Foaming At The Mouth
The Downward Spiral
Entropy. That has become the defining element of my life. As recently as June, I was hardcore into the whole health and fitness thing, not just working out at the gym but my 'intake' as well. I counted every calorie, took supplements, and even pursued prescriptions to get the most out of my body. When the health insurance ended and I didn't have money to feed my GNC habit, I sort of lost my dedication.
Now I'm drinking like a fish and eating garbage. I used to reproach myself if I ate some extra melba toast, now I'm chowing down on ice cream and cheese like there's no tomorrow. To be sure I love food, particularly rich food. But it's such a bummer to have lost the dedication I had. Especially 'cause I was seeing some benefit from it. I was getting in better shape, I was stronger, it was so great.
It's just too easy to focus on the short-term. Enjoying a big box of macaroni & cheese, spending the day staying drunk on vodka. One of the real killers was that I got some work at a bar in Wrigleyville. Working at a bar means drinking. I also got the benefit of the kitchen, eating beer-battered onion rings and sliders. The worst part is the fact that I know I'm not hungry, but eating anyway. The stomach doesn't want food but the brain does. If I eat some junk food, my brain will produce dopamine and that's what I was getting out of it. You've heard of buyer's remorse? I have eater's remorse.
When I get back to work, I can get back on the supplements and prescriptions. At least that's what I keep telling myself.
The Downward Spiral
Entropy. That has become the defining element of my life. As recently as June, I was hardcore into the whole health and fitness thing, not just working out at the gym but my 'intake' as well. I counted every calorie, took supplements, and even pursued prescriptions to get the most out of my body. When the health insurance ended and I didn't have money to feed my GNC habit, I sort of lost my dedication.
Now I'm drinking like a fish and eating garbage. I used to reproach myself if I ate some extra melba toast, now I'm chowing down on ice cream and cheese like there's no tomorrow. To be sure I love food, particularly rich food. But it's such a bummer to have lost the dedication I had. Especially 'cause I was seeing some benefit from it. I was getting in better shape, I was stronger, it was so great.
It's just too easy to focus on the short-term. Enjoying a big box of macaroni & cheese, spending the day staying drunk on vodka. One of the real killers was that I got some work at a bar in Wrigleyville. Working at a bar means drinking. I also got the benefit of the kitchen, eating beer-battered onion rings and sliders. The worst part is the fact that I know I'm not hungry, but eating anyway. The stomach doesn't want food but the brain does. If I eat some junk food, my brain will produce dopamine and that's what I was getting out of it. You've heard of buyer's remorse? I have eater's remorse.
When I get back to work, I can get back on the supplements and prescriptions. At least that's what I keep telling myself.
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
it's not like I am going to get a group of unattractive girls together and start a burlesque troop though..that would make me unhappy