northern

Just a quick update.

I weighed myself last week.

224 pounds.

I was at 350 when I had my weight loss surgery just about four years ago.

I rarely weigh myself.

In fact, I haven't weighed myself in about a year. I worry that if I weigh myself more regularly, I'll get hooked on doing it, and start weighing myself daily, or even worse, weighing myself after every meal.

I have enough neuroses, I don't need to add another one.

So I'm pretty happy that I've continued to lose weight. But as some of you may recall, I still think of myself as being 350 pounds, despite having to buy smaller clothes, and despite what the scale says.

In a weird way, I can identify with people with anorexia. I mean, I can't imagine being that deathly thin, but I can see how your mind can tell you that you look a different size than what you actually are.

I have to remind myself that I really have lost a lot of weight. And I have to show myself some appreciation for it.




In related news, I'll be seeing my psychiatrist in a couple months to re-evaluate my anti-depressants.

I've been more fatigued than usual the past while, and so my counselor is wondering if my doses may be too high in light of all the weight I've lost. I take fairly high doses of both Zoloft and Effexor, and I'm at the same doses I was at three years ago, when I weighed a lot more.

I'm always hesistant to fiddle around with my meds though.

Not that the anti-depressants have ever been a cure for my depression. Some days, or some weeks, are better than others, but the depression is always there.

But when I start to think about the fact that they haven't cured my depression, I just remind myself that it was even worse when I wasn't on them.

As far as my schizophrenia goes, I've always been very lucky that my anti-psychotic works very well, and that I've been able to detect very early when my symptoms start to get more active. I'm on a pretty low dose of my current anti-psychotic (Risperdal M-Tabs), so that's probably not going to change.




In case you're wondering why I have to wait a couple months to see my psychiatrist, it's because there are no shrinks locally, so one visits Elliot Lake for a couple days each month, and he's usually booked a couple months in advance.

I have a counsellor I see locally. I only see him once a month, but I could see him more frequently if I wanted.




But this fatigue is really pissing me off at this point.

I'm tired all the time, and not just in a sleepy way, but in a "I can barely move" kind of way.

I will admit that part of the problem is my poor diet. I need to eat or drink more fruits and vegetables. I just don't actually like most fruits and vegetables. Though I do drink some fruit and veggie juice. Actually, it's pretty cool. It's a mix of pure juice and puree from a bunch of fruits and vegetables. Lots of vegetables that I would never eat, even for money, flavoured with fruit juice to mask the taste.




Okay, even though I haven't written much, I'm already rambling.