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I was mauled by a elephantine retarded man today.

I'm not entirely sure how the sequence of events unfolded. There he was: about four hundred pounds and very excited that he was going to be able to get his ID card. There I was: patiently trying to wait for my turn to renew my license. Then he barreled into me and hugged me without warning, and I tried to fight him off. Next thing I know chairs are flying, and I'm trying my best to keep him from smothering me as we fall backward.

Then as people apologized to me and tried to calm things down, I sat back and thought, "This is my life."