Most of you probably don't know this but I am incredibly shy. I don't mind talking to people in a blog but for some reason I feel like messaging someone is very personal. Don't get me wrong I love getting messages because I feel like it is someone trying to get to know me more, but I (personally) have problems with messaging someone. I feel like I am getting to intrusive. I also feel like people would think I am weird or otherwise.
I used to have a horrible social anxiety, though I have gotten SO much better when talking to people! I still find myself holding back and getting worried about how people will perceive me or if they will think I am just getting annoying. I guess there are just some people I just click with like (the devilishly handsome
) RoadieShow (we are totally like creepy BFFs now well at least I see it that way...he might not ) and Kurosune (though I sometimes feel like I am bothering her 
) I think I just don't know how to socialize with people...like I missed that section in the growing up handbook.
I have always kind of felt like an outcast in society and in some sense I have always been okay with it. As I read everyone's blog about travel, drunkeness, and life in general it makes me feel like I missed out on such a large portion of my life. I was never really a partier, my middle school/high school days were mostly spent online talking to guys I would never know in real life and playing online games. I was the invisible girl that no one really ever noticed (doodling in my notebook and doing poorly in school).
I had an average home life, my parents are together and love each other very much. My mom traveled a lot but she was always there for me when I really needed her. There are always issues with parents but I won't get into that since it doesn't really matter. I feel like everything about me is average...my art, my life, my family. I feel like I am not worth getting to know. Is it so weird to wish for something extraordinary to happen? I wrote this blog on my Tumblr, but since no one really goes there I will post it here too:
"Have you ever watched a TV series that left you with a sense that you could do so much more in your life? I sometimes feel like I am wasting away sitting in my apartment. I know I have so much potential but I feel like I misuse it somehow, like everything I was meant to be has been lost. When I was younger I would look into the sky and believe that if I just try hard enough I could reach itone daybut now, with the knowledge of how far away it actually is, I feel like its just to difficult to reach.
Sometimes Ill lift my hand into the air stretching it as far as it can go, just to grasp at something. The child in me is smiling and telling me it is in fact possible, but when I grasp and retract my hand, all I find is air, and yet maybe, if I try hard to see it, I could find some of the sky in the palm of my hand and smile. Sometimes I just need to skew my vision to see the possible in impossible."
I guess it's never to late to try and be extraordinary. I just want people to like me for me, no posing no makeup, just me...
I figured I would post facts about myself that I find weird.
-I am a very open person when it comes to sex and sexuality and LOVE talking about it (as in helping council people and talking about favorite positions/toys/and fetishes in a conversation setting), but I get very embarrassed and uncomfortable when people try and cyber with me or send me a picture of their penis.
-I tend to run around my boyfriend and "Nya!!!" like a kitty when I want attention...most likely followed by nibbling his arm if he ignores me.
-I tend to be very hypocritical, as in I can't seem to agree on one thing or the other (ex. I like being alone but I also really hate it, I love my natural hair color but I want to dye it like a million colors, etc.)
-I want to be religious and spiritual but I tend to be to logical and lose all the magic by running down the facts. (I have tried A LOT of religions and none seemed to fit me well)
-I am soooo lazy and it annoys me to no end, but I am to lazy to do anything about it.
-I am more comfortable around boys then girls...girls kind of scare me...I have also been used and have very bad trust issues because of girls in the past.
-I really only have one true best friend that has been with me through thick and thin and I would give my life for. We are nothing alike except for a few things in common but she is like a sister to me and I don't know what I would do if she went away
-Mew is my all time favorite pokemon. Every time I watch the movie, when Mew comes on screen, I uncontrollably Squee and squeeze anything near me. I truthfully can't help it. ( I love Psychic type pokemon in general!)
-I love taking pictures of myself way to much, and kind of wish my boyfriend liked taking pictures more.
I guess this blog is getting to long...I also created a formspring account if you want to ask me anything http://www.formspring.me/DeliriousWisdom
Uh Oh I hope this blog wasn't to depressing! it's just small things I think about when I am bored! Here is a picture of me looking stupid showing off my new AWESOME bracelet my best friend bought me for my birthday!!! (NUKA COLA BRACELET!!! if you have no idea what that is shame on you! Go play Fallout!) it also has a sunset bottle cap with a blue star! woo! 
I am to awesome! *hero pose*
Also please go give Alyeska some love on her new set!!! http://suicidegirls.com/members/Alyeska/albums/site/24582/
I used to have a horrible social anxiety, though I have gotten SO much better when talking to people! I still find myself holding back and getting worried about how people will perceive me or if they will think I am just getting annoying. I guess there are just some people I just click with like (the devilishly handsome
) RoadieShow (we are totally like creepy BFFs now well at least I see it that way...he might not ) and Kurosune (though I sometimes feel like I am bothering her ) I think I just don't know how to socialize with people...like I missed that section in the growing up handbook. I have always kind of felt like an outcast in society and in some sense I have always been okay with it. As I read everyone's blog about travel, drunkeness, and life in general it makes me feel like I missed out on such a large portion of my life. I was never really a partier, my middle school/high school days were mostly spent online talking to guys I would never know in real life and playing online games. I was the invisible girl that no one really ever noticed (doodling in my notebook and doing poorly in school).
I had an average home life, my parents are together and love each other very much. My mom traveled a lot but she was always there for me when I really needed her. There are always issues with parents but I won't get into that since it doesn't really matter. I feel like everything about me is average...my art, my life, my family. I feel like I am not worth getting to know. Is it so weird to wish for something extraordinary to happen? I wrote this blog on my Tumblr, but since no one really goes there I will post it here too:
"Have you ever watched a TV series that left you with a sense that you could do so much more in your life? I sometimes feel like I am wasting away sitting in my apartment. I know I have so much potential but I feel like I misuse it somehow, like everything I was meant to be has been lost. When I was younger I would look into the sky and believe that if I just try hard enough I could reach itone daybut now, with the knowledge of how far away it actually is, I feel like its just to difficult to reach.
Sometimes Ill lift my hand into the air stretching it as far as it can go, just to grasp at something. The child in me is smiling and telling me it is in fact possible, but when I grasp and retract my hand, all I find is air, and yet maybe, if I try hard to see it, I could find some of the sky in the palm of my hand and smile. Sometimes I just need to skew my vision to see the possible in impossible."
I guess it's never to late to try and be extraordinary. I just want people to like me for me, no posing no makeup, just me...
I figured I would post facts about myself that I find weird.
-I am a very open person when it comes to sex and sexuality and LOVE talking about it (as in helping council people and talking about favorite positions/toys/and fetishes in a conversation setting), but I get very embarrassed and uncomfortable when people try and cyber with me or send me a picture of their penis.
-I tend to run around my boyfriend and "Nya!!!" like a kitty when I want attention...most likely followed by nibbling his arm if he ignores me.
-I tend to be very hypocritical, as in I can't seem to agree on one thing or the other (ex. I like being alone but I also really hate it, I love my natural hair color but I want to dye it like a million colors, etc.)
-I want to be religious and spiritual but I tend to be to logical and lose all the magic by running down the facts. (I have tried A LOT of religions and none seemed to fit me well)
-I am soooo lazy and it annoys me to no end, but I am to lazy to do anything about it.
-I am more comfortable around boys then girls...girls kind of scare me...I have also been used and have very bad trust issues because of girls in the past.
-I really only have one true best friend that has been with me through thick and thin and I would give my life for. We are nothing alike except for a few things in common but she is like a sister to me and I don't know what I would do if she went away
-Mew is my all time favorite pokemon. Every time I watch the movie, when Mew comes on screen, I uncontrollably Squee and squeeze anything near me. I truthfully can't help it. ( I love Psychic type pokemon in general!)
-I love taking pictures of myself way to much, and kind of wish my boyfriend liked taking pictures more.
I guess this blog is getting to long...I also created a formspring account if you want to ask me anything http://www.formspring.me/DeliriousWisdom
Uh Oh I hope this blog wasn't to depressing! it's just small things I think about when I am bored!
Here is a picture of me looking stupid showing off my new AWESOME bracelet my best friend bought me for my birthday!!! (NUKA COLA BRACELET!!! if you have no idea what that is shame on you! Go play Fallout!) it also has a sunset bottle cap with a blue star! woo! I am to awesome! *hero pose*Also please go give Alyeska some love on her new set!!! http://suicidegirls.com/members/Alyeska/albums/site/24582/
VIEW 12 of 12 COMMENTS
kurosune:
AWWWW BABES!!!!!! *HUGS* YOU NEVER BOTHER ME!!!!! I absolutely love talking to you! Of course!!!!! ^_^ Tell you what! I'll bring you back something from Comic Con, mmkay? 
SPOILERS! (Click to view)
nikdante:
I can certainly empathise with the social anxiety. For some reason, even amongst friends, I find it really hard to stand up with a drink in my hand and talk to people. However, if sitting around a table, it's fine. I also hate phoning people and will do anything to avoid it - in that respect, messaging etc is ideal for me. Thanks for accepting my friend request - hope to get to know you better (but no messaging yet - let's not run before we can walk!) 