Wow!
Long time, no see eh?
I haven't written an entry in over a month, and I haven't read people's blogs since Christmas.
I spend most of my time laying on my couch, drifting in and out of sleep.
If you haven't read my last entry, go back and read it (it's brief) so you'll know what I'm talking about.
Here's the update on me medically. I'll make it as quick as possible, if only because it's frustrating and I'm tired.
I saw my psychiatrist a few weeks ago and he's certain that my lethargy isn't due to the meds, though he did reduce the dose of one of them, since I have lost an awful lot of weight since they were prescribed. I've been taking the new dose for a month now, and it hasn't changed my energy level.
He's also certain that it's not my depression causing the tiredness.
Which is a relief to some extent, since I was certain it wasn't the depression either.
He looked at the results of my blood work and it's not any of the types of anemia, and it's not my thyroid either.
That ticks me off, since those would be easy to diagnose and treat.
I was talking with my counsellor about it, since my fatigue now rules my life.
Back in December of 2003 I had weight loss surgery - gastric band (or lap-band).
(As an aside, if you're wondering, banding, unlike bypass, doesn't affect the absorbtion of nutrients, so that's not it either).
Anyways, in the weeks before the surgery, I had a few tests done, including an EKG and a sleep study.
Those showed something slightly off with my heart (long Q waves - whatever that means) so I was sent for an echocardiogram, basically an ultrasound of the heart.
No one said anything about the results, so I showed up for my surgery. Before having it, I asked the anesthesiologist (since she had requested the tests) what the echocardiogram showed. She said that my heart was slightly enlarged, but that wasn't uncommon for someone morbidly obese, and it wasn't something I should worry about.
So I didn't.
Now that I'm progressively more and more fatigued, and trying to figure out why, I'm starting to worry about it.
Someone I know here in town had started getting fatigued a few years ago and after a bunch of tests, it was determined that his heart was actually growing.
Medication didn't work, and he was very lucky to get a heart transplant last year.
But he was close to death, and if it weren't for the transplant, he would have died by now. They were actually close to taking him off the list because he was getting so weak.
Now, honestly, I don't normally think I have every disease I hear about. But it did get me thinking.
I mentioned it to my counsellor, and he agreed that if nothing else, there was no harm in asking for another echocardiogram, just to see if there had been a change.
I should remind you that at this point, my family doctor was still not taking new appointments.
So I went to the Emergency room again, and got a requisition for an echocardiogram.
It's a long wait, but I finally go this Thursday for it.
And I finally got an appointment with my family doctor. I called on Feb. 19 - the earliest he can see me is Mar. 20.
Yes, seeing your doctor (if you have one) is a major pain in a small, isolated town. Thank God we have a full general hospital.
So for the last few weeks I've been worrying that maybe there's something wrong with my heart.
I've been worrying that I'm going to die.
I've been thinking about how to say goodbye to people.
Yeah, very depressing.
Almost as depressing is the idea that if it's NOT my heart, then what the hell is making me so tired?
I'd hate to be given the diagnosis of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.
That would basically mean - yes, we know you're tired all the time, and we actually agree it's not psychological, but we have no idea what's causing it, so there's no treatment.
Anyways, life is very frustrating and worrisome right now.
I've been neglecting everything and everyone, mostly because I'm asleep most of the time.
As far as catching up with everybody's blogs, I'm hoping to make the effort over the next little while. Keyword is 'hoping' - no promises.
I'm trying to force myself to do stuff whenever I get a little bit of energy, so that I make the best of whatever energy I manage to have.
Talk to you... sometime!
P.S. - I'm not exactly apologizing for not keeping in touch. As I've told many of you over the two years I've been here, I know that sometimes life gets in the way, and it's hard to keep in touch. But the simple fact is that while I like everybody whose blogs I normally comment on, a few of you have become very dear to me, and regardless of the fact that our friendship is 'just' online, it doesn't mean it's not real. Some of you are very special to me, and I'd hate to lose you as a friend, and I hate that I haven't even had the energy to read your blogs and find out how your life is going.
Long time, no see eh?
I haven't written an entry in over a month, and I haven't read people's blogs since Christmas.
I spend most of my time laying on my couch, drifting in and out of sleep.
If you haven't read my last entry, go back and read it (it's brief) so you'll know what I'm talking about.
Here's the update on me medically. I'll make it as quick as possible, if only because it's frustrating and I'm tired.
I saw my psychiatrist a few weeks ago and he's certain that my lethargy isn't due to the meds, though he did reduce the dose of one of them, since I have lost an awful lot of weight since they were prescribed. I've been taking the new dose for a month now, and it hasn't changed my energy level.
He's also certain that it's not my depression causing the tiredness.
Which is a relief to some extent, since I was certain it wasn't the depression either.
He looked at the results of my blood work and it's not any of the types of anemia, and it's not my thyroid either.
That ticks me off, since those would be easy to diagnose and treat.
I was talking with my counsellor about it, since my fatigue now rules my life.
Back in December of 2003 I had weight loss surgery - gastric band (or lap-band).
(As an aside, if you're wondering, banding, unlike bypass, doesn't affect the absorbtion of nutrients, so that's not it either).
Anyways, in the weeks before the surgery, I had a few tests done, including an EKG and a sleep study.
Those showed something slightly off with my heart (long Q waves - whatever that means) so I was sent for an echocardiogram, basically an ultrasound of the heart.
No one said anything about the results, so I showed up for my surgery. Before having it, I asked the anesthesiologist (since she had requested the tests) what the echocardiogram showed. She said that my heart was slightly enlarged, but that wasn't uncommon for someone morbidly obese, and it wasn't something I should worry about.
So I didn't.
Now that I'm progressively more and more fatigued, and trying to figure out why, I'm starting to worry about it.
Someone I know here in town had started getting fatigued a few years ago and after a bunch of tests, it was determined that his heart was actually growing.
Medication didn't work, and he was very lucky to get a heart transplant last year.
But he was close to death, and if it weren't for the transplant, he would have died by now. They were actually close to taking him off the list because he was getting so weak.
Now, honestly, I don't normally think I have every disease I hear about. But it did get me thinking.
I mentioned it to my counsellor, and he agreed that if nothing else, there was no harm in asking for another echocardiogram, just to see if there had been a change.
I should remind you that at this point, my family doctor was still not taking new appointments.
So I went to the Emergency room again, and got a requisition for an echocardiogram.
It's a long wait, but I finally go this Thursday for it.
And I finally got an appointment with my family doctor. I called on Feb. 19 - the earliest he can see me is Mar. 20.
Yes, seeing your doctor (if you have one) is a major pain in a small, isolated town. Thank God we have a full general hospital.
So for the last few weeks I've been worrying that maybe there's something wrong with my heart.
I've been worrying that I'm going to die.
I've been thinking about how to say goodbye to people.
Yeah, very depressing.
Almost as depressing is the idea that if it's NOT my heart, then what the hell is making me so tired?
I'd hate to be given the diagnosis of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.
That would basically mean - yes, we know you're tired all the time, and we actually agree it's not psychological, but we have no idea what's causing it, so there's no treatment.
Anyways, life is very frustrating and worrisome right now.
I've been neglecting everything and everyone, mostly because I'm asleep most of the time.
As far as catching up with everybody's blogs, I'm hoping to make the effort over the next little while. Keyword is 'hoping' - no promises.
I'm trying to force myself to do stuff whenever I get a little bit of energy, so that I make the best of whatever energy I manage to have.
Talk to you... sometime!
P.S. - I'm not exactly apologizing for not keeping in touch. As I've told many of you over the two years I've been here, I know that sometimes life gets in the way, and it's hard to keep in touch. But the simple fact is that while I like everybody whose blogs I normally comment on, a few of you have become very dear to me, and regardless of the fact that our friendship is 'just' online, it doesn't mean it's not real. Some of you are very special to me, and I'd hate to lose you as a friend, and I hate that I haven't even had the energy to read your blogs and find out how your life is going.
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
I hope you get things sorted out soon. How frustrating that it takes so long to see your doctor! I guess you can't just get a new one, eh? Damn small towns. If we ever move out into the country (as we'd really like to, providing we could find me a job or something so we could actually afford to eat and all that), it's good to know. The things we city-slickers take for granted.
The container that I'm keeping the business cards I'm collecting for you is pretty much full. Is there an address I can send them to, seeing as how we probably won't be seeing each other in person any time soon? (Like a PO box or something? I'm not asking for your home address, no worries!)