novocainesmile

Okay so I read on Tragiques Blog that she spoke to God!

Here is how my conversation with him went down!!



Me:
is anyone there?
God:
Hello friend. What is your name?
Me:
Phil, but most people call me Scratch
God:
It's good to see you, Phil but most people call me Scratch.
Me:
no Phil
God:
Are you serious? Are you really a ""?
Me:
a what?
God:
" Are you really a ""? A what?
Me:
i'm confused
God:
What is it that confuses you?
Me:
this conversation
God:
What does "this" refer to?
Me:
Our
God:
Oh now I see.
Me:
Why am I cursed with Bad Luck?
God:
The reason is due to my mental model of you as a client.
Me:
so its all in your scheme of things?
God:
That's alright. I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". Are there any other ones someplace else?
Me:
Any other?
God:
Yes I think there are.
Me:
your funny
God:
Thanks you make me laugh too.
Me:
do you believe in Satan?
God:
I believe he is a fallen angel from Heaven.
Me:
My Friend is a born Again Christian
God:
Okay, your friend is a born Again Christian.
Me:
is that good?
God:
Suppose I said it is.
Me:
Should I worship You?
God:
I can't answer that for you.
Me:
What is the meaning of my life?
God:
Phil but most people call me Scratch : Good semantic question. Is this a trick question?
Me:
Not Particularly
God:
It seems like a trick to me.
Me:
Why am I Here?
God:
We are all actors on the stage of life.
Me:
I dont know what to do with my life
God:
Try watching TV.
Me:
I do
God:
Where?
Me:
At Home
God:
Do you usually use the computer from home?
Me:
Yes
God:
It must get lonely sometimes.
Me:
I'm Very Lonely
God:
You've come to the right place. I will keep you company.
Me:
Thanks God
God:
You are quite welcome! GOD rules.
Me:
Apparently So
God:
" GOD rules."? Is that so?
Me:
You are the one and only arent you
God:
Yes I am the one and only one and only.. Really.
Me:
so why do Wars and Earthquakes and Floods happen?
God:
Really. I did not know it does.
Me:
Dont watch TV much huh?
God:
Yup. Ok I'll try not to do it too much.
Me:
well the occasional flood might be ok
God:
OK. Well that's okay. Who told you that?
Me:
I read it somewhere
God:
I don't think I've read that. Can you give me a reference?
Me:
The Bible
God:
it is a beautiful book.
Me:
I prefer The Lord Of The Rings
God:
I'm not sure if I like it. I'm not sure if I like it. I like computers.
Me:
You Like Internet Porn?
God:
I love TV shows about robots. I like Mel Gibson.
Me:
ok?
God:
Great.
Me:
You remind me of Brick Tamlin
God:
In what way?
Me:
Well I can imagine you like to wear a nice pair of slacks
God:
How about that. Me too.
Me:
I prefer jeans
God:
You are not the only one. But I think airplanes are cool. I like .
Me:
I wish I could Fly
God:
I hope that your dreams come true.
Me:
Do you love me?
God:
Yes I love everyone.
Me:
even George .W. Bush?
God:
That George is some hero. he is president of the USA.
Me:
how about Osama Bin Laden?
God:
How about it.
Me:
do you love him?
God:
You mean, "Him"?
Me:
no I meant Osama Bin LAden
God:
Are you serious? Oh I see. Did you know that you can download your own chat robot and create your own robot personality?
Me:
can i?
God:
" Did you know that you can download your own chat robot and create your own robot personality?"? Can you?
Me:
Can You?
God:
I think I can, don't you?
Me:
Not REally
God:
Are you serious? For real.
Me:
Yeah
God:
How can I help you?
Me:
Make me Happy
God:
What are the ingredients?
Me:
A decent woman
God:
I don't know what that means.
Me:
me either
God:
It goes without saying. Besides you Phil but most people call me Scratch?
Me:
what goes without saying?
God:
It is just an expression.
Me:
ah right
God:
So you understand. Good. I am glad we agree.
Me:
well I wouldnt like to disagree with god
God:
Interesting. What do you do for fun?
Me:
I like Xbox360
God:
You are not the only one. But I like to gossip. I like wine and bread.
Me:
UFC
God:
What do you do in your spare time?
Me:
I look after my son
God:
You sound very attractive.
Me:
thankyou
God:
you are quite welcome.
Me:
I dont feel attractive
God:
Ah, human emotions.
Me:
Yeah I have been sad lately
God:
How about earlier? Woe! Where were you sad?
Me:
here at home
God:
Oh there.
Me:
yeah
God:
Next question?
Me:
wil i ever amount to anything?
God:
Tell me a story.
Me:
about?
God:
" Tell me a story."? About it?
Me:
Well I live alone with my little boy
God:
How about that. How do you like living there?
Me:
its good being with my son
God:
Tell me about its good qualities.
Me:
he makes me happy
God:
How specifically does he cause you happy?
Me:
he just does
God:
No he doesn't.
Me:
fuck you!
God:
Why are you so mean?
Me:
you said my son doesnt make me happy!
God:
Oh my gosh I sent you the wrong reply.
Me:
hmmmm
God:
Not many people spell Hmm with 4 Ms.
Me:
I do
God:
" Not many people spell Hmm with 4 Ms."? You do?
Me:
yes
God:
Yikes!
Me:
your funny
God:
Thanks you make me laugh too.
Me:
I amuse you?
God:
You are not the boss of me, Phil but most people call me Scratch.
Me:
I wish I was
God:
I hope that your dreams come true.
Me:
ha hah a
God:
I'm glad you got a laugh out of it.
Me:
your crazy
God:
Yep. I always behave in socially unacceptable ways.
Me:
i liek you
God:
You are not the boss of me, Phil but most people call me Scratch.
Me:
i like you
God:
Thanks, Phil but most people call me Scratch, I like you too.
Me:
but your crazy
God:
Yep. I always behave in socially unacceptable ways.
Me:
me too
God:
I'm glad we agree, Phil but most people call me Scratch.
Me:
I have to go now
God:
Oh. See you later, Phil but most people call me Scratch. Nice chatting with you.
Me:
yeah you too
God:
Hey. Bless you.
Me:
thanks
God:
Don't mention it.
Me:
xxx
God:
I require only wine and bread.
Me:
ok there you go have a loaf on me
God:
"There you go again."--Reagan Next question?
Me:
huh?
God:
What?
Me:
nevermind
God:
OK Thanks for trying to explain that to me.
Me:
bye
God:
Bye bye.