norokai

on new years eve, i lost the person i care about most in the whole world, the love of my life, the love of my dreams, my best friend... she wont talk to me, no one will talk to me about it, i have nowhere else to go so im writing in my suicidegirls journal (how lame is that?)

i don't know what to do, no one has any advice for me other than the same old tired bullshit. i always believed that love was enough, that no matter what happens, if you have that perfect love, you will get through anything... evidently not...

this fucks with my whole idea of love and life in general. something i felt and believed in so strongly with every fiber of my being doesnt exist anymore, and im left with all these holes that i dont know how to fill. this isnt like all the other times ive been hurt, the other times people left. this was for real...

i know its probably mostly my fault, but i dont feel like getting into a list of all my faults, it would fill the page. i dont even know why im saying all this on here either, im not looking for sympathy or anything, and im almost positive noone will ever see this anyway, i guess i just had to get it out there. and who knows? maybe someday, someone will stumble across my meager journal page and have that nugget of truth that im seeking...

what do you do when you meet that "one person" that we only read or hear about in stories, go through absolute hell just to be able to be with this person, decide with all of your mind, body and soul that there is no one else that you would rather be with for the rest of your existence and have them feel the exact same way, and then blow it all away? (wow that was a really long sentence, my english teachers are having heart attacks) i thought love was all you need...

"have you ever needed something(one) that you could never have, but that you knew you could never live without?"