northstar

i have a feeling that this is going to be a big one but hoping the bulk of it will be pictures. i got off my ass and finally edited a ton of pictures (literally running back and forth between 2 computers; one that edits but has no internerd and the other that has internerd but is too fucked up to support editing). thank jebus for memory sticks.

a few quick comments before i get started:
* its effing freezing in my apartment. hooray for tea kettles.
* my roommate waxed my legs yesterday... smoothest legs ever and for 3 whole weeks? remind me why i haven't done this before?
* i love my friend ben. he was set on going on a piercing date yesterday. pay day isn't until friday but he paid the $100 to get me pierced. what a sweetie.
* i got my hair cut last week. i think it slightly resembles a mullet but my roommate assures me that it doesn't. meh.
* i've been having strange dreams again. i'm not quite sure why. i've been sleeping on my couch as of late. long story but it involves critters scurrying around in my bedroom wall, 4 holes and mothballs to fumigate that little bastard out. its stinky... hence sleeping on the couch. toxic old lady fumes getting to me? maybe.
* i think i have a crush on a boy.

k here we go. as i may have mentioned before, when i smokey smokey tha ganja i have a tendency/compulsion to write/scribble/verbally vomit on some sort of an absorbant surface usually paper but occasionally scrapes of wood, plastic, cloth or in last nights case... paper towel. its my outline of whats been going on the last little while. this is what it says. keep in mind coherence is OVERRATED.

i miss this.
"What I'm Trying to Say" - Stars
other news: visitors
-L
-A
-missing K
myspace: aka fuckchicks.com vs lavalife
is this what meeting new people is coming down to?
note: i love earl grea tea and sharpies
new job: ICU is well... intense.
learning
poster of a girl: SG, pics, self-confidence vs mania
trying to find a balance & where i belong
evaluating vs reinventing old relationships
downsizing to what's important
cereal out of a mug
apple ghetto pipe
kelly clarkson
clove cigarettes
getting drunk for free @ home

random yes. but i'll explain.
last night instead of going out and drinking my wifey and i

stayed at home and got drunk for free, smoking cracklely (sp?) clove cigarettes and bowls out of an makeshift pipe made out of an apple.


further indulging in kelly clarkson's since you've been gone. ya, ya. you know you love singing it at the top of your lungs. its a guilty pleasure. deal with it. i do.

onward. i miss the feelings explored in these lyrics.

You look so good in the clothes of a poser
And when you smiled all the kids fell apart here
I know a place where it's warm and it's dry, dear
Let me take you there

North of the river all the streets are the same
We can pretend that they don't know our name
And the heat is turned all the way to full
So don't pretend that you don't feel the pull

I am trying to say
What I want to say
Without having to say
"I love you"

You look so good in the shoes of an outcast
I kissed your throat every time they said it wouldn't last
But then I knew you, I knew you, I knew you
I really knew you

We fell apart in the parties of the empty heart
We danced the junkies in the shadows of bad modern art
We clicked our heels and we wished we were home
One more tab and your silk hits the chrome

I am trying to say
What I want to say
Without having to say
"I love you"

Springs comes in when I'm rolling up another one
I draw the curtains in the glare of the same old sun
We are collapsed in the act of just being here
Three blues, two greens and a beer...
We are collapsed in the act of just being here
Three blues, two greens and a beer...

I am trying to say
What I want to say
Without having to say
"I love you"

yesss. other news: february has been the month for visitors. my really good friend since elementary school came up and stayed for a few days. smoked too many drugs and giggled a hell of a lot.





after she left, my sister flew in from halifax for about 10 days. my parents came for a visit that first weekend she was here as well. sweet get together with the fam. highlights: delicious dinners, adventures at the war museum, my father choking at the prices of groceries and skating on the canal.











my friend kevin was going to make an appearance this week in ottawa but decided against it.

recent addictions: i hate admitting it but myspace. *cringe* a friend of mine refers to it as "fuckchicks.com". my roommate also decided to sign up for this lavalife thing. kind of as a joke, but also kind of a way to meet some new people. my question is ... is this what meeting people is coming down to? the internerd? it kind of creeps me out. i won't lie. but then again... here i am at SG doing the same thing. huh. we're reduced to a picture and a profile. it kind of seems sad to me for some reason. but clearly i'll get over it.

i've been reflecting a lot lately on the people and relationships in my life. evaluating whether certain ones are worth the emotional and physical effort and renewing the ones that are. im terrible at keeping in touch in case anyone's noticed. im trying to downsize and keep my life simple. more emotional stress is something i DO NOT need at this point in my life.

i've been encouraged again recently to apply for SG. right now im leaning more towards yes but i want to figure out if its actual self confidence or frequent bouts of mania that's motivating me. hmm.. we'll see. it seems the hardest part of my life lately is finding some sort of balance between being incredibly manic and lows that somehow get lower every time. they're less frequent but like i said... get worse every time. please don't misunderstand, i don't get suicidal. the thought has never crossed my mind. even when im at my worst. its the overwhelming apathy that i despise. i hate feeling that way and i hate settling with a feeling thats very difficult to get rid of. so yes... balance is what i crave but extrapolating a comment Dyme made... maybe balance is boring.
again... i guess we'll see.

chya. sorry this was so long.

other random pictures.

the real reason we're both single:


my wifey is also a chick magnet:


two of the many reasons why i love her:


tits... well one tit for Anberlin, Chanel, Gardimus and trucksandtrains:


new piercing:


fin.
finally.