There can be so much emotion in simplicity. I always think about you way too much. As if you even care. You are that star shining in the night sky, winking at me, looming overhead, yet never acknowledging my presence. I blow a plume of smoke at you and the light you emit makes it turn blue, which is much more beautiful than the normal grey. Beauty is a rare commodity, it's not fair that some people can have so much, and others have none. Others sit at home and watch tv and drink beer and eat unhealthy food. Others feel sick, but they don't realize the human stench. But me, my feelings, my brain chemicals explode every day, firing synapses, chemicals running around in my brain doing things I can't even begin to understand and don't care to, wishing that there were something more. Something that could cause the ultimate melding of dual conciousnesses. Something that could make me do something beyond amazing. I'd take you to the park, lie with you each night and listen to ambient music, if you wanted. We could have been there together, so I would have had someone to complain to about the people smoking Pall Malls, and you would have agreed with me, because we would understand each other completely, and complete understanding of anything, no matter how small, is an incredible thing. There's such a sickening gap here, and I know what it is. But you don't. Maybe I'm psychotic. I was always told that I get too obsessed with things, no matter how trivial. Although this most certainly is not trivial. Maybe I drank too much. Maybe Brian Eno is fucking with my mind. Maybe the ability to form complex thoughts also leads to the ability of forming overly-complex and completely irrational thoughts. I miss you.
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This is pure stream of conciousness, don't think twice about it. I had a rough day today and I'm sorry.
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This is pure stream of conciousness, don't think twice about it. I had a rough day today and I'm sorry.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
about atmosphere- i marvel at how anyone could be so stupid to insult them too. but take comfort in the fact that he was schooled. slug told him to get onstage for a battle and the guy immediately shut up. i almost feel sorry for him cause he pretty much got laughed out of the place. "they're all gonna laugh at you!" but then i can't feel pity for such a blatant dumbass.
i agree, money is not the answer but it sure is nice to have. i feel like i've been a slave to poverty all my life and i feel like money=freedom in alot of ways. freedom to travel & buy things i'm interested in-- namely books, music, clothes, art, and (haha) videogames. also it's nice not to have to worry about if i have enough to cover necessities like food, rent, bills, blah blah blah. also i'm frustrated because i had to drop out of college to work 2 jobs to survive. daddy warbucks asked me why i wasn't in school and when i told him he just tsked his tongue, shook his head and said "we need to remedy that". i am capable of having a perfectly happy life WITHOUT money, but it would be so much easier with. i want to go on to bigger things than serving alcohol and at my other job, coffee. i don't want to sling beverages the rest of my life.
about the johnny cash video, i am not ashamed to admit that whenever i see it i cry. especially the first time, which was before he died, incidentally. i was getting work done on my sleeve and my friend looks up from the needle and says "this wasn't hurting a minute ago, why is it hurting now?" because i was wiping tears from my cheeks. it's so weird how the 2 different versions (nin and johnny) are exactly the same wording but they mean different things in different contexts. "everyone i know goes away in the end", "you can have it all, my empire of dirt". what a perfect song for him to sing right before he died, almost like he knew. now it makes me sad for another reason too. my ex boyfriend jumped in front of a train 3 days before johnny cash died and johnny cash was his favorite. another friend of mine said that days before that happened they sat in his truck and listened to johnny cash over and over while they smoked and talked about life.
anyway-- yes, i like jedi mind tricks too. i've heard it before but haven't gotten any of their cd's yet. i guess i should, though, since you like it and we share the same taste on nearly EVERYTHING ELSE. in fact, my friend dave was playing it in his car a while back and i asked who it was because i liked it, but i never got around to downloading it.
you know what i don't get? well, alot of things, but today the biggest one is people who go slower than the speed limit. i mean, if you are legally able to go faster then what, i ask, is the holdup? all day today i got stuck behind people going at least 10 miles below the maximum "recommended" speed. ha. maybe i should start slowing down more since i almost ran over a cop today. but it seems like everyone is on a fucking sunday drive around here. you ever take a ride with your grandparents and notice how they talk about the dumbest crap in the world, pointing out anything new or different because they have been together so long that they have already talked about everything under the sun at least 3 times over and they have to fill in the gap somehow?
"oh, look honey, they're building a new walgreens!" well, no shit. there is a walgreens on every corner. i see these people in cars ahead of me, models of my grandparents, heads bobbling around in the same stupefied fascination while i'm just trying to get from point a to point b without any fucking around. the driver's head seems to be connected to the brake pedal in such a way that when the head turns, the brake pedal is depressed and so on and so forth. they need their own lane. maybe i'm just too impatient while driving, but it doesn't help that i have a car with a badass little engine in it that just begs to be taken advantage of. very seductive, that engine.
science fiction is the shit.
as for the mirror image in opposite sexes, stranger things have happened....
I'd argue that there is a lot going on underneath the surface of FLCL, especially with the guitars. Good show. Eventually I'll get around to reading th manga.