nparis

I still can't sleep. Today was torture putting most of my life into boxes and then into storage. But at least that part is done. I no longer have the constant reminders of you surrounding me. It's relieving to have that weight lifted. But sleep still evades me. I don't understand. I thought it was just the stress of knowing I had to go back that kept me awake. Now I'm free of that burden and nothing. I lay there staring at the ceiling. I can't help but wonder if you have trouble sleeping too. I try not to care anymore but you still flood my mind.

I've been thinking in pictures on these nights. It's alarming and somewhat disturbing. Usually it's just a train of thought. My mind playing through endless scenarios of how life could be, could have been, and how I want it to be. But these passed few nights my mind gets bombarded with series after series of images. A thought pops into my mind and it doesn't play out how it usually does. It's still images of very specific things. No generalizing. And to be completely honest, I had a few disturbing thoughts. Some darker imagery and it was so vivid. Maybe it's just my mind trying to simulate some sort of REM state, maybe I'm losing it.

I have a great weekend planned regardless of sleeping or not and I really look forward to the concerts and parties. Can't let this little cloud block the sunshine. Love your life.