nukdookum

I wake up, groggy, the light stinging my eyes as I try to determine my surroundings. My world floods with brilliant white light, drowning out the shadows and everything else with it. The pain of it all is too much so I close them again and drift back into the blissful darkness. In the distance I hear Your voice, soft but unintelligible yet comforting in this foreign place. I try to determine where it is coming from but the strain makes me tired. I'll just rest here a moment and....

I wake again, still disoriented, I try to speak Your name but only mangled sounds escape my tortured throat. I open my eyes, remembering too late the pain from before as the white hot light shoots pain into my head yet again. My eyes close hard, willing the pain to go away, wishing You were here, trying in vain to hear Your voice. I could have sworn I had heard it earlier, or was that just the delirium of my malady? Am I sick? I try to remember anything from before the pain, but I cannot. I try to move but it feels like I am in molasses, my body does not want to respond to simple motor control. This puzzles me, I don't understand, my mind grasps at wisps of thought, memories or fantasies I cannot tell which. The effort drains me and I can feel a cold sweat begin on my brow. I hope I do not have the flu, I hate to miss work. The darkness comforts me as I drift off again.

Floating, it feels like I am floating. I can feel the wall pressing into my back a solid surface that feels good in contrast to the open airy space around me. Its still dark, but then I realize my eyes are still closed. I almost open them before I remember the light, and I smile to myself having avoided the pain. Slowly I crack my eyelids, it's bright but I can make out a room, dreary, spartan. I'm laying on a bed, the wall I felt before quickly shifts position and becomes a thin mattress on the bed I am laying on, my head throbs, disoriented, I try to make out the rest of the room. I've never seen it before. My throat is killing me, as if I had been screaming for hours at a concert and the tissue is rebelling at the abuse, refusing to cooperate and make normal speech, protesting with it's own dull ache to let me know it is unhappy. I feel like shit, not knowing what to make of this room and no memories of how I got here. At least I am awake and my mind seems to be functioning if only in the present. Your image pops into my head unbidden. The way Your eye sparkles when You find something truly entertaining. The way Your voice sounds to me when I lay my head upon Your chest, deep and sultry, soothing, relaxing me no matter how tense I am. The way You kiss me, Your soft lips pressed hungrily against mine, just as deeply now as when we first met. The way Your body curves, under the ear along the neck, out around the shoulder and breast, back in at the waist only to swing back out at the hips and down along those sleekly muscled thighs. I can picture my hand caressing You along those curves like an Italian sports car cruising along a coastal highway.

I'm shaken from my momentary musings as the door opens. I squint and see a person walking towards me. I try to say Where am I? but again my throat rebels and I only succeed in groaning. I hear the words Take it easy, I have something to help you rest. It takes a few seconds to register the meaning and before I can object, I feel the distinct prick of a needle in my arm followed the equally distinct sensation of cool liquid being injected. The man walks out, shuts the door and Your voice echos in my head, a mere ghost of the previous musings but soothing and calm none the less. I drift off, dreaming of You.

I don't know how long I have been out. My mind is reeling, a million questions waiting to be answered. The fog seems to be clearing but I still have no recollection from before the pain. Oh! I remember the pain and slowly open my eyes. It is dark now, the room cast in hundreds of shades of gray. It is a simple room, one small window, barred. A door, judging by the heavy sound it made when the man left earlier, I assume it is solid and bolted shut. I am laying on a single twin bed with a thin mattress barely protecting me from the springs underneath. I try to sit up but find I cannot, my arms and legs bound by thick leather straps. What is this place? Where am I? What did I do? Damn I wish I could remember. I want to wake up, I pray that this is a nightmare and I will wake soon, but that does not happen. Instead I stare at the blank ceiling, trying to conjure the images and memories that landed me here, also without success.

I must have drifted off at some point because it is now daytime, bright warming sunshine streams through the window, illuminating the room, no longer the searing white light which brought so much pain earlier. Oddly, the light does little to make the room more cheery. Dull, light blue paint covers the walls, in places broken and chipped. The window looks as if it might have been cleaned...once...in 1970. The bed is an old military rack, made of welded metal tubes, no sharp corners. I roll onto my side to stretch, the muscles in my back and arms ache, but the movement feels good and soon I almost feel like my old self, whoever that was. I sit up and put my feet on the floor to stretch my legs when it hits me, I am no longer bound to the bed. I peer underneath and the shackles hang loosely from the frame, unused but still in working order. Someone has freed me, but the who or why I cannot fathom. I get up, trying the window to let in more light and some fresh air but the window doesn't budge. It smells like stale sweat and vomit in here so I head for the door. It is not bolted as I had suspected and I poke my head out into the hall. Nobody in sight and a chill runs up my back, where do I go if I escape? I have no past to return to, no address to locate, no place that I can remember to call safety.

I start to panic, my worst fears having become a reality, my memories have been taken from me. I try to calm myself, taking comfort in the fact that my mind has returned to its full intensity, it stands to reason that my memories will do the same. Timeless images of You and I laughing on a blanket spread underneath a large oak tree in the middle of what seems to be a wooded park. Memories of me pushing You on an old tree swing beside a huge farmhouse, the smell of fresh hay wafting on the air and the sound of birds chirping in the trees. The intense sensation of Your body moving against mine, limbs intertwined and hearts pounding in our chests as our bodies grind in unison. The smell of Your breath washing over me as I bend to kiss You, my cock still buried deep in Your cunt. The pleasant feeling of me waking to Your mouth wrapped around my cock in the mornings. Suddenly the empty hallway seems more ominous, the world a dismal place without You in my life. I try in vain to remember a time or a location, but these images like all of the others could very well be figments of my imagination, hallucinations dreamed up in a drug induced stupor.

I shuffle across the hall, the door is locked but I see a similar room to mine occupied by an older woman, sitting on the bed and rocking hectically back and forth, all the while mumbling to herself. The next room houses a man sleeping in the corner, the sheets stripped from his bed and placed in the corner as if it were a nest and he some species of huge bipedal bird. I wander the entire hall, each room with its strange occupant. I begin to doubt my own sanity, wondering if, when people gaze into my room do they see someone equally disturbed? Am I perhaps myself delusional or insane believing my mind to be clear when in reality it is not? This line of thought is dangerous and I feel vulnerable. I need to get to safety, but where is a safe place? Damn I wish I had a clue. The safest place I know is the room, so I return to it, shutting the solid door behind me, safe, secure behind the solid weight from the uncertainties of the outside world.

I lay on the bed for what seems like an eternity, contemplating my fate and the possible events that brought me here. It could have been hours or mere minutes when the door opens again, it's the man, or I assume it's the same guy who injected me. He smiles at me with that warm yet somehow false smile that sales people wear when they greet you as you enter the store. I see you're up and feeling better. he remarks casually. I feel nervous, glancing at his hands I don't see a hypodermic but instead a tray of food. It looks bland but suddenly I am ravenous. I realize I haven't eaten in what could have been days, my hunger forgotten along with my past. I nod and remain seated, not wanting to give him any cause to restrain me again. My mind searches, Why was I restrained before?, Was he the one who did it?, Did I deserve it?, all questions that I haven't got the answers to so I force myself to abandon the thought chain, focusing on the food. He leaves the tray on the bed and leaves the room, the sound of the door closing reverberating through the room with finality. I hear the light clink of metal scraping metal as he locks it behind him. Drat, confined again, or was that the hint of happiness at the thought of additional security in my world? I eat, the food is barely that. Some nameless dry meat, mashed potatoes and something I assume is a vegetable, all the same drab colorless shade of gray. I marvel at the skill of the cook who was able to create this monotone meal.

I nap after the meal, feeling better about my place in life. A roof over my head, food to eat no matter how tasteless, and a somewhat soft place to sleep. Who could ask for more? Instantly images of You pop into my head. Soft delicate skin, deep intense smile, eyes full of life sparkling with an intelligence that lurks just beneath the surface of Your perfect curves. Oh those curves, I imagine Your hips in front of my face and I plant a sensual kiss on the crease where Your thigh meets Your torso. Your skin smells so nice, the hint of aloe mixing with the sandalwood perfume You wear. My lips travel along that crease, savoring each touch and taste of You. As I move closer to Your sex I feel You respond, anticipating the warmth and pleasure that is to come. Your hips move up to meet my lips, moving so as to position Your cunt under them and moaning with desire for my mouth. I can feel my erection starting as I savor the taste of Your now excited pussy, the heady musk odor pervading my senses and turning me into an animal, no intellect, no decorum, just an overpowering desire to please You in whichever way You want me to. I hear the sound of metal at the door, someone's coming! I realize that the erection I felt was real, though the image may not have been a real memory. I curse my mind, answering the rhetorical question I had asked in such a way as to make me feel lost in a strange world, disconnected from everything and everyone, unable and perhaps unwilling, to live life on my own.

I roll to my side, trying to mask my state of excitement from the man who has surely come to sedate me again, somehow knowing of my wicked thoughts and needing to insure that I am incapable of attempting to escape to find You. Instead a slight figure enters the room, wearing a white lab coat over jeans and a black turtle neck sweater. This must be the doctor, I assume, and remain on the bed, wondering if he has been informed of my state and has come to discuss with me exactly what thoughts are, and are not, allowed in this facility. I smile at the thought of the thought police, and shiver too, half-believing that they might really exist. The doctor comes to sit on my bed, places a hand on my shoulder and calls my name. The voice I hear is Yours and I blink up at the doctor, confused as to why Your voice would echo in my head at this precise moment, insuring that my erection has no chance to subside. The blinking clears my blurry eyes and I see that in fact it is You, dressed as a doctor? My heart soars, knowing that You are real, knowing that You are here to save me from my own madness, You must have been impersonating a doctor to get past the guards and have dreamed up some excuse to take me to that farmhouse, to the huge oak for more picnics and laughter.

You smile at me and say, I'm glad You're awake. How do You feel?. Euphoric? How do I feel? Like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Like the world has color again. Like my life has purpose, I know the images were real. Do You? the question rises from the back of my brain, trying to be innocent but I know that question is far from innocent. You could be my doctor, I understand the concept of Erotomania, where a patient believes that their caregiver has feelings for them beyond what they actually do. Some refer to this as the Florence Nightengale syndrome, but that describes the opposite unbalanced attraction between caregiver and patient. I weigh my answer carefully, I feel better. What happened?. You look down at me and ask, You don't remember?. I shake my head. Nothing?, You inquire. Again, I shake my head no. Well, it's probably still a bit early. Your memory will return eventually. and with that You get up, smile at me with a look of intense happiness and walk out of the room, closing the door behind You. I relish that smile, there was no insincerity in it, I know You love me and are happy that I am doing good. I can't wait for my mind to heal so we can go home together.

I awaken later to darkness, the room once again cast in shadow. I hear the faintest sounds coming from the hallway, the heavy door masking them almost to the point of keeping them out of my room. I watch as the door swings slowly open and You step out of the pitch hallway and into the only slightly less black room. You are wearing the lab coat again but as You move across the room You open it and reveal that You have nothing on underneath. I can feel my desire rising for You, pressing against the bed. You drape the lab coat across the end of the bed and slide in next to me. Your skin on mine feels wonderful and I realize that I am stripped naked. You must have come in earlier to check on me and removed my clothes in preparation for this nighttime tryst.

Your body shimmers in the darkness, a slightly less pale image against the light gray of the bedsheets in this darkened room. I roll to my side, marveling at Your perfection, the smooth skin of Your breast, the way Your breathing wavers when I touch You, the way my heart beats faster in Your presence. Looking at You lying there beside me I get a naughty thought. I slide off the bed, kneeling beside You to kiss You tenderly upon the lips. I nuzzle Your cheek and plant another soft kiss just below the ear. Your neck smells wonderful, the scent of Your shampoo mixing with the warm skin smell and the delicate scent of sandalwood. I kiss Your neck a couple times, working my way along that perfect curve, sampling each and every inch of You. Your nipple is erect when my mouth gets to it, and I take it between my lips and suck gently, mimicking the motions a baby might while it attempts to feed for the first time.

I hear Your breath deepen as You exhale hot and heavy into my ear. My hands have been busy, pulling the restraints up to Your arm I lay the thick leather across Your hot skin to fasten it. Just slightly tighter, I hear You whisper in the darkness. I comply. I tie the other leather straps similarly as You watch me, an expression of bemusement dances on Your face. In the darkness I can't really see Your face but I imagine that You are smiling, intrigued by this unusual turn of events. When You are securely fastened to the bed spread-eagle I begin again, kissing Your beasts gingerly, nibbling lightly at the base of Your neck, running the tips of my fingers across Your body barely touching the surface. I look around for a blind-fold, anything to keep You from seeing my next touch in the dim light. I wonder casually Where are my clothes? but remember the lab coat at the end of the bed. I place it carefully over Your face, making sure that You can still breathe and that Your lips are still available for the occasional kiss.

I spend the next few minutes Or was it hours?, I hear that voice in my head ask, again trying to be innocent, playing the hide and seek game with You. Giving Your body different stimulus in different areas, trying to catch You off guard and make You squirm against the restraints. You are good at this game and remain still, challenging me in ways that only You can. I position myself over You, kissing Your body in various spots, licking Your nipples and inhaling sharply to draw cool air across the wet surface. You squirm. I kiss Your belly button, a ticklish spot apparently, You squirm again. I kiss Your pubic area and You moan. I know what You want, but You are bound and I am in control. I run the tip of my tongue up Your side from Your hip to the under-curve of Your breast. I lean forward and take Your earlobe in my teeth, gently squeezing. I whisper to You Thank goodness You're here. I lower my body down upon Yours, letting You feel the heat of my skin on Yours, the pressure of my rock hard penis on Your thigh, the warm breath on Your neck. You are beautiful and I love You with all of my heart, body and soul, I whisper, My world is nothing without You. I kiss Your mouth with passion, reveling in the way You press back, our tongues eager to find each other as if they are long lost twins separated at birth and overjoyed at the prospect of finally meeting each other again. I kiss Your chin and work my way down Your chest, between Your breasts and along the line leading down Your stomach and into the promised land.

I don't know how long I licked and sucked on Your pussy, time ceased to have meaning for me. All that mattered was Your pleasure, Your orgasms. I wanted to make You feel pleasure equal to the pleasure I felt when I am with You. The bedsheets became wet beneath us, each orgasm adding even more moisture to the mess, try as I might to lap it all up before it is wasted. I then undid the leather straps, allowing You to roll on Your side so that we could spoon. My rigid cock pressed into the back of Your thigh, my face buried in Your hair, arms wrapped around You in a protective embrace. I feel Your heart beat, the wet sheets beneath us and the sweat still beading on my brow. I need You, want You, want to feel You from the inside, like that song. I wish I could remember the name or the artist but details are so unimportant to me at this moment. I grab my penis and maneuver it between Your legs, sliding into the dripping cunt is easy from behind like this. I make love to You spooning the way we are, slow and deliberate. Holding You in my arms, thrusting from behind as I feel the head of my cock slip into the delicious warmth of Your pussy. The heat which envelops my cock is like a kiln, baking the soft flesh into a rock hard piston, driving itself slowly and surely into Your soft womanhood over and over. I kiss the back of Your shoulder, then, on the next stroke in I kiss Your neck. You are a Goddess, I whisper with the following thrust.

It takes less than 10 minutes for my slow methodical movements to bring me to orgasm. I shudder, continuing to hold You and spill my load inside of You. New heat envelops our lovemaking, and my cock is able to withstand a few more thrusts before it begins the inevitable shrinking trick that most men suffer from. I decide to leave it in, preferring to hold You and kiss Your neck in the dark hours before dawn. I lay there spooning with You and marvel at the intensity of our sexual practices, and the variety of the things we do together. Most would call us crazy for the things we did. I think they are the crazy ones, hiding behind the known safety of routine, never experiencing the total abandon that comes with giving one's self over to another in submission. Alas, mine is not to judge, they do what they can to experience happiness and security in their worlds, I do what I can to experience them in mine. Nobody has the answers, nobody is right or wrong, everyone is master of their own happiness and free to experience it however they choose.

I must have drifted off because I wake sometime later. I'm not sure how long it has been, though it can't have been too long, sunlight peers through the dirty window, illuminating the room from dismal gray to bleak blue. I turn to see if You are still here. You are not. I am dressed now, my clothes drenched in sweat or our love making I am not sure. The bedsheets too are still drenched and I feel achy for having slept in the humid mess. I hear the door and look up expectantly, hoping to see You. It is only the male orderly again, bringing me my colorless breakfast which he sets on the foot of the bed and leaves, not even noticing the mess we have made.

I sit up, trying to remember why I am here. I am still unable to summon up images of the past. I am not worried, You said I would get my memory back someday. I trust You, I love You. I eat my food, still colorless but not so bland today. I am sure it was You who added a bit of flavor to my food, because You love me as much as I love You. I have a roof over my head, food to eat, a somewhat soft place to sleep and I have You. Who could ask for anything more?