When you have spent your whole life running, you have a lot of habitual momentum built up. I cannot escape you. You are forever a part of me now, and I have no other choice but to honor you. Everytime I read certain books or hear certain songs, I am going to think of you, and the time that I have spent with you. I can never undo what I was, and I do not think that it could have been any other way than what it was. I cannot escape wishing that I was still with you, I cannot undo the love that blossomed in me for you, and I cannot run from it anymore.
So I honor you. I accept and forgive all the pain that I have felt. I accept the loss. I accept that I will never be able to forget. Whenever something reminds me of you, I will not discard it. I will not turn my face from it, or try to banish you from my thoughts. To do so would be to live in fear, not of you, but of myself and my own true feelings. I accept that you had to leave, I honor the life and death of our relationship, and I forgive myself for falling into it and making it forever a part of who I am.
Forgiveness is the only relief from our burdens, the only path to liberation.
So I honor you. I accept and forgive all the pain that I have felt. I accept the loss. I accept that I will never be able to forget. Whenever something reminds me of you, I will not discard it. I will not turn my face from it, or try to banish you from my thoughts. To do so would be to live in fear, not of you, but of myself and my own true feelings. I accept that you had to leave, I honor the life and death of our relationship, and I forgive myself for falling into it and making it forever a part of who I am.
Forgiveness is the only relief from our burdens, the only path to liberation.
My head hurts.