Do humans need a future? Ever since I have studied certain authors who warn of the dangers of projecting our happiness to a future date, I have had to question whether or not it is possible to live so fully in the present, as these gurus proclaim to. Perhaps I am missing some crucial point, but I find it very difficult to forsake the idea of the future and just be here for whatever the hell is happening at the moment.
True, projecting one's thoughts to the future can lead one to miss a great deal in the present, but doesn't giving up thoughts of the future also mean giving up direction? A lack of direction seems to lead to a lack of meaning, and without meaning to our lives, human beings are seriously fucked. No matter what anyone says to you, no matter what kind of jaded philosophic shit comes out of their mouths, every single one of us needs meaning to function sanely in life.
Sometimes I feel like "If this is it, then I'm done. What the fuck am I waiting for? I'm ready to be done." If all spirituality has to offer me is "accept, be present, and let go" then I'm done with all that and I would like to rest somewhere beyond consciousness now, please. It's times like these when nihilism starts to creep in and I start to feel really gypped.
I grapple with some way to reconcile all of these feelings, and not walk away from this computer sick. I can hear all of these little cardboard cutout answers swimming in my ears, and I just want them all to shut up so I can hear something True, something honest and real. I wish I could find the factor within me that makes it so difficult to just enjoy life, and eradicate it. Perhaps thinking is this factor. Why does that make me so sad when I consider it? Thinking must be the obscuration that impedes the joys of life. This certainly complicates things for individuals who have come to identify with the label "intellectuals".
True, projecting one's thoughts to the future can lead one to miss a great deal in the present, but doesn't giving up thoughts of the future also mean giving up direction? A lack of direction seems to lead to a lack of meaning, and without meaning to our lives, human beings are seriously fucked. No matter what anyone says to you, no matter what kind of jaded philosophic shit comes out of their mouths, every single one of us needs meaning to function sanely in life.
Sometimes I feel like "If this is it, then I'm done. What the fuck am I waiting for? I'm ready to be done." If all spirituality has to offer me is "accept, be present, and let go" then I'm done with all that and I would like to rest somewhere beyond consciousness now, please. It's times like these when nihilism starts to creep in and I start to feel really gypped.
I grapple with some way to reconcile all of these feelings, and not walk away from this computer sick. I can hear all of these little cardboard cutout answers swimming in my ears, and I just want them all to shut up so I can hear something True, something honest and real. I wish I could find the factor within me that makes it so difficult to just enjoy life, and eradicate it. Perhaps thinking is this factor. Why does that make me so sad when I consider it? Thinking must be the obscuration that impedes the joys of life. This certainly complicates things for individuals who have come to identify with the label "intellectuals".
Did this friend of my date really wake up one day and say, "Why yes, of course I'll be an orthodontist!" or was it decided for him? Did he just know?
I sit and blend in as best as I can. It seems that the ones that are married are happiest, and then the ones that have "someone" are runner ups. There seems to be a life's plan and I struggle when I think that below free will happiness is evolution and the need to reproduce or at least keep up with the Joneses. It makes me want to back out of it all until I can be sure I feel something real
This feeling is more than I can take for too much longer. It's going to send me in a direction I'd long ago promised myself I'd never go...