memory aid for my future self.
i love it when music affects me on a deep level, like really does something to me, fucks me up emotionally, mentally, spiritually, all of the above.
i love the precise feeling of deja vu you get when you hear a song you haven't listened to in years. so many of my past favorite songs or artists or albums take me to such distinct places in my memory. the other day i was on myspace, of all places, and i heard a song from about 10 years ago that i haven't listened to in probably 5 years or more. it hit me like a ton of bricks. it sounds cheesy, but i was on the point of tears from the emotion of it and i don't even know specifically why, mourning the loss of so many past lives and friends that are nothing more than fading memories now, moved by the chaotic beauty of our collective experiences as created by the turns and detours of our path as we stumble through this thing called life, perhaps both, or neither, i dunno. the song took me to a distinct place and time--late at night on a mexican bus coming home from one of my many extended stays in mexico, i used to put this song on repeat to lull me asleep in the uncomfortable bumpy ride back home--but there was no real connection to anything more specific, not a friend, or an ex, or an event, etc. i thought it unusual to be so moved by something as general as 'my life in mexico.'
it all just makes me feel old that i've experienced and been through so much and gone through so many vast changes in life. and a bit remorseful that there are so many moments tucked away in my subconscious mind, so many beautiful things that i've basically forgotten that can only be remembered by the random coincidence of some outside force, such as an old song, triggering them.
maybe that makes sense.... if not fuck it, this is only me deliberately setting a trigger for me to trip over in retrospective at some random point in the future--a memory aid for my future self.
i love it when music affects me on a deep level, like really does something to me, fucks me up emotionally, mentally, spiritually, all of the above.
i love the precise feeling of deja vu you get when you hear a song you haven't listened to in years. so many of my past favorite songs or artists or albums take me to such distinct places in my memory. the other day i was on myspace, of all places, and i heard a song from about 10 years ago that i haven't listened to in probably 5 years or more. it hit me like a ton of bricks. it sounds cheesy, but i was on the point of tears from the emotion of it and i don't even know specifically why, mourning the loss of so many past lives and friends that are nothing more than fading memories now, moved by the chaotic beauty of our collective experiences as created by the turns and detours of our path as we stumble through this thing called life, perhaps both, or neither, i dunno. the song took me to a distinct place and time--late at night on a mexican bus coming home from one of my many extended stays in mexico, i used to put this song on repeat to lull me asleep in the uncomfortable bumpy ride back home--but there was no real connection to anything more specific, not a friend, or an ex, or an event, etc. i thought it unusual to be so moved by something as general as 'my life in mexico.'
it all just makes me feel old that i've experienced and been through so much and gone through so many vast changes in life. and a bit remorseful that there are so many moments tucked away in my subconscious mind, so many beautiful things that i've basically forgotten that can only be remembered by the random coincidence of some outside force, such as an old song, triggering them.
maybe that makes sense.... if not fuck it, this is only me deliberately setting a trigger for me to trip over in retrospective at some random point in the future--a memory aid for my future self.
leilani:
thanks! ive just gained a bit of weight since my last set was shot and its like lookin at those pics and then lookin in the mirror its like woah ive let myself go! but thats the only reason why... and for health reasons... if im not healthy and eat lots of junk i get stys in my eye and they hurt sooo much! and i dont just get one i get lots! :S