Remember me?
I know I've been away for a long time, but I'm amazed it's actually been more than 3 months since I've posted a blog entry. Yikes!
I'll be honest, I was feeling like crap. Very depressed. I'm feeling somewhat better, but mostly just really blah. Seriously, blah is a good word for it. I feel like I have almost no emotional ups or downs these days. Just blah.
Let's catch up on things in my life, and I swear I'll try to keep it short.
As you may recall, in June my wonderful cat died, very suddenly, of something akin to a stroke. She was in great health, but the vet said it may have been genetic. Then in July I turned 40. And I usually barely notice my birthdays, but I guess 40 is a milestone age. So it seemed to hit me hard when I see that my life is nothing like I want it to be, nothing like how I planned it on being. In September my brother welcomed his son Jax into the world. Of course, I'm thrilled for him, but it means I'm the only one in my family to not have kids now. And as you probably know, I want kids more than anything else in the world.
From feeling better than I've felt in years during the first part of the year, I sunk fast and hard.
I'm not going to waste your time bitching and moaning about how awful I've been feeling, but as my absence has demonstrated, when I feel crappy, I tend to withdraw socially. And considering I'm not the most socialable person around, that means I virtually stop talking to almost everyone.
My counsellor thought it might be due to my new nephew. That maybe I was really hit hard by the idea that I may never have children. I can understand that view, but it didn't seem to really be the problem.
Then a couple months ago I saw an ad from the local animal shelter saying that they had a surplus of kittens for adoption. I perked right up. I know this probably sounds either sad or pathetic, or both, but when I saw that ad, I knew that my biggest problem moodwise was not having anything/anyone to come home to, to talk to, to cuddle with. Even if it's just a cat.
I went to the shelter, held a couple kittens, found one that seemed quite happy being held by me, and adopted him.
He's now called Taz. Short for Tazmanian devil, like the cartoon character. He spins around frantically trying to catch his own tail. One time, he scared the crap out of me when I heard him screech. The dummy had caught his tail and bitten himself too hard.
He's cute. Mostly friendly. He sleeps with me most nights, which is a great thing.
But he scratches me a lot. I have marks all over my hand. He doesn't seem to do it intentionally, at least not most of the time. But he doesn't seem to realize that he can keep his claws in when he's swatting at me. Thankfully, he seems to be doing it less often now.
Unfortunately, I had to return him to the shelter twice. He had really bad diahrrea. Eventually they got him on some medication that cleared it up. But it was very frustrating and upsetting. I felt like I couldn't let myself get attached to him, in case he was really sick and I wouldn't be able to keep him.
As I said, he's now fine, and we've bonded. But it was bad at the time, because I couldn't let myself feel really happy with him because of it.
In other news, I have a new computer. My last computer died, but thankfully I was able to transfer almost everything to an external drive before it finally gave up. It's a nice desktop. It was on sale at Staples because they were clearing their stock of Vista PC's after Windows 7 came out. But the nice thing is that it came with a free upgrade to Windows 7 anyway. I finally got the disk yesterday and installed it. Seems to be working fine. Fingers crossed.
Of course, I now owe my mom for the computer. 50 bucks a month until it's paid for. If I hadn't been able to put it on her credit card, I would have been computer-less.
But just to screw me, my trusty Palm Tungsten PDA isn't compatible with it, and checking the Palm website tells me that they think my Palm is so old that they no longer bother to support it. So I got the only PDA-like device I could (barely) afford, an iPod Touch. Palm still sells a couple straight-PDA's, but they're priced well beyond my means. Everybody else had smartphones. I can't possibly afford a smartphone, be it an iPhone, a Blackberry, Android, or Palm. I don't use a cell phone. And I can't afford the monthly fees they charge anyway. But I like having a tiny device that holds all my life on it.
The iPod Touch is nice. I was pleasantly surprised that the virtual keyboard works well, even with my huge fingers. The one thing I have to say to Apple is don't brag about the fact that there are 100,000 apps for the iPhone (and iPod Touch). Have you ever looked at the apps? Most of them are worthless. I'd rather have a smaller selection of apps, but have them be worthwhile.
As I said, my brother and his wife had a son. Jaxon, or Jax for short. I've now been down to Mississauga three times and seen him. I've got a few photos, so I'll try to post them.
It's almost Christmas. I think that's what's finally gotten me to post an update. I really enjoy Christmas. I love giving gifts. And eating rich foods.
Here's a video I'll share with you for Christmas.
It's by Garfunkel and Oates. "Present Face", about that unique look on your face you get when you open that gift you don't like.
As a few of you know, I really enjoy mash-ups. You know, where two or more songs are combined to create something new.
In the spirit of Christmas, here's where you can download two compilation albums of Christmas mash-ups.
http://www.bootieusa.com/xmas/
And another where you can download a whole bunch.
http://santastic4.com/collection/
In case you're wondering - they're all free to download.
Finally (see! I kept it short), I'm going to make an honest effort to catch up on everybody's blogs. I apologize for being so far behind with everyone. I really feel very guilty, like I've failed as a friend. I know that's not normal. I know most people, if they miss a few entries in someone's blog, just read and comment on the current one, and get on with life. But I feel bad doing that. Which means that I then find myself in the situation I'm in now, being months behind and having to catch up. I'll do my best.
If I don't talk to you soon, Merry Christmas!! Happy New Year!!
I know I've been away for a long time, but I'm amazed it's actually been more than 3 months since I've posted a blog entry. Yikes!
I'll be honest, I was feeling like crap. Very depressed. I'm feeling somewhat better, but mostly just really blah. Seriously, blah is a good word for it. I feel like I have almost no emotional ups or downs these days. Just blah.
Let's catch up on things in my life, and I swear I'll try to keep it short.
As you may recall, in June my wonderful cat died, very suddenly, of something akin to a stroke. She was in great health, but the vet said it may have been genetic. Then in July I turned 40. And I usually barely notice my birthdays, but I guess 40 is a milestone age. So it seemed to hit me hard when I see that my life is nothing like I want it to be, nothing like how I planned it on being. In September my brother welcomed his son Jax into the world. Of course, I'm thrilled for him, but it means I'm the only one in my family to not have kids now. And as you probably know, I want kids more than anything else in the world.
From feeling better than I've felt in years during the first part of the year, I sunk fast and hard.
I'm not going to waste your time bitching and moaning about how awful I've been feeling, but as my absence has demonstrated, when I feel crappy, I tend to withdraw socially. And considering I'm not the most socialable person around, that means I virtually stop talking to almost everyone.
My counsellor thought it might be due to my new nephew. That maybe I was really hit hard by the idea that I may never have children. I can understand that view, but it didn't seem to really be the problem.
Then a couple months ago I saw an ad from the local animal shelter saying that they had a surplus of kittens for adoption. I perked right up. I know this probably sounds either sad or pathetic, or both, but when I saw that ad, I knew that my biggest problem moodwise was not having anything/anyone to come home to, to talk to, to cuddle with. Even if it's just a cat.
I went to the shelter, held a couple kittens, found one that seemed quite happy being held by me, and adopted him.
He's now called Taz. Short for Tazmanian devil, like the cartoon character. He spins around frantically trying to catch his own tail. One time, he scared the crap out of me when I heard him screech. The dummy had caught his tail and bitten himself too hard.
He's cute. Mostly friendly. He sleeps with me most nights, which is a great thing.
But he scratches me a lot. I have marks all over my hand. He doesn't seem to do it intentionally, at least not most of the time. But he doesn't seem to realize that he can keep his claws in when he's swatting at me. Thankfully, he seems to be doing it less often now.
Unfortunately, I had to return him to the shelter twice. He had really bad diahrrea. Eventually they got him on some medication that cleared it up. But it was very frustrating and upsetting. I felt like I couldn't let myself get attached to him, in case he was really sick and I wouldn't be able to keep him.
As I said, he's now fine, and we've bonded. But it was bad at the time, because I couldn't let myself feel really happy with him because of it.
In other news, I have a new computer. My last computer died, but thankfully I was able to transfer almost everything to an external drive before it finally gave up. It's a nice desktop. It was on sale at Staples because they were clearing their stock of Vista PC's after Windows 7 came out. But the nice thing is that it came with a free upgrade to Windows 7 anyway. I finally got the disk yesterday and installed it. Seems to be working fine. Fingers crossed.
Of course, I now owe my mom for the computer. 50 bucks a month until it's paid for. If I hadn't been able to put it on her credit card, I would have been computer-less.
But just to screw me, my trusty Palm Tungsten PDA isn't compatible with it, and checking the Palm website tells me that they think my Palm is so old that they no longer bother to support it. So I got the only PDA-like device I could (barely) afford, an iPod Touch. Palm still sells a couple straight-PDA's, but they're priced well beyond my means. Everybody else had smartphones. I can't possibly afford a smartphone, be it an iPhone, a Blackberry, Android, or Palm. I don't use a cell phone. And I can't afford the monthly fees they charge anyway. But I like having a tiny device that holds all my life on it.
The iPod Touch is nice. I was pleasantly surprised that the virtual keyboard works well, even with my huge fingers. The one thing I have to say to Apple is don't brag about the fact that there are 100,000 apps for the iPhone (and iPod Touch). Have you ever looked at the apps? Most of them are worthless. I'd rather have a smaller selection of apps, but have them be worthwhile.
As I said, my brother and his wife had a son. Jaxon, or Jax for short. I've now been down to Mississauga three times and seen him. I've got a few photos, so I'll try to post them.
It's almost Christmas. I think that's what's finally gotten me to post an update. I really enjoy Christmas. I love giving gifts. And eating rich foods.
Here's a video I'll share with you for Christmas.
It's by Garfunkel and Oates. "Present Face", about that unique look on your face you get when you open that gift you don't like.
As a few of you know, I really enjoy mash-ups. You know, where two or more songs are combined to create something new.
In the spirit of Christmas, here's where you can download two compilation albums of Christmas mash-ups.
http://www.bootieusa.com/xmas/
And another where you can download a whole bunch.
http://santastic4.com/collection/
In case you're wondering - they're all free to download.
Finally (see! I kept it short), I'm going to make an honest effort to catch up on everybody's blogs. I apologize for being so far behind with everyone. I really feel very guilty, like I've failed as a friend. I know that's not normal. I know most people, if they miss a few entries in someone's blog, just read and comment on the current one, and get on with life. But I feel bad doing that. Which means that I then find myself in the situation I'm in now, being months behind and having to catch up. I'll do my best.
If I don't talk to you soon, Merry Christmas!! Happy New Year!!
VIEW 25 of 30 COMMENTS
atticstar:
yes i figured as such...but i didn't want to break any hearts just in case someone did renew it for me
mentalrage:
Hey how's things you've been rather quiet as of late.