I'm in a job that is good. I feel like i'm standing still for the first time in my life, yet to find my legs, put down roots, that kind of thing.
Now its happening it's both comforting and scary as hell. I have never been one to just sit, i always feel guilty if i'm not doing something. Be it working, worrying or just reading. Yes, i am a voracious reader for reasons of distraction.
Silence doesn't scare me, neither does solitude, but being inert does, i guess that's why i've got a tattoo saying 'Anxiety is Freedom', i'd rather be thinking or doing.
Security is seductive as the more you get, the more you fear losing it, thats why revolutions are predominantly said to be performed by the disposessed, if you have nothing to lose, you are capable of anything.
I don't want to lose that feeling. I should really embrace my new self, it's just that the whole process of settling is new to me, and leading a life with less anxiety is something i am not accustomed to.
My current reading list:
Sorry for the randomness, i just am doing the self concious thing.
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I just found a song that today at least, in the words of Nigel Tufnel makes 'people weep instantly' - On Some Faraway Beach by Brian Eno. Imagine The Flaming Lips, but less tongue in cheek. The first line is "Every chance, i'll die like a baby." It just does somethign to me.
This is the first day in a very long time i've actually felt up to writing to people on SG, i don't know why, maybe i'm a misanthrope, but its really fucking difficult to have something to say sometimes. Sorry everyone.
I wish i could be more 'give' and less 'recieve' .
Now its happening it's both comforting and scary as hell. I have never been one to just sit, i always feel guilty if i'm not doing something. Be it working, worrying or just reading. Yes, i am a voracious reader for reasons of distraction.
Silence doesn't scare me, neither does solitude, but being inert does, i guess that's why i've got a tattoo saying 'Anxiety is Freedom', i'd rather be thinking or doing.
Security is seductive as the more you get, the more you fear losing it, thats why revolutions are predominantly said to be performed by the disposessed, if you have nothing to lose, you are capable of anything.
I don't want to lose that feeling. I should really embrace my new self, it's just that the whole process of settling is new to me, and leading a life with less anxiety is something i am not accustomed to.
My current reading list:
Sorry for the randomness, i just am doing the self concious thing.
Edit----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I just found a song that today at least, in the words of Nigel Tufnel makes 'people weep instantly' - On Some Faraway Beach by Brian Eno. Imagine The Flaming Lips, but less tongue in cheek. The first line is "Every chance, i'll die like a baby." It just does somethign to me.
This is the first day in a very long time i've actually felt up to writing to people on SG, i don't know why, maybe i'm a misanthrope, but its really fucking difficult to have something to say sometimes. Sorry everyone.
I wish i could be more 'give' and less 'recieve' .VIEW 9 of 9 COMMENTS
That's a good feeling.
In other news I wish I could find some time to read more... Time is flying & this year 2004 has been very, well... interesting so far. A crazy rollercoaster of emotions - hard to stay level-headed when absolutely nothing remotely easy happens to you in the love department... but I'll never regret any single minute.
Take care good man