okay...So without getting into too much detail, I was served with custody/parenting time petition papers last week by my sons father. But he doesn't really have a leg to stand on, considering he has pretty much been an absentee father these last four years. It got even worse when he got a new girlfriend and started popping out kids with her. She has effectively pushed him into cutting off contact with me. If you want to get technical, by her standards he was cheating on her, he told me he loved me not two months ago. We used to have pretty good communication, it seemed that way at least after his mom died and then he got with her, it seemed to be getting better...Let me be clear I have no problem with him establishing a relationship with our son, but lets start off slow. I really don't really think him having him every other weekend, when he hasn't even had him over night or spent much alone time with him, is a good idea. He is just trying to get out of child support. All the ignorant know how to do is breed, that's what his mom used to say lol! And still, after all this, I know some how I will forgive him. I cant help it. I will always love him, he is my first. And I feel so stupid for it. It's bizarre how I can still allow him to hurt me. I don't want to deny him his son, but sometimes I feel like he would be better off with out him at all :(
And on top of that, my best friend's mom, whom I called mom as well, has passed away. So I need to get down to Reno. But with all this I don't know how it's going to happen, it will, I need to be there. I just haven't figured out how yet. And I still need to register for classes...still packing shit to move. It' just so hard to do anything when all I want to do is cry. But I hate crying, so I end up walking in circles, up and down, cycle around and around. Start crying. Stop. Put some clothes in a bag. Start crying. Stop. Watch myself from the outside, all the emotional stages, but not being able to stop them. Feeling crazy because of it. Start crying. Stop. Realize all this turmoil is normal. Start crying. Stop. I'm not the only one. Am I pathetic or what? Start crying. Stop. Just so overwhelmed. I can handle this...right? Indeed, for I am a dragon. Back me into a corner and you shall feel the heat.
