First of all, I must state that the SG dinner event (April 26, Columbus Ohio, at the Spice bar) was AWESOME and I had so much fun that I can only remember the first half! Unfortunately, I didn't make it home in one piece (well figuratively speaking). I'm not 100% clear on what exactly went on that past after about midnight, but I have a theory: I think I MAY have been gang raped by a colony of smurfs (smurves?). 
My tee shirt being the evidence, it appears that smurves give off an extraordinarily flourescent bright blue semen, which tastes of pineapple and coconut. While I'm sure it must have tasted great on sunday I must have drank a LOT of smurf semen, because, today (Monday) I am actually experiencing what can only be described as taste-flashbacks where at random times throughout the day I experience an extremely brief, yet vivid, unmistakibly smurfy flash of pineapple and coconut flavor upon the back of my tongue...While I'm sure everyone who reads this is probably thinking "this guy just got gang banged by a colony of smurfs, why the hell is he blogging about how it tasted!?!?!?" Well, as it turns out, I apparently bit my tongue HARD when this whole fiasco took place (not to mention nearly broke my tail bone falling backwards onto cement), and I believe some of the smurf juice may have found its way inside my tongue, and is intermittently leaking back into my mouth.
P.S. - Update! Thanks to usedupfool, who single-handedly tracked down Gang-bang Smurf, kicked his ass (which just happened to mean a roundhouse kick to the face), and recovered my wallet and blackberry (turns out the smurf stole them when I was passed out on the concrete).
P.P.S. - I'm now realizing that I might have just been drunk, and a little high.
P.P.P.S - As it turns out, the bar was giving out a special drink called "Smurf Semen" that night that perhaps this (and not an actual smurf) was the culprit the whole time! Despite this, I think the original explanation still holds: I was indeed gang banged by the alcohol, and might not drink quite as much next time.
My tee shirt being the evidence, it appears that smurves give off an extraordinarily flourescent bright blue semen, which tastes of pineapple and coconut. While I'm sure it must have tasted great on sunday I must have drank a LOT of smurf semen, because, today (Monday) I am actually experiencing what can only be described as taste-flashbacks where at random times throughout the day I experience an extremely brief, yet vivid, unmistakibly smurfy flash of pineapple and coconut flavor upon the back of my tongue...While I'm sure everyone who reads this is probably thinking "this guy just got gang banged by a colony of smurfs, why the hell is he blogging about how it tasted!?!?!?" Well, as it turns out, I apparently bit my tongue HARD when this whole fiasco took place (not to mention nearly broke my tail bone falling backwards onto cement), and I believe some of the smurf juice may have found its way inside my tongue, and is intermittently leaking back into my mouth.
P.S. - Update! Thanks to usedupfool, who single-handedly tracked down Gang-bang Smurf, kicked his ass (which just happened to mean a roundhouse kick to the face), and recovered my wallet and blackberry (turns out the smurf stole them when I was passed out on the concrete).
P.P.S. - I'm now realizing that I might have just been drunk, and a little high.
P.P.P.S - As it turns out, the bar was giving out a special drink called "Smurf Semen" that night that perhaps this (and not an actual smurf) was the culprit the whole time! Despite this, I think the original explanation still holds: I was indeed gang banged by the alcohol, and might not drink quite as much next time.
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
when you guy's coming up this way to see where I dwell
I never did trust those Smurfs...they seemed too nice and had to be up to something sinister.