It hasn't been that long and already I find myself facing the shadow within. Lately it has been supressed by a surge of confidence and clarity of my thoughts/actions, but I knew deep down that it wouldn't be too long after I had found love that it would grow darker as the light grew brighter. Such is the balance. So I have doubt, anxiety, and fear. It may be unfounded, it may be reflex, but I can't deny it lest it grow stronger in the absence of my consciousness. I guess for some it may seem obvious, and perhaps I thought it was for me as well, but I think this is the first moment where I realized that I will always be fighting this battle alone. There is no helping hand that stands strong beside you when you are conquering yourself. As I face the leviathan within me, I have only my own strength to draw from.
I pray that I will be able to release all the toxic fears that I cling to as combatant who needs a foe to give him meaning. May I let go of all expectation and surrender with good faith to the unfolding Way of the world.
I pray that I will be able to release all the toxic fears that I cling to as combatant who needs a foe to give him meaning. May I let go of all expectation and surrender with good faith to the unfolding Way of the world.
The glory days of Spring shouldn't be spent in despair.
[Edited on Apr 06, 2005 1:38PM]