northern

Guess who?

Yes, it's me, with an update.

I was due for an update, not only because it's been a month since my last entry, but also because I was tired of how downbeat the last entry was.

If you missed it, I was going through a much darker depression than usual.

Thankfully, I was able to get to see my psychiatrist and he changed my anti-depressant.

Yes, another one.

After the exhaustion of Effexor and Zoloft, and the angry mood of Wellbutrin, I was taking Mertazipine, which seemed to make my depression even worse.

I'm now taking Nortriptyline, which is actually an old drug, around for decades.

And, thank God, it seems to be working.

And I'm still only taking half the dose I'm working up to.




On a sad note, my grandmother (my mom's mom) died just before Christmas.

She was my last grandparent.

She was 96, frail, and suffering from dementia.

But she was usually happy, even if she had no idea who anyone was.

I saw her for her birthday last year. Actually a bunch of us went to see her.

And I'm glad I had my camera with me.

She was so funny. And over the last few years, with the help I'm sure of the anti-depressants they had her on, she had come out of her shell.

She showed off her piano playing skills for us, which is funny because she didn't know how to play, but she had fun.

The meds also seemed to bring out her libido.

She was always pawing any male within reach, which was both uncomfortable and hilarious.

My mom and aunt agree that my grandma was never like that, even when she was younger.

But there were several occassions when my aunt would visit and find her holding hands with her 'boyfriend'.

And not even the same guy each time.

She even got resentful and jealous of the wives of the guys.

Pretty funny.

Anyways, my aunt and uncle visited her on a Saturday, for the Christmas party at the home and she was happy.

On the Monday morning she was eating breakfast, choked on a piece of toast, and had a stroke.





My mom and went down to Welland (near Niagara Falls) for the funeral.

The Friday of the funeral there was a major blizzard.

And I mean major. People were comparing it to a blizzard from 1977.

Surprisely people showed up for the service.

We did the whole thing at the funeral home, instead of going to the cemetary.

My brother and I were pall bearers.

The service was short. It was conducted by an Anglican priest, though religion was light.

But though he's Anglican and Canadian, he had this annoying habit of saying Jee-SUS.

He sounded like a southern evangelist whenever he said that.

My aunt wrote a short eulogy, but had the priest read it because she didn't think she could.

It gave a brief history of her life, and had a very sweet ending.

Something to the effect of her being happy that she was being carried by six handsome men as her pallbearers.

There were actually about 25 to 30 people, which was a lot considering both the weather and that my grandmother outlived most of the people she knew.

I got to meet a couple relatives that I knew of, but had either never met, or only met as a child so I have no memory of meeting. And I saw a couple cousins I haven't seen in years.

Because of the weather, my brother and his wife stayed with us at my aunt and uncles.

As my brother pointed out, it was nice to be with family during the holidays because that doesn't normally happen with us.

Yes, it's sad that my grandmother died, but at the same time, it wasn't much of a surprise.




I spent a couple days over Christmas at my mom's. Yes, she lives half a block from me, but it's the thought that counts I guess.

I also spent a couple days over New Years there too.

And thankfully my mom finally has a computer, so I was able to go online.

I don't have a laptop, and it's a pain to be without internet for a few days.

But what made it great was that I made a new friend.

She appeared out of nowhere to leave a comment for me wishing me happy holidays.

The weird thing is that neither of us has any idea how we came across each other. I know I've seen her profile before, but you know me, I'm usually either too shy to say hi, or too absent to say anything.

But we exchanged numerous comments and messages.

I really really like her.

But then we chatted through instant messaging.

I don't usually use IM programs because for some reason I always feel like I'm boring the hell out of the other person and losing their interest to whoever else they're chatting with.

So that was a bit of a downer, but I'm still feeling better than I did a month ago.

I'm starting to re-emerge from my shell, and I'm hoping I keep doing that.

If I haven't talked to you in a long time, I apologize, and thank you for sticking with me. I'm doing my best to catch up with everyone, but I'm really behind.





I even starting to revisit my accounts at dating sites.

As depressed as I frequently get, I'm always the eternal optimist.

I keep hoping to find someone. I'm sure they're out there. I just have really bad luck. But I haven't given up yet.

Plus, to be honest, the meds seemed to have revived my sex drive. I'll just leave that at that.




Hope this somewhat happier feeling continues.