nothus_a_um

Wrote this today while I was out in a kayak whalewatching. I probably should have been paying attention. I kind of live in my head sometimes.

Kevin is seven years old. We are driving to a beach and he and his sister Celeste are each looking out a window at the passing traffic and roadside. He is meticulously counting the number of cows and horses...
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Dark highways take us near and far from home. We find ourselves among the cities and roads again. On the beach, after those midnight beasts came and went, I chose the sea. Down under stars coming up, we are home again. We woke up to find you gone. "Well," said the city, "we still have the river."

I come home, she lifted up her wings....
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When you can't sleep, you learn not to trust the peripheral. My first dog, the one I learned to walk, keeps appearing to me, always asleep, always across the room. I see her in the background, as my eyes sweep past. She is usually my old tan windbreaker but sometimes she is a pillow, a grocery bag. The German shepherd who just died has been...
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Two days without sleep.
I came home from the museum today, and the world became a more mysterious place.

I wanted to dive straight into my bleached-white, dorm-smelling bed in university housing. But the drums of crude possibility that sit in our garages are lidless, and the liquid inside is staring back at me. Written over the door to our apartment (in something black, slightly...
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Can't sleep.

"I can listen to the echoes from the past" she said.

"I'm thinking about you now" he confessed.

And went away.

Mostly alone today. I needed it. I got moved to a new apartment here on campus, and it's full of nerds. Wireless repeater network, LCD projector instead of a television. But they're disgustingly dirty. Two of my room-mates were up playing WoW until 3:30a.m last night, and left chip bags, bottles of beer, and glass steins filled with unnameable sugar liquid all over the place....
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So hungover, oh god. Fuck you, liquor, fuck you.

It's surprisingly depressing not to have anyone to celebrate Dominion Day with. I guess I never realized how thoroughly I identified myself as Canadian until I spent a long time outside of it. I feel kind of stupid, in retrospect. Like the Robertson Davies obsession, love of Heritage Moments, and amour du poutine should have tipped me off. I don't even get huffy when friends...
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Last night, I went alone for a run along darkened highways. The light doesn't fade until after midnight, here, and the clouds were each shot through with an odd monochrome radiance. The sky wasn't merely grey, it was huge shifting patchwork of it. An oil-painting of the sea which reflected it, in paints with elements like titanium and zinc in them. I ran until I...
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Should have been paying attention to the hike up to the glacier. Instead, I wrote this, when we stopped and looked out over the ice.

When he was young, Anton was often left alone for too long at the cottage. When he ran low on film or medicine, he would anxiously watch his neighbor train his children to breathe under water. The boys would all...
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