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I've often said that if a body doesn't have anything immediately wrong with him or herself, that body'll get busy inventing something to trouble over.

I've been doing that today. It's somewhat fascinating to watch. My life has evened out pretty well, so I have decided to torture myself with somewhat petty material desires.

The gist of the matter is that I haven't had a TV in nearly six years. It broke one day, and I never bothered to replace it. Now, due to the inevitable confluence of TV and the internet, I find myself being sucked into some of the somewhat excellent episodic TV being produced right now. This leads me to figure that I want a TV, since my giant leather couch is ever so much more inviting than even my expensive computer chair.

The problem is that I don't have a "sensible, measured electronics purchasing" gene. I'm an engineer. I have the horrible distinction of knowing far too much about the product pipeline and future plans of most anything that has a transistor in it. Thus, I have found myself convinced that only a 1080p LCD the size of a moderate English countryside hamlet will do. Plus, I can't just use any old source for a TV like that. Nor can I use a TiVo that doesn't do HD. Definitely can't not have a video game system.

Suddenly, my desire to lie on the couch has a price point somewhat higher than a sensible used car. Say a four year old Saturn.

This should not be a problem, as I--in the modest parlance my father bestowed on me--do okay for myself. Being a very senior engineer means that I can earn several times what the average family in this country makes, so I should be able to purchase my Saturn of an entertainment unit.

Alas, even after scouring the net, getting sweetheart deals on both financing and costs (while studiously avoiding paying sales tax and shipping as much as possible), and plotting the timeline that I have to play with should I want to be watching TV by Thanksgiving (I also have a timeline and interest estimates for the sweetheart financing deals), I find that I don't want to spend the money.

Why?

Wish I fucking knew. I blame it on being raised by old people who grew up in the depression. You'd think that I was either broke or bad with money the way I agonize, but I'm neither. In fact, I'm never even close to broke, and I'm good enough with money that I knew on average where every cent will go and have my estimated taxes done for next year already.

I somehow think that I believe if I make a big purchase, something terrible will happen to make me regret it. If I don't have that money, I'll regret it.

I'll sleep fitfully on it and see what my gut says in the morning, but for tonight I envy those people that can just blow money. In the light of day, though, I know that I won't envy them their debt.