northstar

It's hard to stand next to you...
It's funny to hear your words come out of my mouth. Bitterness and years of pent up emotion exploded last night and not in a good way.

Bipolar apologies and surprise forgiveness.

It's hard to stand next to you because when we hug I don't want to let go. I can't.
My hands want to wander and claim you as my own as you've always been.
My incessant need to touch and have you touch me with that look in your eye.
The knowing but resigning look.
I can't help but have my hands in your pockets dreaming of old days when we used to sit, stoned and watch movies; when we used to lie in my sister's bed and mumble about how much we loved one another; when you pulled me so close our hips were a part of each other.

"I'm sorry" you said, "I just wanted to hold you."

It's funny that our excuses are the same. Apologies as a means to make it alright although we both know we're trying to appease the voice that knows how really wrong we are.

i wanted to rip you apart last night the way you tear me apart everytime we talk. Intentional? Highly doubtful.
Meaningful and possibly justified? maybe.



who knows.
months of mania have caught up with me.

karma always kicks me in the ass.
story of my fucking life.