS
unravled:
Whoa. There's pie?
desdenova:
With uncertainty also comes options. Why should we seek to pigeonhole ourselves for the sake of simplicity?